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littlegreenleaf
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05 Jul 2009, 8:00 pm

Anyone else tired of hearing that?

Most recently I locked the door even though my mom said she would be outside and she got upset because I couldn't hear her knocking for a few minutes. But I couldn't go outside and tell her to come in because I hate the dark and I couldn't leave the door unlocked because I get afraid that someone will come in. And my parents have had their place robbed before, so I don't understand why she doesn't just bring her key with her. And I'm tired of her telling me to behave, as if I'm a bad kid. She says I'm not, but I still don't like when she says those things.

And to a lesser degree, I'm a little tired of people telling me that I'm weird. Usually it's my friends that say it and they seem to say it lovingly, but I just don't feel like hearing it anymore.

Anyone else wish they could shut off for a day or two?



sinsboldly
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05 Jul 2009, 8:22 pm

^^ yes!

however current events have shown that 'turning off' can be hazardous. It is said that Michael Jackson died because he would go on a 'twilight sleep' style intervenious drip that put you immediately to sleep. Turning off can turn you off for good.

and don't tempt me with that, either! I have fought off suicide ideation all my life and don't want to go through another episode of recurrent thoughts.

but yes, I would love to 'turn off' for a couple of days.

Merle


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richardbenson
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05 Jul 2009, 8:28 pm

dude i swear michael jackson and that football player that KILLED a man while drunk in his car gets all the good in life. 1 year in prison? FOR KILLLING SOMEONE?! must be nice having money i guess. but to answer your question nobody askes me that anymore because its obvious and now i dont care. people avoid me like the plague for some reason and i just dont question it :lol:


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buryuntime
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05 Jul 2009, 8:40 pm

Quote:
Most recently I locked the door even though my mom said she would be outside and she got upset because I couldn't hear her knocking for a few minutes. But I couldn't go outside and tell her to come in because I hate the dark and I couldn't leave the door unlocked because I get afraid that someone will come in. And my parents have had their place robbed before, so I don't understand why she doesn't just bring her key with her. And I'm tired of her telling me to behave, as if I'm a bad kid. She says I'm not, but I still don't like when she says those things.

WELLLL you aren't alone with your mother telling you to behave; constantly being told that I can help things that I do when I can't or that I'm hateful all the time but that not a bad kid.



Brittany2907
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05 Jul 2009, 9:03 pm

buryuntime wrote:
WELLLL you aren't alone with your mother telling you to behave; constantly being told that I can help things that I do when I can't or that I'm hateful all the time but that not a bad kid.


I've also been told that I'm hateful. My mum has said to be before..."What have I done to you that's made you hate me so much?"...and I don't know where she gets this idea from because I don't hate her. My grandma also thinks that I don't like her and once again, I have no idea why.
Yes I am tired of it but not of being asked what's wrong with me, because no one does, but of being accused of doing things that I'm obviously not doing.


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littlegreenleaf
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05 Jul 2009, 9:38 pm

Yeah my mom says things like that too, "why are you so cruel?" and I think nooo I don't mean to come off that way at all. We're okay now, at least for now since she's calmed down and I explained myself to her a little.

And I've recently realized (like in the past hour) that turning off can lead into a permanent thing. When my mom read that MJ was on a lot of drugs that may have contributed to his death, she said, "See?" She does that alot. I used to steal her sleeping pills or take benadryl to fall asleep if I felt like I couldn't stand being awake at that moment, and I realize that could lead to a slippery slope of doom.

I mean, I know that life can be beautiful, I just need to find those moments more often. And stuff. Yeah. As my friend pointed out in a beautifully worded text message (though I don't have the exact text on me right now), "life is beautiful, stop sleeping and live you'll have time to sleep when you're dead blah blah blah."



TheMaverick
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05 Jul 2009, 9:49 pm

littlegreenleaf wrote:

Anyone else wish they could shut off for a day or two?


huh! a year or two!!



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05 Jul 2009, 10:14 pm

littlegreenleaf wrote:
And I've recently realized (like in the past hour) that turning off can lead into a permanent thing. When my mom read that MJ was on a lot of drugs that may have contributed to his death, she said, "See?" She does that alot. I used to steal her sleeping pills or take benadryl to fall asleep if I felt like I couldn't stand being awake at that moment, and I realize that could lead to a slippery slope of doom.


Um, he was shooting demerol. It's an intravenous synthetic opiate that's supposedly more addictive than heroin... I don't think that taking benadryl to sleep even compares to that.. super-addictive narcotic vs. allergy medication that is almost completely safe. (can cause a bit of a histamine rebound if you take a lot of it long term.. like you could get a bit itchy if you stop taking it.. that's pretty much it) Totally different ball game. (Although, if you take too much benadryl, I think it suppresses histamines too much and triggers other immune responses, because if I take too many, I'll actually get itchy.. but not die or anything)

sinsboldly wrote:
however current events have shown that 'turning off' can be hazardous. It is said that Michael Jackson died because he would go on a 'twilight sleep' style intervenious drip that put you immediately to sleep. Turning off can turn you off for good.

and don't tempt me with that, either! I have fought off suicide ideation all my life and don't want to go through another episode of recurrent thoughts.

but yes, I would love to 'turn off' for a couple of days.


Again.. He was shooting demerol and combining it with other stuff. Shutting off can mean a lot of things.. It could also mean hiding in a cool, quiet, dark room with nothing but some good books (with a book light or gooseneck lamp, of course) and your laptop.. or something along those lines. I tend to do that when I'm overwhelmed... just remove myself from the world for a little while. I don't think it's dangerous. Dangerous is having meltdowns in public and ending up in a psych ward... Retreating to a private, quiet place to recover from being overwhelmed isn't going to kill anyone.



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05 Jul 2009, 10:15 pm

littlegreenleaf wrote:
Anyone else wish they could shut off for a day or two?


I do, but I get into trouble. And after a while I could not stop, or come out of it until I wanted to. Thats when they brought on the awful meds.
My bf does the same thing, but if you touch him or say his name softly he comes out of it.

Mom still yells at me for it, however she still will not realize that the reason I do it is because she yells.


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MetalCowgirl34
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05 Jul 2009, 10:16 pm

My mom and grandma think I'm rude and ungrateful too...and that I don't like them or just use them for money or whatever. Nothing I do or say can change their minds. They are so focused on the certain cookie-cutter things you're supposed to say at certain times (like "thank you" and stuff like that) which I have a hard time remembering to do, that they can't see that I have other ways of showing my appreciation. They think my explanation of the reason I forget to say thank you is BS.

I also get this a lot.... "What's wrong?" or "Are you ok"? Because apparently you're supposed to have a smile on your face at all times (even when you're sitting alone at work doing something) or there is "something wrong". REALLY annoying.



sinsboldly
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05 Jul 2009, 10:34 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
littlegreenleaf wrote:
And I've recently realized (like in the past hour) that turning off can lead into a permanent thing. When my mom read that MJ was on a lot of drugs that may have contributed to his death, she said, "See?" She does that alot. I used to steal her sleeping pills or take benadryl to fall asleep if I felt like I couldn't stand being awake at that moment, and I realize that could lead to a slippery slope of doom.


Um, he was shooting demerol. It's an intravenous synthetic opiate that's supposedly more addictive than heroin... I don't think that taking benadryl to sleep even compares to that.. super-addictive narcotic vs. allergy medication that is almost completely safe. (can cause a bit of a histamine rebound if you take a lot of it long term.. like you could get a bit itchy if you stop taking it.. that's pretty much it) Totally different ball game. (Although, if you take too much benadryl, I think it suppresses histamines too much and triggers other immune responses, because if I take too many, I'll actually get itchy.. but not die or anything)

sinsboldly wrote:
however current events have shown that 'turning off' can be hazardous. It is said that Michael Jackson died because he would go on a 'twilight sleep' style intervenious drip that put you immediately to sleep. Turning off can turn you off for good.

and don't tempt me with that, either! I have fought off suicide ideation all my life and don't want to go through another episode of recurrent thoughts.

but yes, I would love to 'turn off' for a couple of days.


Again.. He was shooting demerol and combining it with other stuff. Shutting off can mean a lot of things.. It could also mean hiding in a cool, quiet, dark room with nothing but some good books (with a book light or gooseneck lamp, of course) and your laptop.. or something along those lines. I tend to do that when I'm overwhelmed... just remove myself from the world for a little while. I don't think it's dangerous. Dangerous is having meltdowns in public and ending up in a psych ward... Retreating to a private, quiet place to recover from being overwhelmed isn't going to kill anyone.


ah. . this is just taking this thread even further off topic, but Jackson was into more than Demerol.

On Friday, a law enforcement official under condition of anonymity told the Associated Press that the drug Diprivan was found in Michael Jackson’s home.

Diprivan is a powerful anesthetic, given intravenously during surgery to induce unconsciousness. It is also called Propofol and the AP reports it is very unusual to have in a private home.

The drug is milky in appearance and can lead to heart dysfunction and death. Doctors from the Mayo Clinic told the AP that patients using Diprivan must be continuously monitored because in a small number of cases it has caused cardiac arrest.

On Tuesday, Cherilyn Lee, a nurse and nutritionist, claimed that Jackson suffered from severe insomnia and recently begged her for Diprivan. Lee refused and warned Jackson about using the drug.


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DarrylZero
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05 Jul 2009, 10:40 pm

MetalCowgirl34 wrote:
I also get this a lot.... "What's wrong?" or "Are you ok"? Because apparently you're supposed to have a smile on your face at all times (even when you're sitting alone at work doing something) or there is "something wrong". REALLY annoying.


Me, too. It does get tiresome after a while. I'm just being me. :wall:



Polgara
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05 Jul 2009, 10:52 pm

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I'm a little tired of people telling me that I'm weird.


That used to bother me, too. Eventually as a adult (and well before any diagnosis) I just decided I would embrace the weirdness, and if anybody had a problem with it, it was their problem. That excised a whole category of stressors. :)



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06 Jul 2009, 7:01 am

Polgara wrote:
Quote:
I'm a little tired of people telling me that I'm weird.


That used to bother me, too. Eventually as a adult (and well before any diagnosis) I just decided I would embrace the weirdness, and if anybody had a problem with it, it was their problem. That excised a whole category of stressors. :)

Yes, I did that, too, except I managed to do it in adolescence with a great deal of success. Combined with my very mild symptoms, I think I've managed to avoid most of the negative AS symptoms completely.

I'm lucky, though. I was able to find a community of people who embrace differences and uniqueness of character, and my social phobias are now minor enough to have enabled that to happen.


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06 Jul 2009, 8:36 am

sinsboldly wrote:
Maggiedoll wrote:
...

Again.. He was shooting demerol and combining it with other stuff. Shutting off can mean a lot of things.. It could also mean hiding in a cool, quiet, dark room with nothing but some good books (with a book light or gooseneck lamp, of course) and your laptop.. or something along those lines. I tend to do that when I'm overwhelmed... just remove myself from the world for a little while. I don't think it's dangerous. Dangerous is having meltdowns in public and ending up in a psych ward... Retreating to a private, quiet place to recover from being overwhelmed isn't going to kill anyone.


ah. . this is just taking this thread even further off topic, but Jackson was into more than Demerol.

...


I never said otherwise..

Edit: had been trying to point out that what he was doing has nothing to do with "shutting off" for a few days or even with taking some sedatives, sleeping pills, OR sedating antihistamines.

He died from massive concoctions of very strong drugs, not from taking bendaryl to sleep for longer than normal or hiding away for a few days.



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06 Jul 2009, 8:45 am

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What's wrong with you?


what is "wrong" with me can only be in the "eye" of the beholder.

if what is beautiful about me is in the eye of the beholder, than also what is wrong with me must be in the eye of the beholder.

people never see anything other than what their brain cells tell them. they "see" via the matrix of their own mental construction. so all "beauties" and all "faults" are fabrications generated somewhere within their own neurons.

and the clean air whistles past my empty head.