I am realy disapointed of my life.

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While I m writing my first post in this forum that I am in intolerable spiritual condition. I feel that I am at the edge of precipice. That in front of it is a deep valley (death) and behind it is my hellish life I am not enough brave throw myself into the valley and there is no power inside me back to my bitter life. My suffering years of life started from my adolescence I felt I was an introvert I dedicated my whole life to study until I entered the university where it was based on social relations and I became completely isolated from the outside world. Now I work in a bank a place full of social interactions with people and colleagues and my unsociability became very clear and bare. Almost all my colleagues found me very strange quiet , and look at me in special way, our new boss told in front of others that he is worry about my condition my sadness, in spite of my trying to pretend to be normal I don’t know how he discover me at the first glance as he said. I broken down so badly after his statement among other colleagues . And I now have to bear their every day looks on me. I have a great pity for myself I am 28, all of my friends have their own life, husband, and for me life is constantly struggle, and life is my hostile that just erode me I don’t know where the end is for my suffering times and days. I have AS and my lifestyle must differ but that’s too late for changing! Is it possible to be happy with AS and be among NT’s?

Anahita, yes it is possible to be happy with AS among NTs.

You do sound very sad, and you are mentioning death. When a person is that sad it is very evident from their face, voice and whole body.

When kind people see someone feeling that sad, they want to help, but they do not know how to.

You need to cheer yourself up - what can do this for you? A walk in the park? Listen to some music? Gaze at a blue sky?

You need help - who can help you? Is there someone in the real world who knows you and knows what can cheer you up? It maybe that you need to see a doctor.

Hi Anahita,

I hope you are able to find some sort of happiness. Sadness is so toxic. I hope you are able to find some things that make you feel good, and keep doing them. I just wanted to welcome you to WrongPlanet, hopefully you are able to see that this is a great place. When you're feeling disconnected, I hope you can come here and find some sort of relief. Sometimes it's nice just being able to interact with others who understand. I am incredibly sad myself. I do have a spouse, and I've got a boy. At the best of times, I appear normal to outside onlookers. However, on the inside I am falling apart. My son is having a lot of issues that I seem to be unable to help him resolve, which makes me feel like a failure. It leaves me feeling poisonous. Like I'm the genetic contributor to all of his struggles. ...blah, blah, blah...

Anyway, welcome aboard. Please come back and let us know how things are going.

I understand how you feel Anahita. You don't have to be like nt's. I don't try too. I do try not to weird people out or avoid uncomfortable conversation styles. I want people all kinds of people to feel good that they know me because even though I can't change this about me it does not define me. I am a very worthwhile person to know. This is true for you also. You have forgotten that temporarily. There are many lonely people out there. It is a blessing that you have a sober view of this topic because you can be a great friend to someone who is having hard times. The people like those who you perceive to be living these perfect social lives and misunderstand you will meet hard times. You will find acceptance among people. Plant some seeds for new relationships to develop through your kindness to people. Just remember that it takes a little time before these things grow to where you see the fruit. I believe you can learn to be comfortable with this. Take some steps to change some of your behaviors and accept that it is good the way you are. Tell us some interests you have? What kind of husband would you like to meet? Do you have pets? You better answer these questions or I will be sad too.

Thank you for all your replies I tried a lot to adopt my self to society but it didn’t work well in conversation and eye contact I am so weak, and in a group or mass I am so passive, quiet and I don’t know how I can change myself. I found others here more happy with their AS but I am not. May be other aspie can adopt themselves to society condition or what else. I tried many ways but I am still in the first step and even with no progress. my interests are so limited too. swimming and reading books , I can’t enjoy my life,
husband! I just compare myself with others, otherwise I clearly know how marriage can raise my problems and no one want a sad different partner. I read some where that many of woman with AS stay single and never marry . I don’t have pets I scare of pets

You can’t believe that I have the degree of master science in water structure I didn’t find a suitable job, in our country finding a job is very difficult I need it’s money so I have to go there.

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I'm the younger version of you...

Currently,I'm dedicating my life to study(I started school when I was 3 that's why I didn't enjoy my childhood,and I guess I won't enjoy my teen life too)...This is the life I chose so probably no regrets at the end...Yes,I am an accident but I always think of that as a good thing..