accusations

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is it normal for those with autism to be accused or questioned of/about:

a) being abused
b) being neglected
c) abusing drugs
d) all of the above?

Share experiences please.

People think "different" = "damaged" and who has the easiest access to damage a person?
Their parents. It's statistically accurate, I guess... abused and neglected individuals do display very different neurological behavior more often than not.

And yes, I have been asked if I'm "high" countless times (when I zone out) or if I'm on "speed" when I'm hyper-focused or obsessing.

I've been accused of lying (when that goes completely against who I am) and of being creepy, self-centered, negative, arrogant, hateful, and other things, I'm sure. For me to be accused of lying (especially by someone I've known for 11 years) is like being stabbed in the gut. Also, to be accused of cheating or being in any way unfaithful is very hurtful. I had an ex who made a lot of assumptions about me. It was no doubt the worst relationship I ever had.

Oooh, that happened to me too. Well, accused of conspiring and gossiping against my friend, when she knows I'm totally not the kind of person to cause drama EVER. D: Twice even.

I guess people expect from us what they have found to be true for pretty much everyone else they know, which is not unreasonable, but can cause a lot of problems. They have a hard time figuring out and understanding in what ways we are different and how it effects our actions.

But I have not been questioned about the stuff in the opening post. Probably because I keep quiet most of the time, I think.

i have been accused of lying(and of being creepy amongst other things)

but not questioned about the opening post stuff.

People have suspected me of being a drug abuser ever since secondary school, due to my spaciness, constant (insomnia-related) tiredness and lack of desire to engage with others - Obviously these are all aspie traits, but in the early 80s - when I went to school - hardly anyone knew what AS was, so people tended to cotton on to drugs as a convenient explanation for what they perceived as my oddness.

Mind you, I can't honestly say I've always been pristine clean when it comes to recreational drug use - being a musician, it's an occupational hazard to some extent - but I've never been addicted, and the irony of the situatipon is that during high school I barely touched anything at all except for the occasional marijuana joint.

Never had the other three accusations levelled at me though.

Last edited by Locustman on 18 Aug 2009, 10:58 am, edited 2 times in total.

Yup.
Part of it is that not making correct eye contact and fidgeting nervously are signs to an NT that someone is being dishonest.
AS kinda does lead to abuse, though. Not necessarily child abuse, but peer abuse. Same with neglect. Even if it's not that one was neglected by caretakers (although, of course, if a caretaker couldn't figure out what it was that a child needed, they couldn't possibly provide it) but by society in general. Infants given everything they "need" but no human contact don't survive, and if they do, barely. An aspie who went through most of their life unable to form peer relationships may be very likely to be very psychologically similar to someone who was neglected. Not to mention that most therapists feel quite comfortable discussing trauma issues. They'd much rather your issues be related to trauma, which is an within their comfort zone, than AS, which, for most therapists, is way outside their comfort zone.

Oh yea, the school and pretty much all of the students too thought I was on drugs since 6th grade. The few friends I did have actually were and I also looked the part as well as how I acted. I didn't necessarily deny it either since it made more cool rather than just weird.

Quite the contrast from reality though, I don't even drink caffeine let alone drugs or alcohol.

i have been questioned about drug abuse and being abused. I've had people suspect that I'm being neglected because of my "lack of problem solving skills and common sense etc". I've always been thought to be on drugs. Thanks for the replies I would like to see if this is common.

I've never been accused of drugs but I've been asked if my father abused or neglected me by my friends (we had a non-existent/bad relationship & I really don't know if he technically neglected me if your asking about physical/sexual abuse no). I've been accused of lying so often its not even funny (by my own family). I don't lie unless I think I have to (to my g-mom in particular when she asks me personal questions I don't want to answer b/c its NOHB about people I know or friends). Even when I'm not lying (which I would say is most of the time b/c I can't lie convincingly) I must look like I am b/c my parents & brother say I get this "lying face" my face twists up in a guilty manner from nerves due to the fact I know that no matter what they'll think I'm lying not b/c I'm actually lying.

A friend (now an ex-friend) accused me of being manipulative and pretending to have AS. My theory is that just because she's a manipulative person, she assumes everyone else is.

It depends on the context. I have never been asked thesequestions by non-professionals like friends, except when we were discussing the topic for another reason (eg. a news report or someone we know having these experiences). However, in psychiatric or psychological discussions, these are fairly common screening questions in my experience. Especially the substance abuse question: that was a standard question on my application form for mental health.

The only time I have been questioned about abuse/neglect in a suggestive manner, was with a psychologist in 2005. I was not diagnosed with AS at the time and it was completely unrelated to that.

I think that that is extremely common. What it boils down to is that if she were acting the way you were acting, it would be because she was trying to manipulate somebody.
"Judge not, lest ye be judged" applies to a lot more than religion. Many times judgment says more about the person doing the judging than it does about the person being judged. (I don't know the actual statistic, I don't know if there is a way to know. It would involve very specific definitions of what constitutes judgment in this particular case. It applies largely to judgments of character, and less to judgments of fact, although it could of course be argued that the nature of somebody's character is factual. Point being, that a significant amount of judgments have more to do with the judge-er than the judge-ee, but not all of them.) Many also have a lot to do with people in the past who have acted a similar way; I think that this is a necessary evil. It sucks to be judged on the basis of what somebody else did, but at the same time, if people didn't learn from getting hurt in the past, it would keep happening. If the last time somebody acted a certain way, they were being manipulative, people have to protect themselves by at least considering that the next person they see acting that way will be doing it in order to manipulate as well.

those are stock questions for mental health care intake sessions, so I've been asked many times, and I always answer truthfully that yes, it was "all of the above". the "all of the above" answer has made it difficult to get to my core issues, which now appear to be neurological. yes, the abuse and neglect did a lot of damage, but standard therapy hasn't worked well until put in the context of AS.

people have accused me of having "too many problems", "holes in (my) brain", being "a nag", "a b***h", "too literal", "narcissistic", "dangerous". all of those have broken down my fragile self esteem. at least knowing I have AS makes me realize that all those hurtful things were said because people were projecting and assuming, and none of them actually knew me at all past the extent needed to manipulate me into doing what they want or thinking the way they want.

I have been accused of being ret*d and that is normal in us. Some people online have thought I was abused or something and one guy had thought I wasn't being honest with him. I don't know what he wanted to hear and he always thought something was wrong and I wouldn't tell him. I think I didn't talk enough and I was too shy. Other men have thought I didn't like them because they lose interest in me. I did better online though and then I meet them and I wouldn't be shy because I already knew them.

lol, same