Have you ever tried to change people?

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I am sure we all have because it's part of human nature I believe. I have realized I have tried changing people in the past. As a kid I wanted everything done my way, my way was the right way. I was bossy. I also didn't like being picked on so I wished everyone would leave me alone and be nice to me and treat me the same way as they treat everyone else, not discriminating me. I had an ex who was ignorant and I tried to get rid of it by educating him thinking he will listen if I give him new information because that is how my mind works. I had another ex who was lazy and a slob so I make him pick up after himself because I hate slobs and lazy asses. He also would joke around and not be serious and it bug me because I'm literal and if he jokes a lot, how can I take him seriously if almost everything he says is a joke? Then I won't know when he is being serious. Isn't that changing people?

I used to think I didn't need to, but I am starting to reconsider that.

yes, I tried to change my ex into an honest, responsible person. I guess it was against his nature. I thought people could choose not to be that way, but I've since learned I was mistaken, so if they don't change after one or two confrontations, they are not able to change, period.

I was trying to change my ex from a right-wing fundamentalist to a hipster. It didn't work.

HAHAHAHA!

but why?

That's complete bull.
Fundamental change is incredibly hard. The thing is, it has to truly be that person's decision. That's why it's hard to change others. People are the way they are for reasons. A person may not want to be who you want them to be.

I know I girl who I tried to change in a lot of ways, and I hardly influenced her. But in time she came about change on her own and now lives a more healthy life.

I had a girlfriend for whom I changed a lot. She was the only person who broke my shell and let me know I was not doing social things right. My subsequent success in life has been due in large part to her.

Of course, it was my decision to change. I don't think she even set out to change me. I'd just do something unintentionally rude and trigger a tirade. It sometimes took a few days to get the lesson. I think she eventually caught on to the idea that my rudeness was unintentional and that I had absolutely no ill will towards her. I wasn't angry when she broke with me, as she repeated told me how I didn't meet her specs (younger and unable to support her). I wonder what she thinks now.

I once tried to change a boyfriend of mine who was dangerously fond of narcotics.

I bugged him about his health, constantly asked him to come and do adrenalin-inducing sports with me so he'd start liking natural highs instead of drug induced ones...No effect.

I reckon I was wrong to try and change him, it was his own life.

I am very good at changing people, but my form of changing people involves helping people to open up their minds into more expansive thought processes, then leaving them to it to change themselves in whatever ways they decide with the new insights they gain.

Exactly. Sometimes you have to drag people out of their comfort zones.

I have never tried to change people. If someone has a trait that I find intolerable, I avoid the person. Noone is forcing me to spend time with anyone who I don't like.

Not at all.

If someone is asexual or offended by animated sitcoms or art-house films, those are things that need to be changed.

I think it is possible to change a person's opinions and beliefs but it would be much harder to change someone's personality. A personality tends to slowly evolve through experience but not completely change.

Is it really up to you to do that though? I've done the same thing Sunshower describes myself while I did get them to think about their lives and what they were doing in a different way only to find out years later that it made her depressed enough to try committing suicide and she hasn't changed her lifestyle at all in fact she's probably worse due to the extra guilt she now feels due to me trying to open her eyes for her. An extreme example maybe but it's true. Nts need their illusions and who are we to shatter them?

You can't change people, you can influence them but you need to be careful as it can backfire all too easily in a lot of ways. Asking yourself if you're doing it for selfish reasons is essential.



Forcing opinions on people is just wrong, funny how aspies know that well enough for themselves but not for others.

no it's not complete bull. when someone puts the lives of their own kids at risk and refuses to change, I've come to believe it's because they can't change. I didn't say that change is impossible, but people like that CAN'T do it, and at the point I realize they can't change based on my input, I'd be a fool to waste my time thinking they can. perhaps they'll change 20 years later, but that's irrelevant to the safety and well-being of their children NOW.