What is "approachable" and how do I be it?

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My manager and this one guy I work with keep talking about how I'm not "approachable" (this other girl I work with gets along with me just fine), so I'm wondering what this word even means. Am I not approachable because the manager is a total b***h and the guy never wants to talk about anything that even matters (he only asks really personal questions that get on my nerves or wants to make pointless smalltalk)?

Basically... how do I become more NT, or fake it, at work? My manager is sort of implying that I'm about to be fired. I don't really care about the job since I don't need the money, but getting fired looks horrible on a resume and even if I quit, any new employer will want to talk to her.

Have you been diagnosed on the spectrum? Do they know anything about your "situation"?

Yes, I've been diagnosed. No, they don't know. If they knew, I'd be fired.

I know I can't legally be fired for that, but they'd find some way. I'd be at the top of the list. When someone has to go, it'd be me.

Could you go to a legal aid society and get them to write a letter to you for you to take to your boss, this letter communicating an "understanding" that firing you over this is a violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act??

Before that ask them what they mean by approachable to set the groundwork of what you're needing to defend against, then tell that to the LAS

That's not really worth it for how little I get paid. I'm in a small town. Places like that are too far away. I went through this during college since my profs were in my face about me "being shy" and basically not sh*****g rainbows.

A legal aid society can do it Pro Bono and fax the letter to you.

I guess I am one of those who is mild and easygoing until you threaten my being, then all bets are off.

IMO You need to fight for yourself.

Could his attitude have anything to do with sexual harassment?
I can imagine being an Aspie and not understanding that someone is hitting on you. Is he more friendly in different situations? When people are around, does he behave differently?

It's not sexual harrassment. He's just one of those annoying friendly types who needs to know my life story.

I guess that being approachable means not looking like you are avoiding people. Someone told me that if you avoid eye contact with people then it makes you seem shut off & unapproachable, so maybe give more eye contact? Sorry that's my only suggestion, I'm not really sure how to be approachable because I've tried & failed many times.

Hmm... might I suggest you turn tables on him and get him to open up to you and bend your ear!!

Then he'll really think you're approachable (i.e. willing to listen)

That could work. If so, maybe Poly can challenge Bobby Fisher to a game of chess.
And then I can challenge Michael Phelps to a swimming race.

I think to look approachable you have to look sort of energetic, so opening your eyes a little wider (not like really wide, but just not sleepy-looking) raising your eyebrows a bit (looks friendly) smiling here and there, and kind of standing up straight and not having your shoulders too far forward (it goes with the energetic look, and hunching over kind of looks like you're trying to hide or something) and if you can manage it, meet people's eyes more often. You don't really have to look them in the eye much, but a couple glances per conversation would be good. The energetic, friendly body language should do most of the work.

...at least, this is what has worked for me.

I agree with wigglyspider and Brittany2907.

One aspect I'd like to add is verbal cue can add depth to a conversation as well. To show (or fake) you're interested in the conversation you can slip in "um hmm", "uh huh", "that's interesting", "that's nice", "oh wow", "cool"...etc when they pause between sentences. To take it the next step, rephrase some of what they said to show that you're listening. Predict their emotional reaction if you can. Always keep it positive unless you're try to show condolences. For example: "I bought a car today...etc etc". When they pause you could say "It must be nice driving it in this weather". Then when you're done you could say "Have fun driving the car, I need to go [insert your destination] now".

Sometimes instead of a plain "yes" or "no", varying your response can show interest as well - e.g. "That's great", "Fantastic", "That'd be lovely", "Not today", "No thanks", "Maybe next time" topped with a smile can go a long way.

I know it is hard to fake interest when you're the least bit interested in something. Sometimes people do it to achieve social purposes. Perhaps with practice it becomes easier. It is basic human need to be listened and understood. That gives the appearance to be approchable.

Faking it doesn't pay. It comes over as calculated and insincere, because it is.
If you already stink at social skills in general, the emotional dishonesty would be too obvious to someone who gets it. Even I'm annoyed when I catch people faking it, and I'm clueless.
You need to find a way to turn the conversation to something you can almost care about.

To look approachable you probably need to FEEL approachable. Which means, getting over that urge to put a gag on the person's mouth anytime he/she comes near you. Find a way to get interested in all that he/she says.

The body language reflexes that accompany approachability include a relaxed stance (no crossed arms, no hunched shoulders), an eager or calm face (when you are lost in though, or look stressed or angry, no one will want to come by), a quick acknowledgment when they pass by your desk, and so on. Make eye contact; smile briefly.

I do have to admit, however, that Tahiti has a point. It can be difficult to fake it, and it can be costly to you as an individual. Perhaps fake it long enough to leave of your own choice? Then find an employer that doesn't place so much value on this one trait.

See, I do all of that, the nodding and the listening and the "uh huh"s.

Is it because I don't initiate conversations? I just don't see the point. I'm there to work, damn it.