Spontinaeity

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Does anyone hate when random, unexpected "plans" pop up? For instance, last night, my mom told me that we were invited to a BBQ across the street for today. She didn't give me enough time to mentally prepare myself or anything like that. I usually need to be told either at least the morning of, or two nights before, that something is going to happen. Additionally, this messes up my routine a lot when I am expected to do something that is outside my comfort zone. Does anyone relate to this?

thoughen up

Omg yes!! ! I have a huge problem with spontaneity. I would be quite upset if the above had happened to me. I tend to kind of have an idea of how the day is going to go and if something drastically changes that unexpectedly I get really upset.

My ex husband and his friends used to go out for spontaneous drives in the car with no clear destination or idea of what they were going to do and I could not go with them. I would not enjoy myself at all because I'd need to know where we're going and what time we're going to be home and...
I can't just.. be spontaneous.

I definitely do - if I haven't had a chance to mentally prepare myself for going somewhere/doing something I can find it really difficult.

I have worked around this though, here are my strategies:

Go with a close friend
Ask who will be there/what will be happening/what you will need
Give yourself an out - if you need to leave because it's too difficult for you, allow yourself to leave. Think of an excuse to use if it will help you.
Make sure you have your next outfits planned: Casual and Dressy. That way if something comes up, you don't need to worry about what to wear. (Formal events are horrible for small talk - especially if the seating arrangements are pre-determined. I just plain avoid them. Anyway - If they expect you to attend at the last minute, I'd say your absence wouldn't concern them too much.)
Take what you need to feel prepared

@thedaywalker - C'mon, people have problems socially as it is without Aspergers. I reckon it'd be pretty damn easy developing a social phobia for someone on the spectrum. Spontaneity might be easy for you to deal with, but please consider that it can be really difficult for other people.

I have had that a lot. Whenever something doesn't go according to what I had planned, I kind of get an anxious feeling in my head, and sometimes it can upset me because I felt that we had planned to go somewhere else, and I didn't prepare for it.

^^ Yaye I believe I often do feel very scared when such events take place. ^^ I very much enjoy planning tasks that I am to complete in the very close future. ^^ Often my happy parents enjoy spontaneously visiting a restaurant and would enjoy for me to visit with them. ^^ This is very lovely of them however I believe I then feel very scared.
^^ Also, I must say thedaywalker, that I believe that Mutanatia was not stating that he was not tough, however that this may perhaps cause anxiety due to cursing a routine (I am very sorry if this is incorrect of me however). ^^ I believe often that anxiety is very difficult to control and that if the individual wishes not to take part in the spontaneous event, and would not be harming any individuals by doing so, then there is no reason why they should be forced to do so. I believe this is but my happy opinion however, I am very sorry if I have been horrible.

I thought that was one of the major symptoms of Autism. Getting upset over interrupted routines or sudden changes in what's expected to happen. I hate anything last-minute. If you can't give me at least 48 hrs notice, don't even bother asking, or you're going to witness a meltdown.

Spontaneity sucks.


I get nervous just thinking about it...

What I've become really good at is conditional planning: if this happens we'll do this, if that happens we'll do that. I'm a mad planner. It's when we've committed to a definite and single plan, and then it changes - as happens all the time in my family life - that my whole day gets ruined. I really can't over it for the rest of the day.

Yes. I can cope with change, but I need, as you say, time to prepare for it mentally. The larger the event, the more time I need. When I have completely freaked out over something, it's usually not so much what happened that bothered me so much as that it was sprung on me out of nowhere.

I don't like vagueness and uncertainty in general. It is no good telling me, "We might do this today," or, "We'll do this sometime today/in the next week." I need a definite yes or no, a definite time.

I actually enjoy doing things spontaneously ...for example, I get home from work, and rather than do the whole after work routine, I ask the guys if they wanna take an hour drive out of town to a beach (or something like that) ...these kind of things I enjoy very much, aqnd somehow, since it was my idea to begin with, I've already become very quickly mentally prepared.

Now, if my bf were to say "You're Dr. called today, so I made you an appointment for tomorrow at 3pm.... I'd be stressed the hell out until that appt was done and over with, simply because I didn't decide when, and now I'm obligated. Obligation is more of a killer for me than good old fashioned spontaneity. Transitioning from my little world, to the world of the typicals, is a very difficult transition for me to make... mostly because of the work and effort involved that others take so for granted.

It's hard for me to deal with other people's spontaneous plans. Usually, it's pretty easy for me to have advance notice, and for me to have options to cut things short if I get too uncomfortable. Sometimes you're a captive, and that's rough.

One time I was visiting my Dutch friends, in January, and it was bitterly cold. They took me on a drive to see something, but wouldn't tell me where we were going, because they wanted it to be a surprise. It was a long drive, and I had a melt-down, because I didn't know WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME! These are good friends who I totally trust, and they had taken me lots of places, and knew just what I would like.

It turns out they were taking me to a tropical botanical garden, which was amazing and magical, and we ended up having a lot of fun.

I think this is something I have gotten better at. I don't get real upset anymore or panic inside or act like it's the end of the world. My husband still thinks I get upset when he wants to do things at the spur of the moment and he always has to plan it ahead of time for me.