What would you do if...

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You found that a friend of yours had done something really bad. I found out that a friend I've known for years is a convicted sex offender. He was charged with secual battery on a minor under 12. In the past he had hinted at problems with the law, and even thought his explanation didn't make a lot of sense, I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He had never shown any kind of inappropriate interest in kids when I was around him.,..Possible because if he did, I would have shoved an umbrella up his a** and opened it.

Then one day, he emails me in a panic because his face is in the newspaper. I told him to talk to his boss & explain his situation. I told him that if he went full metal jacket nuts that people would believe he was actually guilty of the crime.
He did exactly what I told him not to do, and when he found that I had a new girlfriend, it was like i didn't know him at all

Here's the problem. I know two people who have served time in prison, one for theft and one for getting in a fight where the other guy nearly died. Both of these men have served their time and I know deep in my heart that they will never end up behind bars again.

Sex offenders are different and there is some argument in professional circles that a sex offender will never be rehabilitated. Just as you or I have been born aspie they are born to prefer children over adults. I don't know a solution to this but if someone I knew turned out to be a sex offender I would break off all contact.

Vanilla_Slice

I'm not sure what you mean by 'when he found that I had a new girlfriend, it was like i didn't know him at all', but I really think you should cut all ties with this person.

I know the mantra is 'forgive and forget' and this person hasn't done anything against you personally, but the fact is mud sticks and now that it is public knowledge that this man is a sex offender (of a minor as well), your continuing friendship may be seen as condoning his actions.

Another issue (which may not apply) is if you have children yourself; continuing your friendship may put them at risk; you only have his word that this person is 'reformed'. Even if nothing happens, your partner may be furious if she discovers you put your children at risk.

Sorry, this may sound judgemental, but you have to protect yourself and those around you. Your friend made his choices and now will have to live with the consequences.

There do exist a lot of pedophiles (people attracted to children) who never act on their impulses. It's probably a lot like a priest deciding to be celibate even though he has a normal sex drive; he simply believes something else is more important. Pedophiles who don't act on their impulses tend to believe that the welfare of children is more important.

I don't know about rehabilitation in terms of actually never having the desire again; but of not acting on it, should be possible.

There have apparently been no new offenses. If your friend no longer wants to act on his attraction, then I would say there is no problem. Severing ties because his offense has just now become publicly known doesn't make much sense if you haven't decided to do so when it was only known to a few people.

Although my first thought would be to simply remove paedophiles from the earth, since we stick them in jail and let them out again, we're accepting responsibility for them (we - as in, society).

That being the case, if we're letting them out again, we really need to assume that they've changed and let them get on with their lives. Otherwise, why let them out at all.

I'd strongly suggest that you hire the film

"The Woodsman" (2004 Kevin Bacon).
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0361127/


I'm not quite sure what to make of it because like any good film, it doesn't try to tell you how to thing but instead puts gives you "food for thought". Your interpretation of it may change how you view your relationship with your friend/ex-friend.

I have ENOUGH trouble! Being with such a person makes me look suspicious, is an influence I can do without, and would lead me to believe the person is not really worth it. I would sever all ties.

It's a hard situation to be in. If you ever had kids you certainly cannot be friends with them man. I would not trust him!

Sounds like a rather usual case of someone being envious of his friend's new love interest, actually... and being rather immature about it.