My 13 1/2 year old cat had to be put to sleep - cancer : (

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My 13 1/2 year old cat was diagnosed with cancer and had to be put to sleep
last week : ( I feel so sad and miss him horribly.. I feel guilty for not getting him
to the vet sooner too..He was my best friend and had traveled with me extensively... We lived
in 7 residences in 3 states and I am genuinely in serious mourning over the loss of
this little friend with a big soul : (

I have decided to have him cremated instead of burying his little body, because
I don't know how long I will be here and just rent and will be moving soon..
I'm getting an urn for him...

This place is sooooo quiet and empty feeling... with just me here after all this
time... I miss him so so much. For all my difficulties in having connections
with people, I have connected so deeply to animals.. This will be the last pet
I have for a long time though I think --- it's too sad to loose them.. I felt so
guilty for putting him out, thinking I could have waited a bit.. just to say goodbye.
The people at the vet clinic told me I should put him to sleep within 24 hours if not
right away because he was in serious pain and limping from a malignant tumor...

I wish I had taken him home for just one more night and feel guilty in general, especially
because he had already suffered longer than I knew. I thought he had a leg
injury, but instead it ended up being cancer that had been slowly eating away at him
for a few months, apparently.... I just thought he was slowing down due to age.
A friend said to wait before taking him into the vet just in case his limping was due
to a "pulled muscle" and maybe it would go away, because I couldn't find a single spot
that seemed like an injury on it.. It ended up being an aggressive malignant tumor on the elbow.


LF

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. We have our little guy, who passed away about 10 months ago, in a cedar box on the piano as we don't know how long we'll be living here. He was cremated with his favorite blankie, his collar, and a can of his favorite cat food.

You did what you thought was best for your friend. He wouldn't have expected anything else from you. He knew you loved him.

The pain will dull with time, but will never leave. I had to have a cat put down 35 years ago. I still, occasionally, shed a tear for him. But I also remember all the happy times we had. My most recent friend died on his own terms as a very old cat. I was not there when he lost consciousness, but was there when he finally left this world. I hope we can find each other in whatever world comes next for us. I still wake up each morning expecting to see his face on my pillow, and he is not there.

Do not be afraid to grieve. If you do not, you will not heal.

I am so sorry for your loss too. I have had several cats die over the years. It is so painful. Cats can see into your soul. I had to have the vet put down two cats that I loved so deeply. I put off doing it for so long too--because I just couldnt say good-bye.

Nickie was just very old, close to 19, and she could barely see or stand up. She stopped eating.. The other one, Tikki, had kidney failure. But the night after Nickie died I woke up with chest pains. I thought I was having a heart attack, I felt so guilty for doing it, I felt as if I had murdered her. That was 5 years ago and I still feel like a murderer.

I loved them so much and often feel that no human has ever cared about me as much as they did. Cats are just as important as people. Their spirits are real. P.S. I hope you get another cat soon, though. I have 4. There are lots of shelter cats in the world who need you now.

Our former boss is pushing up daisies in the back yard - she wasn't very big.

Her former brother, the dog, though - we had him cremated. No way was I digging a hole that size.

I am sorry. Brings me almost to tears. I lost my dear yellow cat when i was in hospital almost two years ago. He was a very special cat too. He was friendly and different from others. I really don't know why he ran away while i was in hospital.
I remember that when i came home from school he usually ran to me and when i crouched and showed him to come on my lap, he did ..

Sorry for your loss. I can understand what you're thinking, since I have a very old cat with chronic renal failure. I see him deteriorating, limping, and eating very little, so I wonder if he'll die at my home, or if I'll decide to have him euthanized. Neither will be easy.

Thank you all for your kind words.

Nan, I appreciate what you wrote, it made me cry and yet feel a bit better at the same time.

Pekkla, I kind of feel like a murderer too -- although, I don't think he would have made it past another day or two without dying on his own... He may have died alone or in pain.. You did what you thought as best and if I knew I was going to die of some disease, I guess I wouldn't want to suffer too long either.. we love our pets dearly.. I think they must know that from above where they are.

Skonamis, I"m sorry for your loss also.

Aoi, that's what was starting to happen to my cat.. deteriorating a little at a time -- I just thought he was getting older, but I think it was the cancer slowly spreading..

Felinity, I'm sorry for your loss. I know this pain well and it's never easy. In fact I lost one of my beloved childhood cat's in the same way, she was more of a sister to me than a cat I'm still not over it. I wished I had ended her suffering sooner too, the kinder thing to do. The vet gives you false hope in that they will get better, but I think the loss for them is hard too they don't know when to stop trying to help either.

I suggest you make a catster.com page for him also. It will be a nice memorial and others can befriend your page who share in your grief.

Felinity, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I understand what you mean about not wanting to become attached to a pet to avoid the pain...

We went through this a number of years ago; we, too, let the cat suffer longer than necessary, but its hard to take that into your own hands, to say "its time." The last day I finally knew it really was time, that we'd pushed it as long as we could have ... I don't know how you do anything else. It was a very rough time - before, during, after. Give yourself time to go through the stages of grief, and to feel what you need to feel. I am very sorry for your loss.

Felinity, I am so sorry about your kitty I have been there and know how hard it is. I lost one of my beloved dogs in almost the exact same way as you lost your kitty - the sudden discovery of aggressive malignant tumors we had no idea were there. The vet tried to operate but it was a hopeless situation.

We had him cremated, intending to bury his ashes on our property. My husband brought the box of ashes home and put it in the garage. That was two years ago and I still can't bring myself to even look at that box, much less take it out and bury it.

My critters are my family and, like you, I am so connected to animals in a way I can't be with people. The only thing that helped me deal with the loss of my dog was my other dog - I can't even describe what a deep comfort she was and still is. Her healing presence was/is so powerful. I hope you can find your way to adopting another kitty.

I, too, would like to express my condolences. I am no stranger to this feeling. Last year, our oldest cat died. He was 17 years old, and had a problem with his digestive tract. He had been with us ever since he was a kitten, so I had known him for nearly all my life. From 2007 to 2008 he had been under my care as my mother had moved elsewhere. He was my only fellow resident. When he was still around, I thought of myself as something of a social recluse and a loner. I didn't know the meaning of either word until he died.

Remembrance topic

I have a small shrine for my departed pets, and pictures of them as well. I am sorry. I know what you went through, and as Nan wrote, grieving is healing.

Hi Felinity,
I am also truly sorry for the great loss of your dear cat
I know very well how it feels. My childhood cat also went that age and ended up with cancer. I was a bit more prepared than you was as it was a longer process towards the end. But still that didnt take away the pain and the empty feeling....

I remember how painful it was to feel so clear the loss in my everyday life. No cat who slept with me, no cat who came and met me when I came home. No cat to stroke and give love and food. I lost my best friend in my cat, it was devastating really....

BUT.... Even if the death of a beloved cat is difficult, I didnt regret I got myself my own cat in adult age. Your thread make me think of the day its her turn to go and that can scare me. But I dont think of it now, because my cat gives me so much by only her excistence and THAT is what counts! So I feel its worth going through the death of a cat again. Because your cat is part of your family and its natural to die for all of us...

Please dont be too hard on yourself thinking of all the suffer and what you could have done diffrent. You already got many wise and kind replies. Take it too you and let the grief have its time.

Take care of yourself

It's so hard to lose your friend

Go with pekkla, there are lots and lots of lost and lonely shelter cats who need someone with a heart to love them.

Something really soul-satisfying to do might be to find a "special needs" cat who truly needs someone with a gentle and merciful heart to bring him or her in from all the rejection - something aspies can certainly relate to.

There is a Yahoo Group for people with handicapped cats, might be worth checking it out and asking questions there http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/HANDICATS2/

I'm SO sorry for your loss. I've lost two dogs over the years, one just recently in June. I had them both cremated. Fritz's death (he passed in June) hit me the hardest, since I was so attached to him and rescued him from death row and in a way it sort of felt like I was putting him back on it, since he had to be put to sleep.

This poem was given to us after we lost our first dog, Elmo in '02. I hope its of some help.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

When your ready, keep in mind that shelter pets make the best pets!! ! Fritz came from one and though he was a senior doxie, he had the happiest 5 years with me.

P.S. Petfinder.com is a great site for searching for pets, I found Fritz on there!