Is it neurotypical to lie more to close friends?

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A strange thing came up during my diagnosis:

Lying was mentioned, and I said that I generally much preferred to be straight with everybody, especially those I was closest to, but might find it easier to lie to people I wasn't close to.

The diagnostician said that was the other way round to the usual state of affairs - i.e. that it was normal to be more honest to people you're not close to.

I was astonished, and still can't believe that it could be correct. What do you think? Do neurotypicals really reserve honesty for those who they don't know very well? I've always believed it normal to be as honest as possible with those I'm close to, so that trust can be built between me and my most valued friends. How could it possibly work otherwise?

It may sound strange, but he may be right to a certain extent. Since NTs greatly prefer not to disappoint or hurt the feelings of the people we're closest to/love the most, I guess we lie more often to them so as not to do this. It depends on what we lie about. We would not tell all sorts of lies to our loved ones, but lies that will save them from worries, sadness and hurt. (Eg.: "No, mom, I won't stay up late", "Yes, dad, of course I'm studying hard." "Yes, this dress becomes you, darling.") We do not to the same extent consider the feelings of people we're less close to. It's easier to be frank and outright about less personal things. That's my theory.

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When you put it like that, it seems more acceptable. Though as an Aspie I'd still find it practically impossible to do that......I'm sure I'm more capable of cranking out untrue platitudes and comforts to people who I don't really know or particularly like. When it's somebody close to me, I'd just feel like I'd let them down by feeding them a load of flannel. My wife's often complained that I don't compliment her for her choice of clothes, and I just suggest that she asks me what kind of clothes I like, and put something on that I'm likely to appreciate - but she's never done that. Though it would be good if she did - a compliment that isn't really meant might be nice to some people (personally I'd always be thinking "yes but I don't think they really meant it"), but to get a heartfelt compliment that really rang true, that must feel a lot better.

I've sometimes played down things that might oherwise be hurtful or frightening though. I suppose if the other person isn't particularly close, they're less likely to be worried or hurt by "brutal honesty."

Yes, it's making a bit more sense now.

Most people generally don't lie, it's only when they are pushed into a corner will serious lies come out. Unfortunately, when I've been in that corner I've told the truth and suffered because of it. Equally, I'm shocked sometimes by how much some people I know can utterly lie to people they love.

I guess if conversation remains largely on the surface of things, getting away and justifying lies is easy enough. But since I try and place conversation less on surface matters and get to the bottom of things, lying would be largely impossible, regardless of how repulsive it makes me feel.

If and when I lie, usually I make a value-judgement as to it's motive and effects, as counterbalanced by it being a negative act. I'm never just lying for the fun of it, there are reasons for it. When I do lie it's because i've thought it out and decided to (i don't feel guilt since i've weighed my options and have conviction in my decision).

Do you consider witholding information or only giving a portion of it lying?

No I wouldn't class that as lying in the strict sense of the word. Omitting information is a cloudy area, as the reasons for it are so diverse: one might deliberately and maliciously conceal information, or feel scared of raising a particular issue, or quite innocently forget, or one might simply not consider a particular fact to be of interest to the listener. Or an oversimplified explanation might be given, to avoid confusing the listener with too much complexity, and the speaker may or may not tell the listener that they're getting a simplified version of the truth.

The morality of it is often difficult to weigh up, because you have to ask questions like "do they have a right to know? Could they be harmed by not knowing?"

I guess the difference between all this and actual lying is that a liar is usually quite aware that they're feeding the listener incorrect information. It's easier to catch a liar, because all you have to do is to highlight the false information, whereas the "omitter" can often claim that it wasn't obvious that they ought to say this or that.