Does anyone just try to fit in with so called normal people.

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time and time again ive tried to fit in yes ive drank alcohol ive smoked ciggerttes which i still do and drink like when i go to bars i try to strike up a normal conversation but everyone seems to perceive me as a nerd or a dork and it pisses me off a lot because i dont considar myself a dork in fact i try to scare these so called normal people by doing out rageous things like wearing perverted t shirts and wearing threat t shirts like with me holding guns its funny after i started doing that they all shut their mouths and never dared to make fun of me

I know I was always seen as weird, although I have only recently realised this, but I don't think I was every seen as a dork or even a nerd.

I'm a decent athlete and weightlifter with a good frame so I think I had the physical presence NOT to suffer that one.

I know there are some 'athletes' who get the dork label but I think they tend to be the heavier ones, which I am not.

I tried smoking at school briefly when I was about 14 to try to fit in (not even fit in more, just fit in).

Didn't work and I thought it was a stupid (for me) thing to do so I quit after a few months with the idea that I looked even weirder smoking than I did not smoking.

Besides which I was a competition swimmer so I certainly wasn't going to risk gold medals for social development

It isnt exactly DSM but Aspies just dont 'fit in',

I am very new to this but it seems that (those that are able) adapt, fake, mimic but it's never natural...........

Last edited by Blindspot149 on 14 Oct 2009, 6:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not able to fake it. I tried for almost 5 decades and failed. I don't anymore.

Same as Greetea. I've tried for 6 decades and never cracked the code........now I realise I'm an Aspie I don't see the point in trying to fit in... in fact, as I've mentioned on a topic I started......I 'm in a state of hibernation.


Have had a really sad day today.... my partner in away working in Melbourne and I'm looking after the animals alone.......this afternoon I discovered my favourite doe (goat) in shocking pain, and a young one in a very bad way........I've done all I can for them but I know it isn't enough.........I reckon tomorrow morning I'll find them dead. They were in so much pain it made me cry. I love our farm animals, they have beautiful personalities and have endearing ways of communicating within and intra species. The cows were acting concerned about the goats.It is "funny" but they all seem to know that they are part of the farm family and display curiosity and interest in eachother.

Sorry I got off the topic.

If by "normal people" you mean fitting in with general societal expectations, I kind of do. Superficially my life might look exceedingly typical. I'm married, have a child, live in a house in the suburbs, commute into town for work, and do things on weekends with my family. If you scratch the surface, however, you'll soon note that I am very different from, say, my co-workers. I dress differently, I carry myself differently, I approach work and thought differently, my leisure activities are subculturally based, my values and priorities are off somewhere else. This hasn't gone unnoticed by my co-workers (I'm probably the office eccentric), but we all manage to get along.

Same here, I always tried to fit in with my peers with the exception of drinking and smoking because they gave me such a headace (which I realize now they were sensory issues). I gave up trying to fit in after I left highschol since the effort wasn't paying off. At least now I work in IT with some geekish people that share some similar interests with me so I it in a little more with less the effort lol. After learning about AS I was reassured that it was okay that i'm not fitting in. And after finding wrongplanet I found that I did actually fit in somewhere without any effort needed I luvs this place lol

I'm in good physical condition too, & often am not labeled as a nerd because of it, but I'm a nerd to the core. Maybe I have a broader definition than most, but anyone who obsesses over trivial things, even athletic ones, at the sacrifice of social pursuits is a nerd.

So, my interaction with normal (social) people, is as bad as the most out of shape, pale, basement dwelling, stereotypical nerd out there. I can't even have fun at a bar or party without participating in an organized activity. It's good to have plenty of game ideas.

I'm in the same situation of fiddlerpianist. Maried, good work, some good friends, a child. Nothing strange. I've also build an atletical body.
I think that actually society (at least the one in wich I WANT to live) have learned to cope with some "strange" behaviour. My boss know that I'll never cut out my hair and that I'll never go work with something different than a shirt, If they really need me to do a "presentation" I have a jacket in my office. They now that the boss secretary need to warn me about everything "burocratic" because I don't care, etc. I'm considered the "eccentric genius" by the NT law of "all genius are mad" or something like that. I give society what it wants and I take something back. When I need to do group-work (usually I don't), I do it at my best, when I need to do something out-of-my-nature I'm very able to fake.

I've learned to stay inside the society not because I want to "fit in" but because I want to do whatever I want and actually... kill it from the inside is a better method.
My mother (she didn't known about my DX but she known I was different) always said me:
"you don't have to agree with other people, if you think something there is an high chance that you have reason and all the others are wrong, by the way, you must live here, with this system and people behave in this way. Go, learn, and make what you are an advantage for you".

Quoting Dancyclancy

This is a very very heavy and poignant statement laden with symbolism that makes it a perfect analogy for the Wrong Planet family. Beautiful personalities with enduring ways of communicating with each other and the world. The animals don't have to try to fit in. They just do their own thing naturally. We should all take lessons from them I think. Life would be so much easier.

Sorry that you are having such a sad day.

Quoting Nightsun


Wow. Sounds like you were blessed with a very wise mother. I like the way she thinks. Also, what you said about "killing it from the inside" - that's what I try to get across to certain "rebel types" in my family. Making a big show of your resistance to conform to society draws attention to yourself, outs you and your agenda, which means you are playing into their hands, which means - they've got you.

Last edited by cosmiccat on 14 Oct 2009, 10:59 am, edited 2 times in total.

During my teens (when I had never heard of AS) we had the "underground" movement, a counter-culture which I identified with very strongly.....so I saw mainstream society as not really worth chasing after, and fitting into it wasn't a thing I perceived as being of any use to me. Nevertheless I did a lot to camouflage myself so that I could at least survive in situations where I had to associate with "straights." I didn't have a lot of trouble fitting in with my underground friends, as they were usually far less judgemental than mainstream. Any problems with the mainstream I'd blame on their pitiful condition. When I began to understand socialism, that became another reason to pity the majority. I suppose you have to admire a society before you really want to fit into it.

In those days I felt there was a good chance that mainstream society would come round to our way of thinking, so I didn't really expect much of a problem in future from a system that looked about to fall apart - unfortunately that didn't happen.

For a long time I thought I just had a tendency towards introversion, and I was convinced that I could pull myself out of that trait just by working on it. I would always feel great when I'd said or done anything that made me look like a confident extravert, because it would give me hope that I could learn my way out of any social problems I might have had.

To this day I'm more likely to avoid a mainstream group rather than try to fit into it. I modify my behaviour for them but I see that as a temporary thing....I don't really hold out much hope of ever being happy in a group whose outlook is too different to my own.

I try not to see a group as a homogenous thing that can come to like or dislike me as if it were one person.....I look instead at the individuals in the group, and try to relate to them one-on-one. I'm sure that most of these apparently homogenous atttitudes aren't so homogenous. More often, there are one or two members who rather doubt the party line, so I tend to try to work with them, to break up any mass opinion that might go against me. People aren't usually all that unified....some of them may be suspicious or contemptuous of me, but it's not as if they're all in complete harmony with each other. They may appear to have consensus but in truth they each have their own views.

Essentially, when I see that I don't fit into a group, I just move on, rather than try to change myself in order to fit. I wouldn't want to spend my life as a square peg in a round hole....the square holes might not realise I'm available to them.

I gave up ages ago i know stay indoors all the time and have become a hermit

Have you called in a vet?

I tried for a while... I've tried the whole college party thing. It's too much for me - I'm more of a quiet stay-at-home type who gets immersed in projects. I'll still go to parties every once in a while to see friends, but not every weekend. I just don't have the time for it - it's certainly not one of my priorities. At school, though, doing homework is a social experience in itself (an art studio is like a community), so I don't feel too socially deprived.

I focus more on "getting along" than "fitting in." I will attempt to change some things about myself in an effort to be somewhat accepted by my peers - maybe dress a bit more like them, or try to join in more. But for some reason, I've always managed to place a barrier between myself & the people around me. For instance, in dressing more like my peers, I end up choosing clothes that put me on the fringe of what is common for that group.

I see two types of barriers to fitting in.

First, there are my sensory issues. I can't change the fact that I find noisy, chaotic environments (like bars & restaurants) distracting, often confusing - and if I'm in such an environment for too long, I tend to shut down. But often, I can make accommodations, such as wearing ear plugs, or sitting where I can't see the big-screen TV in the corner, that allow me to spend more time in those environments. Even so, there is no accommodation I can make that will allow me to follow a conversation with too many people - or focus on a single conversation when there are other conversations going on around me.

Second, there are my social issues. These are much more complex. Even if I know intellectually what I should change to fit in - there is usually a part of me that either actively, or subliminally resists such changes.

For instance - on certain occasions, the company I work for provides lunch for all the employees. The "accepted" thing to do line up in the buffet line with some coworkers & chat with them while we wait in line. Then, I should sit with them while we eat & continue to chat. But something inside me sends me to the buffet line at the wrong time, so I find myself in line with people I don't really know (it's a pretty big company.) Then, even though (to fit in) I should find a table with people I know & ask to join them - I chicken out & end up bringing the food back to my desk to eat alone.

And sometimes, I'm just plain oblivious to what the "correct" way to act is.

I don't really have anything against socializing with my peers - but often, it is just too much work for me. Usually, the best I can manage is to "get along" with them by trying not to appear too different, even if I don't exactly "fit in."

No offense meant but this type of behavior is rather unsettling. In a social environment I would make every effort to avoid a person who exhibits this kind of anti-social tendencies. But if you're looking to "scare" or "intimidate" people into respecting you, you are way, way off.
But more to the point of the initial question- YES, I do "try" because I need a job to pay the bills and so far as I've encountered there are no purely autistic corporations out there hiring Social Media specialists... Go figure.

In a way still trying to fit in with people but not as much now because I was scared that people wouldn't appreciate for who I was and I didn't want a repeat history from back then when I was bullied just for being so different compared to everyone. The thing about me is that I don't like putting people down because it would also really upset me aswell and I had this fear of people and getting into conversations.
Eventually I ended up being myself which other people didn't think it was too bad.