Hard time w/son's stims b/c of own sensory issues

Post Reply New Topic

I didn't want to put this on the Parents board because that's largely for NTs and although they mean well, I doubt they'd get this.

My son is "classically" autistic. I'm not...but my auditory sensory (avoiding, not seeking) issues are HUGE. I can not stand mouth sounds...like eating. The rage and horror I feel is almost unspeakable. I try to eat alone now, and I leave the room if someone else is snacking.

Well, ironically, my son's stims are ALL...yes, oral. He sucks his teeth and the like. OH, I CAN NOT STAND IT. I am almost in tears right now listening to him in the tub, sucking and sucking and clicking and clicking. I can physically feel it, like an assault. Unfortunately, it's not occasional. It's all day long, literally.

Why couldn't he just flap his hands like a normal autist. Kidding.........sort of. He won't suck on a straw (which is quieter) instead; he won't blow a whistle. He flat-out refuses. His language is very limited, though...so I have no idea why.

I don't know what to do. If I wear ear plugs I won't hear when he and my youngest are doing things that are bound to cause trouble. I have tried asking--even begging--him to go to another room to stim. He won't. He stares at me blankly. What can I do???? I do understand the stimming...it's just that it's the VERY worst, most emotionally and physically assaultive (I can't explain this, but it feels like a rape) sensory thing I can imagine.

Help...please help...

This drives me mad as well. I don't have the answers that you're looking for, but I can certainly relate. Just yesterday I had to excuse myself, stand in the kitchen with both hands on the counter trying my very best not to explode at the sound of my son eating whatever it was he was snacking on.

Just this morning, I snapped at him to shut up! In front of Nana, this appeared rude, but I told her I understand that he's not saying anything rude, or anything really at all (he was yelling to the cat repeatedly through the screen of our front door) ....but the sound of his voice going off constantly with no real purpose was making me nuts.

I'll be checking back to this thread to see if you get any good advice ~

Good luck and hang tight.

Thank you, thank you sbwilson, simply for understanding. I hate feeling like a monster as a mother...b/c well...if my son WERE NT then it would almost be not as bad for me to tell him to stop (and I do!! ! So don't feel bad about that...it gets to that point)...b/c he probably could control it in that case, particularly with eating, simply by eating with his mouth closed.

But it being a stim is the hard part...if I tell him to stop, it's like telling him not to blink when he had something in his eye or not to scratch a horrible itch. The times he does try to control it (poor guy), I can almost feel his pressure building...so awful. So it's really conflicting and really hard...and with his current level of understanding of other people's responses (though he's academically very bright!) there's no way I can explain the effect this has on me for my own issues.

Thanks again for hearing me.

Oh god I know. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's like rape, but I can't STAND mindless noise. Especially if it's repetitive and/or constant. I can stand some noise and not resent it so much if it's for a purpose, like a washing machine, but I know someone who constantly cough clears their throat as a habit, and it goes on for a decent chunk of time. *ah00m ... ah00m... gulp ... ah00m ... ah00m .... ah00m* You get the picture. It's so hard to focus on anything but that sound. And if it becomes irregular, somehow you spend that second of silence just waiting for it to happen again.

Argh. I don't know how you manage. All I can think is to lift him and put him in his room to get on with it it, leave the room yourself, or find something else for him to put in his mouth that would feel the same but be quieter. I'm trying it out now, and I notice that the feeling of sucking teeth has a more satisfying resistance than sucking a straw would have. So maybe a pacifier? (Aka a 'dummy'.) Nuk brand are shaped so he won't get buck teeth from them, and if you're desperate you could put some honey on it so he might be more likely to stim using that.

I hope this helps.

If earplugs help, but you have to be able to listen to your kids, can you put all of you in the same room most of the time so you can watch them instead? If the little one is a baby then it is just a matter of moving a crib or a playpen...

Activebutodd, I had NEVER thought of a pacifier. What a great idea. A really great idea! I am going to see if I can go dig one out. I must still have one somewhere.

Callista, the little one is three years old and speech delayed but probably not ASD. They love to be together. I just can't separate them, which is pretty cute...but OTOH...which means that they think I'm punishing them if I separate them. But I can start working toward seeing how I might accomplish that subtly...Thank you...

Nowhere Woman,
I have the same problems with noise, especially eating sounds from other people. That is why I need to literally isolate and since I was a child had to eat alone. When I am around others,because of the noises, i am unable to eat and even cry sometimes. I know how the noises feel like rape. because that is how it is for me, as well.Like I am being punched kicked, and attacked in my ears and mind. I can never go anywhere to eat and I dread family outings and eating out events, besides the fact that I also have food intolerance. I have problems with noises, especially from the male gender. With females, not really, but certain pitches of coughing and sneezing would bother me from females, but not all. the males it is everything coughing sneezing, most noises and even most male voices. I have a very hard time with my dad because every noise plus the sound of his voice is unbearable to a point that I was not able to have any relationship with him. i do feel guilty about that, now that I am older. as much as I try, i have to go home and be isolated from noise for a whole entire day after I have been with him. I have the same problem with my housemates and all males. Ironically, the only male voice I do not have problem with are the "gay" type who have female voices or lisps. The macho men, forget it I am pretty much gone.

My son also Autism, me AS, and I have a hard time too with the noise (humming, echolalia, shouting, repeating the same things again and again in different pitch) -I feel sick at the end of the day. I'm also very touch aversive, my son bucks all the stereotypes by being very huggy, always needs to be near (i.e. right next to) HAS to hold my hand , climb on me. I always feel mauled and dragged about. And in this hot weather, it's particularly uncomfortable.

No surprise my stress levels are through the roof and I have cardiac dysrhythmias. Thank goodness for school (him) and studies (me) I would be a wreck otherwise.

That has something to do with stress? I mean, I know it's common for people's hearts to occasionally skip a beat, or go irregular for a few beats, but I didn't know it was connected to stress...

Hmm...

Having ASD and sensory issues don't necessarily go hand in hand. Actually, exceptional hearing is relatively rare, or so two AS experts said at a PDD conference in Vancouver last October.

Mouth noises drive me f*****g apeshit as well.

My dad does this all the time... sucking on his teeth to clean them rather than going into the bathroom to brush or floss. It drives me f*****g crazy and it really DOES feel like sensory rape (honestly, the noise is like an attack, like physical force... I often wonder if there's such a thing as audio-proprioception synesthesia because I get a sense of being pushed or shoved down when certain noises happen). I'm not sure what to recommend, but I just want you to know that I can sympathize.