Ever Meet With Someone, Think It Went Well and then later...

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Often when I meet with someone and think it went pretty well, I'll go home and recall snippets of conversation and wonder if I said something wrong and did I say something that offended the other person and was too dense to pick up on it.

At times, I'll be in a good mood when I leave the meeting but as days go by I'll be wondering if it really was a good meeting or not. I wish I didn't beat myself up when I don't know if I deserve it or not.

I do this all the time. Even when visiting with my own family. Maybe I think I can prevent myself from making gaffes the next time, if I over focus on what went on. It never works, though. One trick I have been trying, is to honestly ask myself why I have to be perfect, while everyone else doesn't?

I found out after being suspended from College the Psychology teacher didn't know how to answer my questions so she was avioiding me and to this day I'm trying to process what went wrong. (It'll be 5 years Feb.)

Wow, I can identify with that. All the wondering and it just gets worse as I pile up more mistakes and more interactions where I just make myself miserable with wondering. There could be no problem but how can I ever know?

Absolutely. QFT

In response to the original topic: It could be that, but it also can be the other way around. You meet someone, you think the encounter went very badly, but then later you find out that there was nothing to worry about at all.

That's another problem. There may be no problem at all but I'm too timid to find out. Besides often when you do something that bothers someone else, they won't come out and say it. They hope, instead, you'll get the hint.

I've been told I made someone uncomfortable and stuff and that he or she doesn't like to talk about it and I would say "Then why didn't she say so than just ignoring me?" Jeez people are really cowards. f**k the "Oh no I might hurt her feelings." I wish everyone quit that crap and just be honest and quit expecting people to read their minds.

Yes.

Exactly! They hope you get the hint and I DIDN'T but what confuses me is Sept-Dec. 04 (questions IMO from what I SAW seemed fine) but within the time of Jan/feb she was avoiding me!! !! (Sept-Dec she was pregnant but apparently that couldn't of been an issue. how they were ok Sept-Dec and yet Jan/Feb avoiding me I have NO IDEA!

That happened to me. My best friend's ex-girlfriend, who was also my friend, once ignored me for four days cos I made her uncomfortable, and she didn't even tell me that I did anything wrong. How the hell am I supposed to know what I've done wrong if nobody ever tells me?!

She also had a go at me for missing hidden meanings in what she said, and then said that it was obvious and that I'm pretending not to understand (why would I do that?). Then she said to "stop playing the socially-retarded card".

And you know the REALLY weird thing? She has AS too!

Yes. Many times after what I initially had thought was a good visit, I often find myself replaying the conversation over again in my mind, trying to detect any poor choice of words on my part. And if I detect any, whether real or imagined, I sometimes end up kicking myself for days with self-criticism and with thoughts of what I should have said instead.

I'm seeing replies from people a lot younger than we are. You and I have all this history and now have more data to mull over about interactions. The more we experience the hard it gets in some ways.

Yup, totally. After many years of therapy, I stopped obsessing so much.. but it turned out that then instead of over-analyzing, I was under-analyzing.. so instead of realizing later that day that I'd screwed up the interaction, I didn't realize until months later.. after everything had totally fallen apart.

Totally my experience too. Replaying the encounter in your head, analysing what you said wrong, etc. It makes you wonder, though, how you're able to do it, if, experts reckon, we're unable to read the signs, facial expressions, etc, how can we know there was a problem? Yes, we can sense it, or if it's something obvious like being ignored or given the cold shoulder.

My wife wonders why I'm so quiet and withdrawn when we're out with her friends. I just say something vague about being tired or not really all that out-going, but really it's to avoid the inevitable social faux pas that would happen if I started talking. Occasionally I'll attempt to be gregarious, but end up sounding like a real sad-case, holding forth about myself. That's why I try and cultivate a 'cool and quiet' persona.

Omigod, I used to do this all the time. And what's kinda funny in a disturbing way is you almost always find at least something, y'know?

Sounds like my average job interview.