Has anyone tried to change you?

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My dad made me throw away my action figures I played with action figures into my teens. He wanted me to get into Cosmo and girly magazines UH NO THANKS! Immature interest fit AS (something I didn't know existed back then) I'd get down and pretend with them using my imagination LOL! I save some and once in awhile try to do it but lost that imagination spark. LOL! I was reading a topic of some people liking to dress Barbie's IMO how cute!! !! (I remember being into DBZ and pretending the regular Batman/Superman were Sayain and there red or blue/machine figure were the Super Sayian and Joker etc. were the enemies of course LOL!) (I hate how action figures came out of figures that were NEVER in the show! With some machine etc. accessory that was never seen/used by X character LOL! (from the commercials I've seen it seems toy makers are focusing more on WHAT's ACTUALLY IN THE SHOW! now adays.

Yes, and they received a very rude awakening.

My parents

My extended family

(Lots of yelling and confrontation on account of those two.)

My school

My work, or my co-workers and bosses to be precise.

Not my friends though. They have always been accepting.

Trying to change me is the fastest way to alienate me.

I was in a cult for 20 years so lots of people tried to change me. so, I isolated, took my weirdness underground and basically lived a double life to survive it. the stepford wife life, and the nerdy computer geek woman who liked reading stuff other than the bible.

Yes. Unsuccessfully.

Nearly everybody I've ever known. Neurotypical people cannot accept standouts who behave differently than they do. It's considered an aberration and if you can't be turned into one of them, then you must be ejected from the social herd.

Its why marriage never works for me. I do not match the behavioral template in the other person's mind, therefore they are constantly trying to bend, fold and mutilate me to get me to fit into the mold. This creates constant struggle and conflict. Its the basic handicap of AS.

My shrink I had when I was 16-18

I think a few staff in my school in 6th grade. Telling me I was too old for this and that.

My ex. He didn't like my interests or how I acted. He didn't force me to change but I knew that's what he wanted.

Do any of you have specifics perhaps traits or things you did that people wanted you to change. Just curious.

Yes. I had a therapist who made me throw out everything related to my obsession that I had with serial killers. It's not like I had guns! I just had books and print outs from the internet. She made me throw it in a bin at the mall so I couldn't go back and retrieve it.

When I used to visit my dad in the school holidays he would try to change me as well. At this stage, no one knew that I had AS but my dad tried to get me to weaken (yes, weaken!) my vocabulary because he said that I talked to much like a city girl (his exact words). I think he was intimidated because his 8 year old daughter was smarter than him. He tried to get me to act more like his side of the family - more physical and less intellectual. He said that I had been living with my mother for too long (again, his exact words).

Well it was more like things I didn't do.

My mom and my first husband's parents and grandparents very much wanted me to be a 'normal' wife, per the fifties sitcom housewife model (gag), happily cooking, cleaning, making babies, throwing dinner parties and attending their social functions. Boy did they get the wrong person! I don't cook, clean (much), or attend parties, much less host them, but I did make a baby once. Ex-hubby's granny 'praised' me by saying (behind my back) that finally I did something right Guess she figured she was stuck with me since I was her great-grandchild's mom.

First husband wasn't nearly as bad as his family, but he was very social and there was constant pressure to socialize, a/k/a a constant battle about 'what was wrong with me.'

Both mom and first hubby tried to get me to learn to cook, but not.gonna.happen.

Second/current husband and I are fortunately on the same page with our non-socialness (and my non-housewifeness). But we do get social pressure from the inlaws, which we have been dealing with successfully. Obviously it helps to have hubby on the right team!

There were other, less dramatic versions of the above along the way... same theme, though, revolving around my non-socialness and being an unconventional woman not acting 'normally.'

It has taken me years and years, but I no longer have the stress of others trying to change me: I left them, divorced them, avoided them, or trained them to respect me (hi, mom).

My schools.

They tried to make me make eye contact and look at people. They wouldn't let me fidget/stim. They would have me stay after school and question me about who I hung out with and when I said no one they'd try to set me up with people. They told me to walk around town and find someone to hang out with. They convinced my mother she was being too protective and made me walk through town alone. They didn't like hiding behind anything, even my hair or hands, so made me look up eye disorders/diseases from covering your eyes too much. They would try to force me to call people on the phone at school. Etc etc etc.

My mom hated my obsessions and she take them away from me. She made Home Alone off limits, Jurassic Park and then 101 Dalmatians. But she couldn't make that off limits in 5th grade because the movie was in theaters so she took the book away instead when I wouldn't stop reading it. She used to tell me to read something else, look up something else online and get out of Dalmatians.


Also my mom would tell me things about what I needed to change if I want kids to like or or not make fun of me or else they think I'm weird. I do agree there because it's true. But what I couldn't change was my voice, my height and looks, my learning problems, my short attention span was hard to change and my stuttering too. But the weird behavior like running from teachers, smelling things, picking my nose, talking about Home Alone, not staying in my seat, all my fault. Now my mom says it's not my fault? Geez back then she made it sound like me being picked on is my fault because if I didn't do this or that like throw scissors in class, then kids will like me and not make fun of me. So there are some things we shall change about ourselves to make our lives easier. Things we shouldn't have to change are our own interests, our likes and dislikes, what we like to wear unless we hate getting all these weird looks and stares and judgments. Me I just don't care so I don't complain about it if I got that crap.

Once a woman I knew (friend of my then roommate) called me up and started telling me about this other woman she knew. She went on and on and I finally asked her why she was telling me about this woman. She said that she decided that I needed to come out of my shell and so she had picked out this person for me to be my friend.
I had someone else tell me she was going to 'fix me up' so I didn't look like a 'goddamn librarian'.
sigh.

My mother is pretty tolerant of my immature interests (all the transformers series, playdough, and an etch-a-sketch from 1997), but it took many arguments and stand-offs to get to that. My teachers always disposed of my slinkies during class (little did they know they only cost two dollars). There must be a mess of slinkies in my english teacher's desk by now. My brother failed to stop me from making my hair royal blue (it's currently very pale blue). My mother never stopped me from getting my tattoos, no matter what. And how she tried. My friends are awesome, they think I'm strong for doing what I want.

I do remember one school teacher trying to make me actually laugh, instead of saying "That is hilarious." in a dead pan tone. Failing that task, she tried to make me read in front of the class. I defied her every day after that. I now look back and hope she didn't quit because of me. I was one angry vixen when I needed to be.

Lots of people have indirectly in small ways or with small suggestions. Even my mom from time to time would. "Can you please just make one new friend this year at school?" "I know you're unique, but do you have to be so unique?" I mostly just ignore these comments, though.

Mostly just my mother. She would tell me that if I didn't make good enough eye contact with people they would think I was lying or trying to hide something.

She would also constantly pressure me to try to get out there and make more friends. One year she even bribed me to join the softball team. I was such a klutz and hated sports, so it was actually a relief when I broke my leg and had to sit out the rest of the season!

Other than my dislike of sports, I was a tomboy in every other way (especially clothes). My step-father was a real @sshole about the way I dressed and threatened to throw away all my jeans and T-shirts and replace them with dresses and such. He never actually did, but just the threat of it was pretty traumatizing to me at the time.