A few intense friendships- an Aspergian trait?

Post Reply New Topic

When I was growing up, and before I was diagnosed with AS, I wasn't exactly a shut-in, but still had friends than most other people my age that I knew. One thing I did notice over the years was that the friendships I did have were extremely close, and that many of the friends I made were either born overseas or their parents were; I had friends growing up from India, Yugoslavia (his parents came over before the break-up), Russia, South Korea, and the French-speaking part of Switzerland. Did anyone else with Asperger's have a similar experience growing up, or is this an unrelated phenomenon?

P.S.Now that I think about it, being foreign-born or first-generation U.S. born, they may have been more tolerant or even oblivious of my eccentric behavior than those who had been here longer.

just came back from my trip to my homecountry and can confirm people are more tolerant over there. my son has undiagnozed AS and while here he would get strange looks even in his own daycare there people were totally ok even that he prefered to stay silent or just spin something all the time.
that is what i remember from growing up there, i was just strange but none poked its finger at it, it was considered being just wierd. here i see lots of analyzing, diagnosing (in US), lots of separation by wealth/education level. I think that may be the reason. I am not sure about India but in Yugoslavia and Russia due to socialism, people were living together, MDs next to garbage truck workers and that kind of society people were more tolerant to different behaviours.

I think it varies from person to person. I don't think i have any real intense or deep friendships at all outside of my family. I just have a few friends that i talk to at work or might do something with once every few months. Otherwise, i mostly hang out with my parents. Oh, and i usually go out to eat with my grandmother and spend an evening with her every week or every other week, depending on what's going on. I wish i had a friend or two that i was really close to, though.

I've three stances towards people normally, complete hatred and loathing, utter indifference or substantial enthusiasm. I like to get to know people, consequently I'll either find them detestable, someone I really like or utter indifference until I get to know them. By contrast, most people like surface level conversation, so actually knowing someone is less important to enjoying a social occasion. It's probably an AS thing, although I accept it's impractical, and the hatred is arrogant and intolerant.

I don't think it's only an AS thing. I'm NT, and I can totally relate to what you're saying.

I don't know what it is, but I've found it easy to 'click' with people from other countries in a way that I've never been able to with my American peers.

Maybe it's that I expect certain behaviors from those around me, so my guard is up and I tend to feel more uncomfortable and on the defensive? And I find in other countries, especially poor countries, people have a humility that I'm really drawn to and that makes it almost effortless to open up and feel accepted.

Just wondering how the replies here square with the AS feature of having difficulties with friendships.

I have basically one friend, she is my office spouse as well. And she and my wife have become friends. So here I am, with two wonderful / great women dominating my whole social and working life. One should not always have all eggs in one basket (no pun intended), but as our triangular friendship deepen over time, I feel comfy.

Returning to the thread theme, I have to admit that all my friendship energy goes to a few friends only. Sometimes a friend vanishes, but thank God, there is always someone out there to replace the slot.

Growing up, at any given time I had only one friend or I didn't have friends. I suppose you could say those were intense friendships, but they often felt one-sided. It wasn't until my third year in high school when I started hanging out with groups of people and really learning social skills.

In college, I had both groups of friends and one very intense friendship with a female friend (it was always nothing more than a friendship). Her and I still talk from time to time, but we've gone different ways in life, and I have a tendency to forget about people who aren't in my life anymore.

Yep, once they are gone, their gone.