People pleasing x

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Im not quite sure how to use these forums to be honest but here goes x

I was wonderin if anyone else trys to people please to the point where you lose yourself.
I am in the middle of fightin for an Asperger assessment but also have social anxiety too so not sure if it's just the SA.
I am scared of people not liking me which puts me into a state of anxiety when Im round anyone besides my Mum, Dad and sometimes my younger brother, then I feel fake and frustrated with myself because I am very determined of certain things I want or want to do when with my family.
Im scared of misinterpreting words and body language when Im round people so pretend Im in on the 'big secret' of social skills, I do tend to copy people a hell of a lot so when Im on my own I fret especially outside of the house incase my 'act' is seen through or I upset, annoy or disappoint someone unknowingly, (Ive mentioned it to certain friends and my Mum who tell I havent) it's definately all perception and mine seems to be all distorted x

Would appreciate any comments, was just wonder if people struggled with it too x

I have a good side and a bad side.

I show people my good side to see what they will do with it. It reveals if someone is going to treat you as less of a person and use you. When that happens, cut the cord.

Mean people get my silent side. If they keep pissing me off then they get my bad side.

See that's the thing with me, I just go into this generic yes person when Im round people no matter what the person is like, I just go into freeze frame with my personality, emotions and words. Inside Im screamin to get out an be meself but this 'frozen me' is just automatic an hits me before I know it x

I do the people pleasing with some people. It's not social anxiety (but there is anxiety). It probably is related to having a narcissistic, abusive parent and a narcissistic, abusive sister who was given a lot of leeway for that when we were growing up.

Around most people, I don't really bother. A few people, though, trigger that and it's difficult for me to engage them the way I would prefer.

Verdandi, you bring up good points too. I too was raised in a narcissistic environment and wasn't even aware of it.

Tequesta, I understand how you feel. I do that when I'm feeling at my lowest. This attitude can be changed if you want it to.

If you are the type that will do favors even though it's at your expense. Tell the person no. If you don't like saying no say "Made other plans, can't!"

If the person only talks to you when asking favors that person isn't a good person to be around and sees you as weak.

Go find people who are more like you or understanding of you. Someone who understands you or can relate to you will not treat you like that. It doesn't have to be someone with aspergers but maybe someone who isn't going to treat you like a doormat.

I have tried but lose myself when around people includin people I kinda class as close friends.

It's not the doin favours thing coz I don't trust myself to even do them. I just struggle to be myself round people an it's more about losin my opinions so can nod my head to summat I don't always agree with an bein able to say I wanna go here or do this that I freeze frame with. It's like Ive been hypnotized coz as soon as I get home away from the outside world an feelin safe the 'real me' comes back.

I feel myself tryin to 2nd guess the person Im with, Im lookin for small hints of when they wanna cross the road, how long they wanna spend in a shop, how long they wanna stop for a brew an if they want owt to eat. Im never truly at ease, feel Im on tenderhooks, if that makes sense x

I've stopped people pleasing a long time ago. I don't really think that I ever was a people pleaser.

I try to please people and I'm always afraid that no one really likes me. In the past people only wanted to be my friend if I have or can do something they want. Now there are some people that I think I can consider my friends who don't use me but I still wonder if they really like me. I'm not good with conversations so I just sit there in silence most of the time. I tend to drink to help my social anxiety but I'm trying to stop because I have a problem with it and when I get drunk I'm usually either someone to laugh at or I act like a dumb b**tch and get rude and selfish. But I don't know what to do without alcohol, it is my main coping mechanism! If I'm sober I'm okay by myself but as soon as I'm around other people I'm a nervous wreck.

Yes, when I first became friendly with the group of friends I was in I was always trying to second guess what they were thinking and how i ought to behave. I never knew whether they liked me or not. It used to really get me upset. It's taken 4 long years for me to get comfortable around them. Over the years we've got closer and I felt more able to open up around them and they understand my social anxieties now and I now feel like I belong.

I'm having to move house soon to a new town and these posts have suddenly made me realise that I'm going to need to go through this all again.

I know what you mean @glasscasket I do have some people that I feel are like that, but I dont have many friends who I can freely talk to so find it really hard to cut them off. I feel like I have to mither some friends and my brother to spend time with me and then when they give in I feel it's only because of my persistance. I mean I see my brother every Sunday when he comes up to spend time with my folkes an me, he's still always there for me I know but it's so hard to him an my friends to understand. We used to be so close until he moved out 8yrs ago an it still hurts.
When I do go out with friends it's always on the 'pop' and slowly I feel I come out of my shell to a degree with drink which can be good but sometimes such as two weeks ago I get a major 'emotional and mental' hangover which knocks me off my feet for a week or so. I worry what Ive said, how Ive acted and if I have unintentionally upset, disappointed or angered someone.
Everytime people say I was fine and it was nice to see me enjoyin myself, Im never sure if that's the true me without 'barriers' or an extreme me if you know what I mean x

Awww @hurtloam really sorry to hear that chic x
Is it far away? You'll have to keep in touch with them?
How you feeling about it?
Dont think Ive ever truly fitted in anywhere from being 11-12 when I stopped hangin about with my shildhood mates coz school and then startin to hang about with new people brought on major anxiety. That was 18-19yrs ago :-0

Once I found out I was an AS/ADHD I dropped the people pleasing bit of my personality, and now carry round 'the bird' on the inside.

I have a different interface for each person, depending on what I want them to perceive. I stopped thinking of it as changing to make people like me, and began seeing it as a series of filters of different strengths.

It isn't your fault that they can't handle the unfiltered version. It's amazing how many people in the world are embarrassed by sexually explicit speech or off color humor