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bubzy
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16 Jul 2009, 4:23 pm

I am free from work tonight, so the question is shall I try one of the many events in this town such as dancing or live music or shall I stay home again? I know it would be good to try and socialize but it is just so hard to do and I would rather just stare at the computer and tv screen.

Any encouragement?



1234
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16 Jul 2009, 4:46 pm

If you really want to go out,

what if you just go for say.. 30 to 60 minutes.
If you're enjoying yourself after those minutes have passed, you can decide to stay a little longer (perhaps set another time limit) until you want to go home again.
If you're not enjoying yourself after that period of time, you can just go home and relax:)

If you have anyone to go with, maybe that'll make it a bit easier?



bubzy
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16 Jul 2009, 5:09 pm

Ok, that sounds like some good ideas. Of course the hardest thing is choosing what to do. Sometimes, it's a victory to go to a coffee shop or browse around the store just to be around people. But actually interacting with people is a whole different story. Anybody tried to start a local club to attract locals that share your interests?



spooky13
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16 Jul 2009, 5:42 pm

I feel for you, I get like that too sometimes. 1234 is right, giving yourself small amounts of time does help. I do it everytime I go to certain places. Especially WalMart! :P



DonkeyBuster
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16 Jul 2009, 6:24 pm

How about going to something you would enjoy even if you didn't interact with anyone else? That way you're sure to have a nice time and often the socializing takes care of itself... and if it doesn't, no biggie. Just keep going to the things you enjoy, don't freak yourself out by putting sooooo much emphasis on "Making Connections".

That's what works for me... sometimes I have a nice conversation and make a friend, most times I don't. Noooo biggie, I still enjoy the performance. :D



Odin
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16 Jul 2009, 6:51 pm

I'm the same way, I WANT to go out and to stuff but my anxiety and sensory issues tend to make me avoid them.


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Who_Am_I
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16 Jul 2009, 11:19 pm

Question: why would it be good to try and socialise?


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17 Jul 2009, 1:02 am

I personally hate going out, especially when it is an "unstructured" social setting with no goals or conversational topic.

If I have something to do and something to say, it's much more pleasant. I really enjoyed playing in a blues band at various bars and nightclubs, because I always had something to do. I would arrive, set up, tune up, then I would play a set, go to the bar for a free drink, find a quite table alone and drink booze and smoke my pipe, then play the next set, rinse, repeat, then tear down, load the van, and ride home.

It was a very social setting but I rarely had that awkward "milling around" time. Even if I had nothing to do I could walk over and fiddle with the equipment so I would look busy. Sometimes people would approach me and ask questions or try to start a conversation, so i would talk for a short period of time then return to my "work". Somehow watching people sit around and socialize and "chat" and "hang out" in front of me made me feel like a social part of things even if I didn't have to personally interact with anybody.

My rambling doesn't really answer your question or give advice except to try to find a way to structure your "out time". Go with a concrete plan of playing exactly three games of pool or drinking 4 beers or something like that. Perhaps bring a briefcase or fancy cellphone so you can pretend to be busy and take your focus off all the people around you. Don't plan on being social, but if something comes up, it can be a pleasant surprise.



Bozewani
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17 Jul 2009, 3:06 am

Seems sillly to force yourself to do something you don't feel comfortable with. Trust me, social events are very difficult when you are not prepared for the environment.

Just stay home, if you feel uncomfortable. It's not a job requirement to go and nobody is putting a gun to your head (or anyone else at the function).