'Settling'

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This is a forum post from Brassgoggles, a steampunk forum I go on, which I though you all might be interested in:

I agree, and deciding not to settle doesn't mean you are holding out for perfection, just holding out for what's right for you. He sounds like a wise guy -not a wiseguy

Looks to me like this guy looked at other peoples' lives and decided that they are far more miserable than they actually are just because their lives would make HIM miserable. I see that a lot; overestimation of the unhappiness of others because they are enjoying lives that would make the poster miserable.

a person should just live the life that is the best for them.

We're not talking about "settling down," right?

I think life is what you make of it. You have to do things in life that make you happy and are right for the moment. That may mean settling temporarily to achieve a broader goal. That's how life goes.

I remember having a conversation with my teenage daughter's guidance teacher, who was a really lovely woman, but had totally different views than I had. My daughter, who was and still is an amazing artist was given an aptitude test and the guidance teacher was calling me to tell me that my daughter would be able to work in a store selling art, or in a museum as a guide, but wasn't suited to be an artist herself, according to this test.

I wasn't buying it and I told the guidance teacher that my daughter IS an artist and no one is going to tell me or her differently. I also said people can do whatever they want to do. She said, "Well, Ms. C, sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do."
I said "I will never do something I don't want to do. Never." And I never have.

If she has the talent to be an artist then she should be an artist.
that is just weird to say different.

I used to work with a guy who later became a high school guidance counselor-I can't think of anybody worse suited to the job. A bully plain and simple and proud of it.

I agree. However, the contrary of what you describe can also be true: in my case, "settling" in a sense meant going to university straigh tout of high school (I graduated from a high-level high school) and it was sort of expected that I'd pursue a career in academia. Dreams were actually big, including a magic green card to live in the US permanently after university graduation and I'd never return to the boring, small Netherlands. I would probably indeed have "settled" for university even though I was feeling miserable, if I hadn't been so miserable tha tit required psych hospitalization. However, maybe I will at one point indeed "settle" in yoru traditional way of meaning it, that is, for a low-level, boring job or no job at all.

I've always been told by so many people "well, first you have childhood, then come your teens and college years--those're the best years of your life--then after that ya get a job, settle down, and have a family"

What I always tried to get an explanation about was: "why is that the best time of one's life? what about the working part?"

Then I hear people telling me how much they hate their jobs, but do it cause it supports their families. They just preferred the college years of drinking, drugs, and ambiguous sex.

So here's what I got from that: Basically, they like childhood-early '20s, because it's the age of little responsibility, and then it's off to do an office job to support family until retirement. During those "terrible" years, basically you hang around the water cooler and b***h about the economy, politics, religion, or who's having an affair, then look good to the rest of your family while you continue to hate your life, until you either have a mental breakdown and pursue some cult, or finally retire and tell yourself you've lived a good life when it's completely blown.

to quote Billy Joel "good luck movin' up cause I'm movin' out"

For me, childhood-early '20s was a joke, and if that was supposed to be the high point of my life, what was the point of continuing it?

Then I started asking more questions like "why do you have to get a job you don't like? what's really the point to all that? why not do something you love to do? why get married to someone you despise, just to look good to other people?"

And one thing I'd tell people was "I never look good to other people, so why should I honestly care now?"

Thanks to asking all those "hows" and "whys", my life is a thousand times better than it ever was before, and I can see my life beginning to catapult to intense happiness and success in the next few years.

Ya know..most of those folks I know who are NTs handle the stress and dread of their lives by downing 'em with smoking, drugs, and drinking.

I'm Autistic; I have twice the stress of an NT..yet I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs; I'm always mentally focused on something--or as it would be, a million things--and I like to deal with my problems head on. I also have a relaxation CD my girlfriend gave me, and it works wonders.