Looking back
Looking back, are there any incidents from earlier in your lives that make much more sense now? I have a few, and they all stand out quite prominently in my memory.
-when I was about 4 or 5, one of my favorite activities was laying out my picture books-the ones with hard, glossy covers-on the floor and tapping my blocks on them, b/c I loved the sound that it made. I'd do this for hours.
-I did not learn to tie my shoes the "correct" way until I was 14
-When I was in the 1st grade, this police officer came in and talked to our class for career day. My teacher told me to show her to the next room but she never told me what to do afterward, so I stayed in the next room till she came and got me.
-I was walking home from school in the 1st grade with my friend, and my dad came along and asked me if I needed a ride. After I said no and he left, a crossing guard came up to me and asked me if I knew him. I wasn't looking at her face, I was looking at her arm, which looked like it was pointed to some man I didn't know, so I told her no. My parents were pretty surprised when the cops came to our house afterward. They thought it was funny but couldn't understand why I'd said no.
-when I was in 3rd grade and my brother was in sixth, I'd read his science book. I memorized this part on the life span of a star and shared it with my friends at recess. I also had a reputation on the playground for knowing state capitols.
-in the 9th grade, I was daydreaming so hard I walked smack into a doorframe. In the 11th grade I walked into a tree, and while playing dodgeball in gym class I'd sometimes just stare at the ball until it smacked me.
-and of course, the stuff that happened to me when I was 12-14 (long story). I'm much more at peace with it now b/c I now understand why it happened.
Where do I start.... AS could explain a lot of things for me.
When I was about 3 and my parents had me at a mall, another kid my age came up to me and I ran away from him.
When other kids would try to play with me, I would often walk away or throw a tantrum
It explains my echolalia, and why when I was little I was always repeating what I heard on TV, including at one point, the entire dialog from a movie
It explains why I use to bash my head into a wall when I would throw a tantrum
It explains a tantrum I threw in May 1984. I was in daycare and we were going on a field trip. They took us in two shifts half the kids went on a tuesday, the other half went on thursday. I always went on tuesdays, but this day I found out I was going on thursday. I went into a full blown rage and crawled under a table and refused to come out
It explains why I use to read through encyclopedias and road atlases
It explains why I could read at the age of 3
It explains why people at work use to call me "a repository of useless information"
It explains why I use to tip my bike upsidedown and spin the wheels at fast as I could
It explains the rituals I had as a little kid and why I always had to have things my way
It explains why I use to line up matchbox cars I had as a kid into rows
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I live my life to prove wrong those who said I couldn't make it in life...
Yes! I was a kid who was freaky IF you didn't know what AS was (And I wasn't dx'ed until 14)
-I prefered to line up dolls and have them in their correct original outfits
-I enjoyed doing puzzles, but upside down
-I hated parties and social gatherings
-I much prefered the dictionaries and encyclopedias to normal children's books
-My room wasn't 'clean', just organized in a weird way that stayed the same
-I hated jet planes, planes, thunder, loud TVs, loud radios, dogs barking, squeling (still do), and yelling
-I never liked (Still don't really) vacations, I prefered staying home.
-At the playground, I was a 'antisocial' child because I sat there and read a book
_________________
Shadow Of Somebody
~~~~~~~~~~
Autism is a sanctuary and a prison- Donna Williams
Let's see: As a kid, one day, sitting in the car as my mom was going through a bank's drivethrough, I asked why my skin seemed to itch all the time; I realized that itchiness was not a normal condition and that there was probably a reason for it. Now I know it's oversensitivity, a sign of Asperger's syndrome.
It also explains why I didn't like to wear the uniform shirts made out of fairly rough material, and so, in elementary school, I often looked like a slob because I didn't keep my rough, sweaty shirt tucked in (most other people had slightly more expensive white collared uniform shirts made out of a finer material).
It explains my childhood fascination with insects and other such small creatures.
It explains why, in 6th-8th grade, I tried to interpret things more literally so that I could think more like a computer (and thus have an easier time programming), actually thinking more autistically!
It explains why people talked behind my back about how it was so odd of me to abruptly leave a conversation or join in on a conversation by just making a comment instead of going through the required language pragmatics that NTs use intuitively.
It explains why I was somewhat overly trusting as a child and was among the last to stop believing in Santa Claus; I argued with someone about how he must be real because my parents said so in daycare when I was 7 or so.
It explains why, in high school, I had trouble fitting in with anyone, even the computer geeks and math/physics nerds!
Well, y'all about covered everything...
I used to spend more time with my bike upside down spinning the tire than riding it.
I prefered Legos to other people.
I tried to think as much as I could like Mr. Spock.
I was the only girl I knew who had a complete set of Hot Wheels cars and all that plastic track.
Books were infinitely more fun than recess.
I could go on all night....
sounds about right.
looking back on 41 years (didn't realise i have AS until this summer) - so many things now make sense.
best memory related to this - photo of me at about 1 year, sitting on a potty, reading a book (and yes, i was actually reading it, according to my mother). not a gary larsen book - that particular lavatorial reading material came later.....
V
-Why I hated my mother brushing and doing up my hair
-Why I threw tantrums every time my parents tried to dress me in something other than a t-shirt and stretch-pants
-Why I was treated like the "little sister" or "baby" of the class in younger grades
-Why I once went up to a girl and told her that a boy in our class liked her because he was being mean to her (someone told me that's what boys do, so I took it literally, the girl got really angry at me).
-Possibly why I cried every day in class for the first half of first grade
-Why I would not ride the bus for most of first grade, but then suddenly decided that I "wanted to do it"
-Why I had such poor hygeine habits when going through puberty (I didn't want to adjust my habits, even though my body was changing)
-Why I always laughed when someone teased or threatened me (I knew it was not a good idea from their reactions, but I couldn't control it)
-Why, when not with a "best friend," I spent my recesses playing with bugs
-Why, when I was in the mall with my mother once, I picked up a t-shirt off of a t-shirt vendor's stand and carried it half way across the mall to show my mom, only to be baffled when she freaked out and thought I would be taken to jail for theft (this was in Jr. High)
-Why I preferred reading, TV, and going on the internet to interacting with my peers
When i was around 20, i once explained how to do the rubik's cube, citing all formula from beggining to the end, even if they were bored to death,
When everybody is talking about something no to do, i would do it thinking that they would be impressed by my courage, like when they saw a quarter in the toilet but they would not get it....
It explain why while playing "Risk", i would align all my armies into peloton, and company (I was 20 then)
It explain why i would know if someone had touched my things in my room, even if they were moved only by an inch,
It explain why i would beleive and remember anything my mum said to me, words by words
It explain, the upside down bicycle, the reading of the phone book, the reading of instruction manual,
It explain why all the fixation i had,
It explain why at school i woudln't caught the explanation if the teacher forgot to tell me (I mean ME, not the whole group) that i had to listen
It explain why i never caught "the right thing" when poeple are talking
It explain why i had to "re-unite" all the grease spot on the soup into one big spot, before eating it,
It explain my anxiety when i have to go to a store i never went before (still today)
It explain why, when i'm in a new restaurant, i would not know how to order, how to pay....
It explain why i once "talk in the back" of A while talking to B, even if A was with us,
When i write a document (or do any kind of work), it has to be perfect (i mean PERFECTLY PERFECT!)
When doing the dishes, it takes more time to align everything then to actually wash them,
When i was explained about sex (at 8 ), i wanted to talk (and do) about it with everyone at anytime
Once i interrupted the class to tell Manon i loved her (in 4th grade).
it explain all my stims,
I keep the boxes and everything that was inside, even the plastic, the styro-foam etc...
I never played with my Smurfs, just place them in line on my desk, endlessly
In the month of may there was what we called "les grosse vidanges" (litterally "the big trash"). That was the only time when poeple could put away the big items like stereo, tv, etc. That was the best time of the year. I would take some tools, and i would patrol on the streets and remove the pieces i needed for my electronics lab. I still have some of them.
It explain why and how i could manage to built a system that would count how many time someone crosses my room door by cutting a light beam... at the age of 8!
And why i was making plan to built a rocket to got into orbit, still at the age of 8.
It explain why, at 15, i was dreaming of inventing some sort of propulsion system and, build a "self sustained mother ship" to finally leave the planet and everyone, alone (not completly alone in fact, with a perfectly women looking intelligent robot i built)
It explain why i am so naive
I see anybody that is around 15 or more as more mature than me,
It explain why everybody knows, while i don't
Definitely:
-Why I could speak full sentences at 10 months old.
-Why I hated fireworks and the vacuum cleaner.
-Why I wasn't very affectionate.
-Why I preferred to be by myself.
-Why I had so many strange interests.
-Why I was generally easy-going, but could throw tantrums, to end all tantrums.
-Why I couldn't stand being held upside down like most kids.
-Why I started getting tension headaches at 7 years old.
-Why I flapped my hands and twiddled my fingers when I got excited, nervous, or stressed.
-Why I hated going to places like the mall.
-Why recess was my least favorite part of school.
-Why I enjoyed spending time with adults more than kids, and they liked my company as well, I was the 'little professor'.
This list could go on and on...
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