arguements

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i have a horrible time arguing with people. i cant think of a single time in my life where ive won an argument. i dont like that nobody ever listens to me. usually when i agrue i explain my point and nobody understands and then i get fusterated and start becoming incoharent and angry. does anyone else have a hard time arguing?

I have no problem being very passionate about what I know as fact, though if I am uncertain,
I'll take quite a bit of BS from both sides until I have a chance to consider all the motives.

I don't like to argue because I get anxious and under stress can't keep my thoughts straight and lose track of the points I want to make. I'd rather ask questions of the other person and present an opposing view as a topic for mutual consideration.

There's always grey areas and always differeing opinions, and there are almost no arguments where one person is "right" and the other person is "wrong."

99% of the time it's just different opinions.

So first of all, I'd stop looking at it as "win or lose" and view it as two people sharing differing opinions, and agreeing to disagree.

I've been assigned to help a colleague who is having trouble socially at work. Maybe a bit like how you feel, she really doesn't understand how others can have differing opinions ... but that doesn't mean she's "right" and they are "wrong."

It's really just a matter of differing perspectives.

I can't stand arguing. Debates, where it's based on real facts, are okay usually, but in arguments, people will frequently say things that aren't based on any kind of fact, and simply insist on them. They won't have a reason, besides to insinuate that anyone who doesn't agree with them is bad. There's logical way to counter that, because it's not a logical or rational exchange. It's all just about shame and insults. Or word-twisting. Somebody will take a term, and interpret it incorrectly, and that use that incorrect interpretation to "prove" a point that doesn't make any sense to begin with. Then act like I'm doing something wrong for disagreeing with them. And how to you explain that verbally? It's not like I have an encyclopedia in my head I can refer to to prove that they're twisting words, and they probably wouldn't care if I did. So if it's not on a topic I've memorized everything about, I'd need to look something up, and then they'd take that as "winning." And even if I do know exactly why they're wrong, they may not care. They're too stuck on their illogical point to listen to any amount of reason. And then if they make their stupid, illogical point slowly, they'll claim that it was "calm and rational" even it was no such thing; saying something slowly is NOT the same thing as saying it calmly.

Argument create me trouble but not because I can't handle them but because I give hard time to other people when I join one. But I tend to mostly only join argument that are possible to have a logic opinion, for I lose all my difficulty to express myself if I speak logically and I become extremely confidant since my usual slow way to express myself is no longer holding back my train of thought. And since when I become confidant my voice get loud (which is normally quite low) and combined by the fact I got a stature to go with such a voice I think it tend to make people very uncomfortable.

Second because I try to hold a logic opinion in argument I tend to lose a lot of people.

Yes, usually I argue over the wording someone chose that causes me to not be able to understand things from the start. After it goes on a while, I become incoherent, angry, and unable to understand anything that is said thereafter.

What frustrates me so much, is it is never really what they said (as far as taking anything personally usually), as I can be fairly objective at times and not get too emotionally involved... it's always the WORDING they use that gets me started (like asking a question they don't want an answer to, or saying "always" instead of "sometimes")... and they never go back and correct that until they finally listen to me (half hour later) and realize it and explain what they meant. After that, the argument is over.