being on the verge of tears.

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my family has a house that is 4 hours from where we live now and we use that has a summer house. my mom always wanted to move into that house when her and my dad retire. over the last couple of years, they wanted me to move with them to this town 4 hours away and i always told them that i wanted to stay in the town where i am now, but their not convinced. my current living situation is living in their basement suite. they bought a house with a basement suite so i could learn to be more independent. they want to sell this house and use the money to get an apartment for me in city their moving to. as much as i keep telling them that i don't want to move there, their convinced that i'm not independent enough to live on my own 4 hours away from them (just in case something happened and their not there to help.)

they think that i'm only 75% independent and that the other 25% is on them because their always having me over dinner since i live downstairs. i've never moved because i wanted to. i always moved when my parents wanted to move. i never was able to pack up my stuff and move into a place just on my own and each time i've move, its always been with me. i feel like i don't have that independence from them because their always around and looking over my shoulder.

i always felt like as parents they would help me with reaching that milestone in helping me be more independent so when they did retire, they could move 4 hours away and now that they can leave me where i am and know i'll be fine. i always figured that if they were 4 hours away and didn't have them to rely on all the time then i would have to learn how to do things on my own because i would have to deal with things on my own.

i feel like they dont have the faith in me to try living far from them. its like they want to baby me and make sure that my life is up to their standards. they always knew that i wanted to stay and i would have thought they would want to help me get to that point where they wouldn't have to worry.

when i moved to where i am now (my parents basement suite.) back in 2012 i thought i be more far along then i am now. i thought this would be a good way for me to do what i want to do, find a job, make new friends and have them over, at that fun stuff when you first move out on your own, but i'm pretty much in the same boat now then when i was back in 2012. i know its on me to show them that i would be just fine being on my own when they retire, but in a way its on them to because its like instead of assuming i'll have everything figured out, they should have giving me the motivation and the encouragement to get to where i wanted to be. they know i struggle in some areas in life and they could have helped me figure those parts out and tell me what i could do to help me succeed.

they have suggested applying for low income house, live in a home share or get a apartment with a roommate to help with the rent, but my parents are worried that if i get a job then i lose it or the roommate decides to move then who's gonna help pitch in with the rent.

there have been times where i just want to cry because my life isn't where i want to be and i don't want my parents to always tell me what i should and shouldn't do with my life. i have a brother who talks about moving out of the province for work if the right position comes up and they are worried that i won't have any family support if i live alone and there's an emergency. if their fine with my brother living across the country in a city he's not familiar with then i believe that they should be okay with me staying in a town where i grew up in and know it like the back of my hand.

i have a hard time meeting people as it is. i don't want to move 4 hours away and have to start from the beginning struggle in meeting people. where i'm living now, i know people so at least i have that sense of comfort instead of walking into a store in this new town and not knowing anybody and being all shy, quiet and not saying a word. why branch out and meet people when i'm not a people person?

Would your brother be willing to let you be a temporary roommate? That way you could get some more practice with independence and not be locked into a rent contract.

I'm not either, and I don't go out of my way to meet people. But, I do think it is well worth learning to interact with people when needed. It helps if you want to maintain a job, and that helps if you want to have some independence. It's a good skill to have.

my brother doesn't have the room for a roommate and he hasn't offered or volunteered to have me stay with him. which i think it's stupid because he lived with me for a month when he was in between apartments even when i kept telling both him and my parents that i didn't want him to live with me. he's moved back home to many times.

Yup. Moving out on your own is risky. Especially at first. Everyone who moves out of their parents house faces risks like loosing their job or having a rotten room mate. I hope you find a way to do what make you happy. Sometimes, we end up getting forced to do what is right for us. Sometimes we fail. That's OK. It's OK to try and fail. The trick is to keep trying.

One of the great lies we tell ourselves is that we stop learning and growing up when we leave school. It's not true. Just because you aren't ready to live on your own one year does not mean that you aren't ready the next year.

I have no idea if living on your own is really right for you, or if you rely on your parents more than you know. It's really hard to say, but I totally support you in trying. I wonder if you could find a temporary place to try for a few months. Just somewhere to experience living without any family around. And then maybe you would be in a better place to decide if you want to move closer to your parent's retirement house.