anyone else afraid to ask for help? (of any kind.)

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i find that i'm really afraid to ask for help when i need it. aside from that--i'm even afraid of accepting it when offered.

not sure why--if it's part PTSD-thing (which i have--PTSD, that is.) or if it's mainly a wiring issue. sometimes think i'm afraid to ask for help because i'm afraid i'll ask the "wrong" person: meaning someone who's going to get Very Upset. (my ability to read non-verbal cues seems not the best.)

also afraid when someone offers help--how do you know when the offer is sincere? (etc.)

mostly, i'm afraid of some kind of backlash. also afraid of not being independent.

anyone else know what this is like? (anyone have any tips for overcoming it?)

Yes, I know growing up I had a serious fear of asking for help. I would rather not have any idea of what I'm supposed to do than to ask someone for some assistance. The fear is still in me, but not as profound as it used to be. I wish I knew why, maybe it has something to do with my avoidant behaviours....

I wish I had some advice but I don't. All I can tell you is that you are not alone.

Not so much fear as pride. I hate the feeling of being indebted to someone else. I also hate the idea that I couldn't get something done myself, darn it! Around here, though, we just call it "that d****d [insert birth-family surname] pride."

Regards,

Patricia

Absolutely, totally, and completely... even in simple things.

I was gonna start a thread about it, but here seems like a good place:

What about when people say "If you have trouble or need to talk, call me any time.." is that not like the most terrifying thing to hear? It makes me want to cry, partly in relief, I guess, but partly because I know I can't. For one, I have a phobia of phones. And how do I know if it's enough to bother them over? And when I'm already upset is so NOT the time to have to make a phone call.. it's the time to hide under my blanket, face down in bed and cry.. and I really don't talk or communicate well when upset. So then I feel like I've rejected someone's offer of help for not knowing how...

I've always been like that. I get afriad people will laugh at me for asking too. Or I'll upset someone or they'll say they'll help me at a later date and never bother. I'm not sure what to suddjest.

I'm not very good at asking for help. I think it's a mix of fear and pride, depending on the situation. Sometimes I get afraid of being reprimanded for not knowing whatever it is I need help with, or I just hate looking stupid. Sometimes when I do ask for help, I still don't understand it and sometimes I see it as a pointless thing to ask for. I'm also paranoid of trusting people and think that asking for help shows some vulnerability.

Last edited by littlegreenleaf on 30 Jun 2009, 6:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

yeah for me its more of a pride issue I only ask for help in bookshelves because I cannot see the wording on the binding if I do not know the cover

Same here. I can not bring myself to tell someone when things are wrong. I rehearse the words in my head, but I can not say them. I panic inside, my heart rate accelerates...I'm getting better at it though.

Hi, Exhausted. I have a friend with severe PTSD resulting from prolonged childhood abuse. He's always very afraid to ask for help because firstly, he thinks it shows weakness, which during his childhood would have made him an even easier target for abuse, and secondly, his self-esteem is so low that he doesn't think he has the right to bother anyone for help and he's terrified of being rejected and humiliated if he does. This makes things VERY difficult for him. I don't know how similar his situation is to yours, though. Jenny

Yep - me too. It's been a chronic issue for me, although I'm not exactly sure why I feel this way. Not sure if it's because I don't like to have to depend on other people for anything, am too shy to speak up, or am afraid of looking dumb in front of anyone. Probably a combination of all of the above!

i pretty much relate to just about everything everyone's said. (thanks for the posts!) i get the matter of pride--feeling vulnerable or less than independent, etc.. i also relate to not knowing what to do when help is offered, or needed. (the phone fear and not knowing ifyou can express yourself, etc.) and then worrying about offending people when turning down offers of help.

i guess what i hate most about it is sort of the catch-22 i often find myself in. i worry about offending people by accepting offers of help (or by asking them for help.) it's hard to tell if those offers are sincere. then i worry about offending people if i turn down the help that's offered.

guess i'm obsessing about this because i did just offend someone by turning down offers of help. but what about those folks who say, "oh, yes--call for help any time you need it?" but when you do, they get offended.

sometimes i wish i were raised to speak Yiddish so i could say "oi vey" with conviction.

maybe it's about black or white thinking. i don't know.

A lot of times when I ask for help there just isn't any.. so the concept of getting up my courage to ask for help when I"m not going to get help anyways just seems insane.

That happens to me at work, sometimes. My boss will tell me to ask for help when I need it, but when I do finally break down and ask nothing happens. Then when some crisis or other comes up -- or I have a meltdown -- he'll ask why I didn't just ask for help. I think the problem may be in the way I ask. Maybe I don't communicate the seriousness of my situation very well, but I'm not sure how much more convincing I can be without physically jumping up and down about it.

Regards,

Patricia

I know what you mean.. about not being able to correctly communicate when something is really wrong. Either it doesn't seem serious, or I'll be accused of being dramatic.. Is there actually some way of communicating that a situation is serious without being told you're over-dramatizing? I think it's just a way for people to say that they tried to help without actually doing anything. They don't actually care, but they have to say they do, so they'll write off anything you say.. and then get all "who me?" when their neglect leads to something really bad.

yeah my goal on IEP is to learn how to ask for help in school next year. I don't know when I'm supposed to or how so I never do. I have bad executive function though so I think that might also have a part of it. I also have a hard time making choices and make everyone decide everything for me. Any kind of choice assignment I can't do unless teacher chooses for me. Also turning in things and starting work if I'm not prompted I'm completely lost.

I'm hoping they'll just have the teachers ask me periodically.

That might be a tad unreasonable. We also need some help at some point in our lives. Few if any of us are endowed with super-powers.

One way of not feeling ashamed in asking for help is to give help well before you need it for yourself. Volunteer to perform some useful service which someday you might need yourself. Think if it as a down-payment for future services.

ruveyn