Directness

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This is a question mostly to the neurotypicals but aspies can answer it as well, but I am not sure if they know the answer, but if you do please answer!

Anyway, why can't be people be more direct in saying things

I often ask people for the direct and honest opinion. I am not much of a person who cares about my feelings. I personally believe honesty is more important then emotions

For example, if on a job interview I ask to the interviewer "What do you think is my greatest weakness(es) as a candidate are?" or to a friend of mine "Are you embarassed to be with me?" and they try to lie to me.

I just want to know that is all.

As an NT, I prefer direct. But, it usually gets me into a lot of trouble sooner or later.

Each individual has an entire history through which they filter their experiences, and communication simply gets muddled up in all that.

I think a lot of it has to do with fear - fear of rejection, fear of causing someone else pain, fear of embarrassment, fear of the unknown. And NTs do not like to be uncomfortable, and honesty - being real with themselves and others - is unbearably disconcerting.

But please know that it isn't malicious lying - probably not even conscious. They just don't know how to handle their own thoughts and emotions. See it as their insecurity - not in an arrogant or superior way, but with compassion. We're all imperfect.

OK, for what it's worth, I think there are three reasons:

1. They don't want to hurt your feelings. If my friend says he is embarrassed to be with me, the information is too general, and I would worry about whether I should hang out with him or not. If he said sometimes he's embarrassed because I do certain specific things, that is information I can use, and maybe modify my behaviour.

2. Good manners. Manners and etiquette are designed to keep people from offending each other. NT's have to learn good manners too, or else they're brats. The rules are culturally specific, but fairly consistent and logical.

3. Social ritual. There are elaborate social rituals about when and how different types of information can be shared. Talking about potentially sensitive personal matters requires a certain amount of ritualistic preparation. For example, if I'm alone with my friend, and we were with a group the day before, and was acting a little different toward me, I might quietly ask "Can I ask you a personal question? <let him answer> Was I doing something weird yesterday that embarrassed you?

There's a lot of social ritual packed into the way that question is asked:
1. You should have privacy, in a quiet place.
2. You ask permission to shift from a polite to an intimate set of rules.
3. You use a quieter voice when asking personal questions.
4. You ask the question about a specific time and place, so any criticism isn't too general. This is to save him from feeling bad about hurting your feelings.
5. You ask for an answer you can apply to simple, specific behaviour, so he realizes that he is helping you, not hurting you, by being honest and direct.

When NT's ask for honest feedback they usually really want positive reinforcement, and feel betrayed if you say something critical. They feel like they allowed themselves to be vulnerable and invited you into an intimacy ritual, and you broke the rules by not considering their feelings.

Some NTs appreciate the honesty, but it's still good to try to follow the rituals a little.

^ Excellent post! Spot on...

I take the time to be direct with people, and I expect the same directness in return.

It can be a cultural thing as well. Some people (such as WASPs, and people in Japan) are brought up to avoid making personal comments or expressing negative feelings. Others are generally more direct in their speech. Even without throwing Aspies into the mix, when cultures interact, misunderstandings often occur.