Meltdowns

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Someone mentioned on another thread about meltdowns and tantrums being different and I am curious about this. I can understand that they start for very different reasons but doesn't the end result look the same to a bystander? I know how a shut down feels but I can't imagine losing control that much in a meltdown. I guess I'm too aware of the consequences. Actually now that I think about it there have been a few times (not in public) that I have lost my temper and it felt like someone else was driving me. Is that it? I want to understand what it feels like internally. Educate my sorry butt.

Meltdowns were described to me like this: They build and build and one can tell that the child has no control and may even be unaware of what is going on around him/her.

That helps some but I'm thinking more of adults. I say my father had meltdowns but he never would have had one in public. He was too aware of the damage done. Does that mean they weren't true meltdowns? When my son is really upset he starts to run out but I can usually get him back in to talk even if he has to write it down because he's too upset to talk. I'm just always so self conscious I have a hard time imagining losing myself like that. Or maybe my life is way less stressful now because I make sure it is and when my life was out of control I drank myself numb.

I'm not sure what is meant by meltdown in this instance. In fact, I thought I had a meltdown today... I was forced to go on the London Underground (I HATE it) twice in an hour, and when I realised I had to go a second time I ended up paying thirty pence just to lock myself in the loo at the train station, so I could moan and cry myself calm before going out again. It took a good hour afterwards before I was breathing straight, and able to look around and see things. (I missed my train home of course, which is why I got home so very late.)

Was my going bright red, and sweaty, and having my heart beat like I was running a race, and crying and moaning a meltdown? Or was the fact I could think to lock myself away for a while proof that it wasn't a meltdown, it was just a panic attack?

I'm gonna say by my definition...

Tantrum = temper tantrum = throwing thigns around, screaming, blaming everyone, crying furiously, and rebelling against world-particular

Meltdown = emotional breakdown = Crying, unable to control yourself, feeling too much pressure on you, and unable to cope with it

Both can happen in public and in private, but a meltdown is more personal, not really directed at anyONE or anyTHING, just a reaction to too much stress, more towards yourself, wheras a tantrum is an anger issue directed at something in particular...

Tsiiki I was in the process of writing a long rambling reply when your post popped up. I have an easier time understanding that definition but I'm not sure that's how it goes always. I think with a tantrum the person is aware of the effect he or she is having on other people and doesn't care and someone having a meltdown that looks like a tantrum is truly out of control.
mgran I can relate. Years ago I was really having a hard time accepting my father's terminal cancer because we had had such a complicated relationship. I was night managing a bar and drinking heavily and getting no sleep. I would go into work in the afternoon and it would be noisy and crowded and some guy would always think I would be fascinated to hear how much he bid on this house painting job and how much he bid on that painting job and I would have to go into the bathroom to sit on the toilet and cry. I would literally drink my self numb after work to keep myself from screaming. So I understand what stress can do. Now I reject stress as much as I can. I consider myself like an invalid in that respect. I cannot deal-so I don't.

See for me... when I have a tantrum... half of it is because I WANT ppl to know, even if its in the privacy of my home, and throwing things around, I *WANT* the world to know I'm pissed off, because I'm PISSED and I'm sick of hiding it. Wheras when I have a meltdown, I try to keep it from the public, because its shameful, and embarrassing, and would rather avoid it... but it can happen in public, and its just too much to bear, even though I care so much about keeping it out of there, it'll still happen

(Last year I was walking to one class and one started building, was sitting in class, and trying not to loose it, and tears started falling and couldn't hold up anymore, so packed up my stuff and walked out in the middle. I sat there a good 5-10 minutes trying to avoid interrupting class by leaving, and trying to keep it under control, but got too much I was in full tears otw out... walked back to my room so I could have privacy for it, and roommate was there. I was going to have my breakdown, then call home and quit school, but I couldn't with her there, so went into the showers instead, and spent a good hour crying and shaking and rocking with warm water on me (which was really bad timing, some GUYS were working on the stall next to me, so was curled up in a ball even more wishing they werent there)... I got over it, but needed to be alone, but no matter how hard I tried, it came on in public)

I'd say that ppl try to keep meltdowns more private, mainly because its so emotional and effects you so much... its hard to admit to society that your weak, and hard to show it, so much much easier to be alone when that time comes; wheras for a tantrum you don't care so much about showing weakness, your more in a rage and just want to vent, and sometimes WANT others/theworld to know your pissed, because that serves your tantrums' purpose

I'm not sure I agree with this. I kick and throw and slam things and hit myself with meltdowns. I don't consider it a tantrum because I don't WANT to do it or WANT anyone to know it's just unstoppable because I'm overwhelmed or can't handle things.

My sister quit college before her first month was over because she would have panic attacks when she tried to go to class. My younger brother quit multiple times before he went back in his 30's to finish. Before he had set himself up by taking a full course load and also working full time and try to accomplish all this on a diet of peanut butter and speed. I've know someone who I consider an NT who described a time in her life when she was trying to "do it all" and eventually got to the point where one day she started crying and couldn't stop. I guess we all different flash points. What I'm wondering is why we don't take them seriously. Why do we expect ourselves to function in ways we weren't built to?

Five minutes ago, my AS son got into a terrible state because I told him I was going to program off the TV station that shows Family Guy. There was this episode where the baby was trying to kill the dog Brian. It was violent and disgusting and my son thought it was funny. I wanted to turn off the TV. He got very angry, called me a lot of horrible names for nearly a minute, and picked up a shoe, ready to throw it at me. Is this a tantrum or a meltdown? A few minutes later, his mood changed and he was laughiing at something with his dad, who was not in the house when the trouble occured. WTF!

Well apparantly, using wiki

A meltdown is a tantrum (when you search for it, its one of the options)

Yet to me, and in every case I've ever heard it used, its synonymous with breakdown (emotional/mental/nervous breakdowns), which is what I was saying...

Wiki's definitions:

Breakdown is more confusing, and less defined...



So... yeah, I don't know, seems to be one things where the social terminology varies from place to place

In my experience meltdowns can not be controlled on the moment itself. But I can feel it coming. When I was younger I could not stop it, but now I now to go outside. Or do something else. Or get something to drink, which is essentially the same as walking out. But the meltdown can return later, on a more private moment. But it is something that takes a lot of effort and does not succeed in all cases.

People throw tantrums to get their own way, a meltdown is well someone said above about it being an emotional breakdown. I don't think a tantrum takes as much time to build up as a meltdown. I hold back my meltdowns in public, though recently on a train I had my eyes closed so the tears just flowed. And all because the train took 30 minutes longer to leave. Like I said I can hold back a meltdown but it needs to come out so I find a place where I can be alone and just let it out. I basically don't have meltdowns in public so I don't get arrested.
I recently got lost in Redfern (and Australians know what that means) and had I broken down there oh god I don't even want to imagine what would happen to me. Police have got to be tough over there cause it's a very dangerous part of town.

I don't think this is entirely correct. My meltdowns are not directed at a specific person, but when someone else is present (as often happens), I do say stuff tha tmay be interpreted as personal to that person. Also when a particular stressor pulls the trigger, it may be that the stress had been building up and boiling for a while, but I still end up blowing up at that situation. It isn't liek meltdowns occur completely out of relation to the context the person is in at the time. Maybe you were meaning to imply that tantrums are more to gain something specific or get out of a specific duty (eg. chores) whereas meltdownsare just responses to stress/overload in general, but IME the result looks pretty much the same.

Well like I said, it was my personal definition of it... how I perceive it, and how its categorized for me

But yeah, I'd still say thats a meltdown, because stress is causing you to lash out any anything else that interferes, I mean it happens to ppl when they're just upset anyways (like you loose your job, then someone doesn't clean kitchen, so you scream at them, because your just too overloaded and everything affects you too much)

I haven't had a meltdown since I was 8, but I can't really remember what it was like.