what have peopel done to overcome/cope/deal with aspergers..

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im desperatly searching for ways to help me cope and make a real life for myself.....im 28 years old and have just been diagnosed....last 10yrs of my life have been hell socially and career wise.......last 2/3 years ive delved into the world of the internet....i enjoy and i feel save and have made many connections

yet i know i need more in my life.....i want to be part of society....i want to fit in

but how and what to do

how do i get people to understand me better with out seeming like a pity party

also my mind is always a race with thoughts and ideas.....most the time there not comprensable to me or i cant put them into action

then ill go thru high spurts of productivity and i try to cram in as much as i can cuz i know it wont last

so any tips....ideas things others have done to manage this illness......i do take antidepressants they help with the daily copin and not beign so sensitive to others.....also i have audio processing barriers......which mean i learn at a very slow rate and need simple procedures to follow

i thank you all for takin the time to give me some feedback pls

sarah

The best thing I can say is you have to remain positive even optimistic. You call it an illness and that needs to change in your head. That'll help you with accepting it and will be your first step in what you are looking for.
Are you superficial with people? It is ok to be that way and I know it doesn't feel "right." To fit in with NTs thats something you have to do, and its my greatest hurdle. Do you have anyways of socializing? Do you work with people who you like? Are you part of any groups? Do you belong to a gym or something similar? If so find a few people who you like or think you would. Say a couple words to them when you see them. Ask them how they are. **Try not to say anything about yourself unless asked. Over time things will change, and it will take time. It might take years but it needs your constant effort.
Keep a journal and record how many times you interact with people daily, even trivial things. Write down what you thought and how things went. Spend an hour a week going over it and it would help having a counselor look it over too. I assume you have one since you are on antidepressants. You might also want to work with them on social stories. Or if you have a very understanding, helpful, patient friend they can help you with social stories.

HI sara

It sounds like you just need a social life, then all the little problems like speeding thoughts will vanish.

The problems you mentioned happen to me when I am not socializing with people enough. Then, when I do, I feel good and all my worries go away. Socializing is life.

But granted, it's difficult to jump in somewhere and become a part of society. It's even painful sometimes for me when I am socializing too much, in situations that I cannot control (Like work). My social-capacity fills up much quicker than NT's.

You're human and need people just like everyone else.

If you have free time, maybe start with some volunteering? It feels good to give back to your community, and maybe you can make some aquaintances or friends. Or if you're bored try taking a class that interests you.

Ah-- Asparagus, who wrote the above comment, had some GREAT suggestions! I'll have to reread it and see if I could use some of that.

Life is not so hard when you find out that people are human and have problems too. I just recently, in a breakthrough-moment, came to the realization that I'm not the only one who suffers in the world. In fact, there are others who even suffer much more than I do. It's easy to fall into the pit of self-pity, but before happiness comes a change of attitude. It's all about a positive attitude. Good luck!

You don't need to fit in to work with society fulfillingly. In movies and TV and stories people seem to effortlessly interact with each other and social organizations. It is very appealing, very comforting. But it is largely just a fantasy. Even if you were NT the social world is bumpy and confusing. It is just that NT's consider a matter of course, or are unaware of the akwardness.

I personally as an aspie supremist believe that it isnt that we aspies are social inept, it is that social interaction is in its nature akward in reality and that NT's are just oblivious to this or are not bothered long by the pain incured by it.

You are an aspie, but you are still human, and you are a social creature. And you should think about what you need to do to fulfill your desires in this social world. You can figure out how to fulfill those desires methodically. You can figure this out by thinking about it. Perhaps it is inconvenient that you need to think this out to get it done, but you may benefit by being interested in the whole process, by being aware of it, and enjoying that every action you make is useful and effective. And be in wonder by how the world reacts to it.

I'm sure you could figure out how to be social in the ways which you are having difficulty in by yourself. But incase it helps, post your big problems here and we'll give our suggestions as to how we might solve them. Also in the cases where you know the solution but you are amazed as pissed that NT's do it so easily, yet it is so annoying, post them too, and we'll all go, "Yeah... yeah i know. I hate that too."

thanks allfor your posts......i do get out a few times a week to volunteer .....but theres not a whole lot of interactions........and the job is quite slow and boring plan to speak them bout that

as for socializing im in a small town where i grew up .....im not into bars or clubs dont have kids

my most interactions are with my family

i do have one friend that i spend some time with but he lives a few hours away and we dont see each other as much as wed like

i guess of isolatd and withdrawn so much in the past few years even before my diagnosis......i was jus so fed up and frustrated at tryin to make a go in the real world

i always give too much and people misunderstand my means

also i do not have a prsonal counellor who helps with my aspergers.....i have other sources that might be able to help me with that

also any good books on steps to take would be appreciated

You really should think about how much socializing really means to your happiness. If people have said you are anti-social, or if you have gotten the implication that you should be more social from your friends, other people, TV and movies, you should know that there is no ideal status of socialization that you can get to. Just do whatever you want to make you happy.

If this means staying at home and reading about biology all day, then woot, that is easy, go for it. But if you really want to socialize, then you can take up social activies including clubs, volunteering, support groups, church, ect.

If you want friends to relate to, to tell them what you really think, to cry to when you're sad, to rant to when you are angry, then you will need to select people in your life which seem approachable, and then get to know them. If they take measures to get to know you, you are succeding in making a friend. The whole making real friends operation is lengthy and complicated.

You can make online friends too but a lot of people think these relationships lack something.

Pepsiprincess,
You sound like you are typing out of my head. I got a book Im reading "soultions for adults with aspergers" that is somewhat helpful. and im attempting the shrink thing again.

I did like everyone said and sought a new hobby, and now alas, like many things I get into I am now told I need a hobby away from my hobby.

Hi Sarah! Glad to see someone else on here from B.C.

Getting a social life isn't always easy. There's a tendency to try and use brute force, such as going to the library or mall just to be around lots of people. Sure, you might say "excuse me" a few times but that's not really socializing.

For me it always seems to boil down to hobbies and special interests. I noticed a lot of motorcyclists like to hang out at a Tim Horton's (coffee shop) near my house so in the summer I rode up on my motorcycle and parked at the edge of the group. It didn't take long for people to wander over to see who I was and what I was riding. They're literally "fair weather friends", but it's better than nothing. I also joined a Linux user's group to hang out with other geeks and ended up making friends with one of them. I met several people at a social/support group and see them several times a year.

I got that book as well. It never ceases to amaze me when I read the case studies and see my own life experiences captured in such detail. I did the shrink for a while but it was mostly a matter of getting a diagnosis and then getting over the diagnosis. At my age there's not much I need in the way of instruction on how to behave in public, etc.

For me, the best way to deal with a Dx of Asperger's is to accept it and then try not to think about it too much (which is admittedly very difficult, even 8 months after the official Dx). I spent more than 35 years fighting to fit into society like a square peg into a round hole. Now I'm spending my time looking for square holes....

Sometimes I have trouble learning, but I usually call it a learning "tide" (according to Dr. Tony Attwood). Some ways I deal with this is to try extremely hard and pay attention, as well as eating breakfast in the morning to get me off to a good start. I find that at times this tide could be controlled. This "tide" usually goes out when there is a huge amount of talking and other noises when I'm trying to think of a solution to a problem, for an example. I'm not sure if this "tide" that I'm talking about is the same as the audio processing barrier, but to me at this point in time sounds pretty close. For social interaction, I overcome this by finding a group that I like to hang out with; for me it's definitely band and the crosscountry running team. It's hard to find a group at first because us aspies find it difficult to be extroverted fast and without thought; it's almost like a second language (in some aspect) social interaction. But, I took some interests of mine, and joined a couple of groups, and here I am: in band, with a few people to talk to and keep my sanity, and a couple kids I like running with. I'd say it mainly taken a little courage and will power. If I wouldn't have had the courage or the will power, I wouldn't be as social as I am now. I also say it was God who helpled me make friends, but I'm not trying to push you into Christiantity or anything; just telling you how I overcome or deal with Asperger's on a day-to-day basis. My mind is also always in a race; it seems it cannot stop once it gets ignited with a thought. I wish sometimes that I could stop thinking this much so that I could pay attention, and so that I wouldn't have to ask again for some instructions about things. This is one obstacle that I'm still trying to overcome, but I know that it won't ever be overcome completely. I don't think that any of these obstacles could ever be overcome completely, because they are a part of us, and they are a part of Asperger's (which is a part of us). It's hard, but we all must press on and keep going, not giving up, but being headstrong and living, knowing that you'll find friends. I think that pretty much everyone could find a friend, or a group, that they'll be accepted with.

You don't OVERCOME it. It's who you are!
You DEAL with it just like anything else unchangeable in life - relax and accept it. You wouldn't be YOU if you were different.
COPING with it - ahhhh, now that's a different thing. You read, watch, and learn how other people do things, and then when you have to be "out there" in the phony NT world, you act like them. Then you come home to "real life" - YOUR life - and relax and be glad you can be yourself and not have to live like that 24/7.