Family Reactions

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I have an appointment for diagnostic testing in a few weeks. I think a positive diagnosis would be comforting to my family. They are concerned with, among other things, my self-imposed isolation and assume I am depressed because I would rather be alone than spend time with people my age.

I would hope that a diagnoses would allow them to see my behavior, if not in a positive light, in a less negative light.

So, I am writing this to ask: How did your family react?

My mom knew something was different about me and we finally figured out what. Though overall, I think my family is overall indifferent to it. They still treat me the same as they always had. They do make certain accomodations for me when needed, especially after diagnosis. No matter what diagnosis you get, they should still accept it as part of who you are and love you just the same. Good luck. -Power Girl

I am perfectly content to be an aspie, it was actually comforting to me to learn of AS. I had become depressed trying to live up to the type of personality everyone expected me to have. Once I learned of AS, and realized there wasn't something wrong with me. It is very freeing to me.

Don't expect too much.
Everyone has limitations.

At first mom cried, then she went for counciling. I dunno how dad reacted, he's kinda hard to read and works a lot so he may be home, but he's not always around.

My sister rejected me compleatly and told me I could never be a normal teenager. I think that rejection hurt worse then any other type of verbal abuse or harassment I have ever lived through.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will always hurt me.


We didn't tell grandma...or most of the other relitives. It was just less complicated that way.

My family are all happy to know that i finally have a diagnosis that explains all of the major struggles i've been having throughout my life. My family basically have the reaction of "ohhh, so THAT'S what it is!" because they knew that i was always unusual. It seems that all of my friends from work who don't know me very well, on the other hand, say "oh, i don't see how you could have that, you seem fine to me. the only reason you don't have more friends is that you don't get out enough." Even though they'll admit that i'm quiet, obsessive, don't make much eye contact, don't smile much, and all of that.
My parents probably didn't react negatively because i'm an adult and the diagnosis only describes things that they've already learned to accept about me. When i was a pre-teen and my therapist mentioned that i might have AS, my mom was in shock and crying... but back then i never got diagnosed with it and everyone ended up focusing on my anxiety. Now, she's been relieved to have a solid answer.

The only person I've ever told was my mum and she said "of course you don't have Asperger's". I just said OK. We've never talked about it again. I don't think it's because she doesn't believe me or because she's nasty, she just finds it hard to deal with.

My parents didn't tell me. My Mum was always brilliant when I was growing up, my Dad always wanted me to try to be more "normal." Sadly my Mum has died, so I can't ask her about this, but my father finally told me I was diagnosed as a kid. He's still in some form of denial. My brother knows, but doesn't seem to think it matters.

Nobody else (besides my son and my doctor) knows.

My mother reacted similarly to mgran's father. She knew for a long time, didn't tell me, doesn't understand, etc.

I don't have a diagnosis, and I'm not sure whether I will get one. I did send my sister the symptom list and asked did it sound familiar and she replied "it's --- all over". I replied that it was me too, and she didn't say anything to that, but she has only been warm and kind since then.

I didn't mention it to anyone else but my husband, and he seemed not to want to talk about it with me. I don't know if he talked to his family about it but when I was there I came into the room and they were all talking about autism and autistic people they knew. They also seemed to be being extra kind but they are nice people so I may be imagining it. But I think that is a possible reaction, that someone close to you might find it hard and take a while to come to terms with it, may need to discuss with others etc.

It was way too long ago for me to have understood... not sure how they reacted.

Positive and supportive. But my brother is schizophrenic so they've had ten years experience on such matters.

I was horrified, because I was young and though disorder was the same as disease. Then I was corrected and tried to be normal. Then I gave up being 'normal' and am now known as the apartment block's favourite crazy person (next to the cat lady two stories down).

My mother was relieved, but worried with how to deal with a new diagnosis. She doesn't care anymore (best reaction by far).

My brother doesn't understand, but gives me more of his patience with me so I can be a goof ball to my heart's content.

The rest of my family is: "Yeah right. Asperger's is just an excuse to be rude." "You don't have Asperger's, you're just... special." "Stop complaining about your problems, they aren't that big of a deal."

My mom was completely pissed and denied it all. I didn't find out I had a diagnosis until 5 years later, and she still denies it whenever the topic is brought up.

Whenever anyone mentions the word, "Autism", she gets tense and quiet.

Whenever I displayed any Autistic traits, she would become enraged and punish me, and I never knew why.

In my mind, I was a very well-behaved child. I was quiet, I kept to myself and didn't bother anyone, and I was very smart and loved to read, and loved to learn. I didn't contantly bring friends to the house to eat all our food and make noise. I didn't talk much on the phone, so I never ran up the phone bill or cause her to miss important calls. I wore comfortable, modest clothing that didn't expose my midriff, buttcrack, or boobies. I did not mouth off to her, or curse, or lie. "What a wonderful daughter I must be!", I thought.

Turns out, she just wanted a normal teenager who talked constantly on the phone, had friends over all the time, watched more movies and read less books, and wore revealing outfits to gain more male attention.

She always favored my normal brother, despite the fact that he always threw temper tantrums, trashed the house, was a pottymouth, hogged the phone, stole money out of her purse, hogged all the food, played videogames all the time, and lied all the time.

Mom favored him because he was more "normal" than I was.

Wow, your Mum sounds horrible. I'm sorry.

My Dad would, on occasion, loose his temper and yell at me to "be more normal", but generally speaking I know he's pleased with the way I turned out. He's very intelligent and erudite, and was always glad that his little daughter would sit up on his knee and ask him about literature, or classical history, or philosophy. By the time I was twelve he'd accepted those "good" things about me, and could tolerate the things that threw him off balance.

He's still occasionally thrown off balance, but he's come to terms with it.

Mind you, I think I may have the record in terms of delayed revelation of a diagnoses... I had to wait over thirty years before I found out I was on the spectrum.

I don't speak about it so I don't know what their reaction is to it. I assume only my mom and dad and maybe few more relatives they talked to about it know. My brothers just think I'm crazy. You get the "why can't you just be normal" stuff every once and a while. My mom is supportive but I think she's pretty overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do. I've never talked to my dad about it.