Do Some of Us Deserve an Oscar?

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Well, this is going to be a different post/thread for me. I have been doing a lot of thinking the past few days. Many of us with AS are great actors. I am a great actor---well maybe not that great---but good enough to get by. Are you? Let me explain.

For example, Christmas can be a stressful time for me. Why? Because I have to act out that I like my gifts. It's not that I don't like the gifts, it's just that I really don't want to project any enthusiasm because I am not that emotional of a person. So, I act out that I like the gifts---and ohhh...does that tire me. I use my usual script and hold up the clothing saying how nice it is. Again, I like it, but I just don't want to say anything or show emotion about it. But I feel like I have to.

Tonight at dinner at an Italian restaurant, a couple with a baby moved into the table next to mine. Their little baby kept exchanging grins with my wife...then my wife started talking to the baby. Then the baby's father began singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" or something like that. He is all smiles, the baby's mother is all smiles, my wife is all smiles, and I'm displaying my famous shi##y grin that is false. Oh yes, I thought the baby was cute, but I really had no emotion I wanted to project.

Gee---I'm sounding cold. But it's a realization. I am an actor. It's how I survive in this NT world around me.

I booked a river/lake cruise today for my wife and I, and I honestly am not looking forward to it very much. What I do look forward to is my old routine. I want to get back to my special intense interests.

At get-togethers I get emotionally drained---in fact I have quit going to most of them. My wife often takes our youngest son to scouts because I cannot stand to sit in there with the other parents trying to talk to me. When I do go, I usually take a book so I can keep my nose in it.

I want to say that it's not that people scare me or give me anxiety, it's just that I am so awkward around people. Well---that is the typical AS thing isn't it? Socially awkward. That's me big time.

There are some people other than my family that I really like talking to. Those people I believe know who they are. They are people that after talking to them I ask to talk to them again soon. For me to say, "I'd like to talk to you again," or "let's have lunch again," means that that person is someone I truly enjoy talking to.

Well, I may add later. But I just wanted to see how many of you feel like you should earn an Oscar for your acting.

Oh...I am not ranting here. It's just a little topic I wanted to talk about and see how you felt about it. I have always felt that autism is a wonderful part of my life that I would not take a cure for. It has given me wonderful gifts. Well...I guess that belongs in my wonderful world of autism thread.

Yes, I would like to nominate myself for an AFI Award (Australian Film Institute Award).

Every time I go out the door and especially when I see friends at a pub or have a family get together I have to silence the autie inside of me and act like a normal person.
I'm going to have to re-read my NT script to prepare for tonight; family dinner, watch my brothers band and attempt to be social and fun. How exhausting! I could just stay home and read up on physics, or read my favourite novel, or write or draw.

The first thing that came to my mind when I thought about "acting" is that it is a false way of "interacting." Even for professional actors, they are following a script which tells them how to interact with other actors, they are not interacting for the sake of interacting, they are just acting. Although there are times when I genuinely interact, with my family for example, most of the time, I Act like I am interacting, when Actually, I am just performing, saying and doing what I think is expected of me, which is to be interactive. I have become very good at acting and raised in a family of actors, all good, decent people, but definitely actors. My father always had the movie camera rolling and we were expected to be animated, and even encouraged to follow little scripts because my father didn't want the movie to be boring with us just standing around. After all, movies are about action, especially the old time movies with no sound. One home movie that stands out in my mind was for Father's Day and was filmed by my mother, as my father had the starring role. It was filmed in the back yard with my father sitting like a king in a big chair. The story line was - He was the king and we were his servants, so we took turns bringing him things, a cold beer, a sandwich, comfortable slippers, a new shirt, the newspaper. After we presented him with a gift or item he would make a big tadoo about how pleased he was and then we would walk backwards away from him bowing or kowtowing out of the scene, as those servants who are not permitted to turn their back to the King. The neighbors must have thought we were nuts, but really, it was a lot of fun and we have some hilarious home movies to show for it. This training came in very handy for me, as you might expect.

I know this is lengthy, but I think it is fascinating to see all of the ways that people "interact" or are expected to "interact" and how many, if not most, of us with Asperger's develop acting skill in order to perform these interactions in order to comply with the accepted standards of socialization. To please others, to appear sociable and be acceptable. I have underlined the words that haave to do with acting or performing.


• INTERACT (verb)
The verb INTERACT has 1 sense:

1. act together or towards others or with others

Classified under:

Verbs of political and social activities and events

Context example:

He should interact more with his colleagues

Hypernyms (to "interact" is one way to...):

act; move (perform an action, or work

Troponyms (each of the following is one way to "interact"):

collude; conspire (act in unison or agreement and in secret towards a deceitful or illegal purpose)

socialize (take part in social activities; interact with others)

connect; get in touch; touch base (establish communication with someone)

assemble; forgather; gather; meet (collect in one place)

relate (have or establish a relationship to)

do by; handle; treat (interact in a certain way)

fall all over (display excessive love or show excessive gratitude towards)

interfere; interpose; intervene; step in (get involved, so as to alter or hinder an action, or through force or threat of force)

affiliate; associate; assort; consort (keep company with; hang out with)

invite; pay for (have as a guest)

have (have a personal or business relationship with someone)

communicate; intercommunicate (transmit thoughts or feelings)

reach out (attempt to communicate)

condescend; patronise; patronize (treat condescendingly)

communicate (be in verbal contact; interchange information or ideas)

control; keep in line; manipulate (control (others or oneself) or influence skillfully, usually to one's advantage)

transact (conduct business)

marginalise; marginalize (relegate to a lower or outer edge, as of specific groups of people)

combine (join for a common purpose or in a common action)

philander; womanise; womanize (have amorous affairs; of men)

I try to act, but I feel I am lying, and I can't stand to lie, even by accident. But I know everyone expects you to be happy about a gift. also I feel like lying if I smile for a camera, because I don't have a large smile, so why fake it. I have learned to be more cheerful when receiving gifts. Also, why do people ask questions they don't want to hear the real truth about. What are you supposed to say when someone with an ugly child says "Isn't she/he cute", i'm sorry but I can't lie about it. My mom told me when I was about 8 yrs old ,that if someone does that, that you can find something nice to say and it won't be lying, so I use the eyes as a way to get out of saying their kid is cute. I notice everybody I meets eye color, so I would say "She has pretty green eyes" instead of "no, she is actually quite ugly", so I have even been in the situation where the kid didn't even have nice enough eyes to compliment, so I said, I love that shirt. But I can't stand having to act, like you said it drains me, maybe that's why holidays are so tiring. My dad goes off to his room after the first hour or so and I definetly got the autism gene from him.I just wish people wouldn't expect people to think their kid is cute, I never said that about my kids, because even if i didn't see that they weren't cute I wouldn't expect someone else to. Also when I worked, I was glad I worked in a lab, because I hate people, I wanted to do my work and be left alone, not participate in other employees drama and act like I'm really interested to come to work just to hear how the past 24 hrs went for them. They certainly didn't want to hear me talk, but they act like, or really are, interested in each others outside lives.

When you get a great gift, acknowledge it as such. No need to act delighted, as if you had won the lottery. A gracious smile and a sincere thank you are sufficient. You are happy to be with those you love and who love you. This is the stuff of contentment and serenity, not mania. The older people get, the more like this they become (I am 53).

Otto

I've done such a good job acting as an NT for years that I'm just starting to unravel the real acting subject inside me with the layer of "faking" which, although creates anxiety for me, comes pretty naturally these days.

I think I'm finding that I experience fewer emotions than I thought, simply because so many of those "emotions" are simply mannerisms I adapt in social situations for the benefit of harmony.

Dan

Caught in the act topic

I nominate all aspies/auties (who are able to play the game) for an Autscar.

I would not win!!

I empathize with your metaphor 100 percent, but agree with it only 90.  The actor analogy is accurate up to a point, but in all honesty, watching events in 2008 I actually saw an even closer parallel: that of an elected politician.

Some people follow politics, most don't.  But if you pay attention to what they do over a cross-section of time, the parallels are uncanny.  In order to get elected, people have to like them.  In order for people to like them, they often end up pretending to be someone they're not.  If you watched the rise and fall of Hillary Clinton last year, it's enough to feel sympathy for her.  She's not warm, she's not highly-emotional, she doesn't love the limelight, and for this reason along with latent sexism - pluralities of Americans distrust or dislike her.  Sound at all familiar?

But she felt compelled to play the game anyway, and just think back to all those appearances and events.  Every fake smile, every contrived display of warmth, every aide spinning anecdotes about how warm and personable she is when nobody's watching.  And voters across America told pollsters they liked her, they thought she sincerely cared about people like them, but there was just something off-putting about her persona.  And they went for the guy effortlessly at ease with himself.  Sound at all familiar?

It doesn't start and end with Clinton.  Pick a random prominent politician and 75 percent of the time you'll see the same thing.  John Kerry trying to fit in with Pennsylvanian duck hunters.  Al Gore kissing his wife at the convention to prove he wasn't an automaton.  John McCain struggling to convince conservatives he believes and cares about things he did not.  Sound at all familiar?

It's an entertaining parallel, but it has a practical point to it: you can see how this lifestyle corrodes the soul of these people.  Carrying up a pretense all day, every day, through an expansive electoral calendar - it makes them tired.  They get cranky, they appear awkward, and they make big mistakes.  On camera.  And get twisted up in knots trying to awkwardly explain said mistake on other cameras.  Watching HIllary and McCain suffer like this convinced me to drastically change my life and cut out all but the most necessarily social contrivances.  Unlike them, I don't need to get 51 percent of the public to like me.  I don't need any of them to like me in fact.  Better to just live one's life authentically and unselfishly, treat others with kindness and respect at all times, good people will see this, and if anyone has a problem with that - they can hail a cab and drive straight to hell.

Hope this doesn't come across as too negative, as it's been quite affirmative for myself, and maybe it might help someone else make better sense of things.

I see what you are saying Meursault, but there is a differnce here. With me, unlike the politicians, I am projecting (in an acting way) what I feel deep inside. So it is not anything untrue like John Kerry trying to fit in with duck hunters when he didn't want to. With me, like with the Christmas gifts, I do like them, so I'm not projecting a false truth. What I am saying is that I have to act out my feelings so that they project to those I am relating to. I feel awkward letting my feelings/emotions out. So, I use a scripting/acting method. Thanks for posting.

very good point glider, if what we feel isn't showing, then, remembering these are people we love, not people we are trying to get to vote for us. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, its like you said, we want these people to know that we are happy, it just doesn't show on the outside. Like when my Mom died, I cared deeply for my mother, but I did not cry, Thankfully my family knows I don't show outwardly signs the way most do. None the less I still feel bad about it.