WHY DOES SHE GET SYMPATHY!?!

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Ok, something happened the other day when I was at work, that I really didn't understand. This couple came in with an Autistic boy that was about 12. They were escorting him, standing either side of him, with his arms securely latched in their hands, like he couldn't bloody walk on his own. They got to my till and started ordering. The boy somehow managed to slip free of his mother and started tapping the picture on the back of the register. I'll admit, the sound was a bit annoying, but I wasn't bothered, you should see some of the things I have to put up with from the 'normal' kids. But the parents WENT MAD AT HIM, to the point where his father dragged him away. And the mother just stands there blurting 'I'm so sorry, he's Autistic!' and everyone just nods solemnly at her with expressions of 'yes you poor thing'.
In the mean time I'm on the opposite side of the counter, in complete shock. All he wanted to do was tap the register! What the hell!? And his mother there harping on like a wounded veteran. I felt so sorry for the poor kid. What kind of parenting is that?

I've seen this kind of behaviour too. I remember one time a girl who started rocking and humming in a queue at the bank, and her mother kept telling her to "stop it, stop it." She ended up saying exactly what your moron said, "I'm sorry, she's autistic," and even though I didn't know at the time that I was on the spectrum I was so angry with her. (I was behind them in the queue.) She started complaining about her daughter to the old lady in front, and the old lady kept making sympathetic noises, looking at the girl, saying, "oh, what a shame," and "it must be so hard," etc.

I said, "well, I don't have a problem with the kid, she's a kid after all. I don't know why you're putting her down in front of strangers though, she's autistic, not deaf."

The mother then started saying how people were so judgemental, and if you didn't have to live with autism you didn't know how bad it was. I wish my Dad had told me about my diagnoses at that stage... it might have shut her up.

Poor kids.

I don't know why parents think that stimming is a problem.

I admit, I have no idea what that might have been about though I'm usually really good with people.

What's the matter with tapping the register if you didn't even complain about it?

Makes me sick.

Some parents need to get their heads screwed on properley... Caring what a bunch of strangers think above their own child!

That sounds terrible. The kid won't easily grow into a healthy adult that way. Parents need to act better and care for the kid. Hate it when someone goes 'poor me oh my' about this kind of thing. I concur with everone elses sentiment Poor Kid.


Hate the 'poor me oh my' attitude anyways because the people who have had this (in my experience) wallow in self pity and get some perverse pleasure out of it. This type of people seem to only be happy when they have something to moan about in my experience. Though, bear in mind that my experience may be limited by comparison to others.

For some reason, a lot of the parents of autistic/AS children I've seen tend to be borderline histrionic.

They make a huge deal about the smallest 'odd' behaviours in their child, and start 'apologizing' for their behaviour loudly, hoping to get attention and sympathy. Or, they make a huge deal about their child and another child getting into a conflict.

For example, one parent said that she took her son to get diagnosed with AS because he was TOO polite and well-behaved.

Another parent of a non-verbal boy came into the restaurant one day (back when I worked at McDonalds). He was playing with a boy about six or seven years old, when the other boy scratched him on a sunburn area. The autistic boy starts crying, and the mother swoops over and starts SCREAMING bloody murder. "He's only ten years old! Oh my god! How horrible, he's scarred for life! Someone should be SUED! He's only ten years old!"

The other boy's parents apologized to her, and left the restaurant as punishment. They did scold the boy, but obviously didn't want to be around this woman anymore. Yes, it's a sunburn and the scratch hurt. But he'll get over it. And the boy who did it was obviously younger than her son, so screaming about him being ten years old isn't a big deal.

It goes to show that some neurotypical people can be a bunch of plonkers sometimes and this is the case. The kid will end up hating neurotypicals or himself. It has happened and the parent does not need sympathy at all just a boot up the arse. No one ever feels sorry for the autistic on having to put up with a neurotypical family if they have one what if in the end the kid only had Asperger syndrome. coping with an autistic child can be difficult at times but so would coping with a neurotypical child. Pitying the parents like that is inciting aspiphobia and other forms of hatred of people on the autistic spectrum. It can be bad having to cope with neurobigotry of a primitive society that we have to exist in let alone with idiots who actively enccourage bigotry even within familes. I can understand how this child feels especially having to cope with stupid parents getting sympathy from strangers who do not have two nerve cells to rub together between the ears.

Well some parents of autistic kids are embarrassed by them so they say oh he/she's autistic and people go ahh since they know of Autism in that form (tapping or behaving differently no offense to anyone) Freaking out over just tapping seems odd IMO but the parents were embarrassed of there child IMO.

Now this I don't like. The boy did absolutely nothing wrong, in my opinion. I don't agree with parents who yell at autistic children for harmless stimming, while other parents ignore their NT kids running around acting like brats.

See this is the kind of prent that disgusts me somewhat similar to a parent of on my estate however I sympaphose with her because her son has severe dons syndrome but parents like this disgust as they wrap their child in a bubble hoping for the best but completely isolating their child in the meantime not realising that for a young auttistic kid that is the very worse thing, you should be nudging them to socialise not forcing them but just creating situations that are plausable for coincidence making te child comfortable
Also encouraging their interests (i don't like the word obsession it sounds so negative) if its macabre and unacceptable for example some aspie teens and adults develope a fascination with porn or looking at pictures of death, yes death is natural but it is not really healthy for anyone really autistic o non autistic

I feel sorry for the child as he will become a mes in his teens and probably develope depression, there was an aspie for the first few months at uni my first year and his mother was not this extreme but still wrapped him in cotton wool and he had attempted suicide 7 times has severe depression, schitzphronia, abd ab ibsession with anime and only japan, I pity him tbh but oh well live and let die

I think it's horrible when kids get treated that way, but it's not always entirely the parents' fault. A lot of times they've been told by ABA practitioners and similar people that all stimming and other outwardly autistic behavior needs to be "corrected" immediately, and they don't know any better. The ABA "doctors" have told them that that's what's best for their kid and they're trying to do what's right.

Though it's not quite the same perspective...

My son has a more prominent AS than I do, and when he was between 1 and 3 years old he would be very dramatic in public (clearly the overload of noise and people caused this) but I never apologized for him to anyone...

BUT...

You should have seen how many parents came up and started crap with me thinking I was a bad parent because I let him melt down or stim or scream and cover his ears or let him slam his head over and over into the nearest hard object.

One time he threw himself on the ground in the middle of crossing a busy street, and since that's a life threatening situation I reacted with just as much force to get him to safety and some b***h had the nerve to roll down her window and threaten to call DHS on me for being too rough with him.

......

My EX inlaws once took us to a museum.. (should have stopped them right there, but I was always trying to be nice to them)... When my TODDLER son with AS decided to make a noise in this HUGE place where the echo was cool and he tried to run a little because it was a very neat place to be in...i got these looks from them like I was some sort of idiot. I am very glad they are my ex inlaws to this day.

A good line to say to someone that is clearly being judgemental is "What are YOU looking at!?"

In 7th grade it started fist fights, but as adults ppl stop looking at you and walk away.

Sounds like those parents are just embarrassed at their situation. I wish someone would embarrass them over how selfish and judgmental they're being. Sure the media and some doctors can give you the wrong impression over your child's condition, but advice isn't meant to replace common sense and attempts at understanding.

Hrmph, where did i read in my philosophy class that someone said that you shouldn't boast of your sacrifices as it will make you seem immoral? <.<