Do tend to screw up anyway although you try not to?

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This happens to me ALOT! I assume stuff and my way of thinking was wrong. Before my vacation to NY my dad said have a good time and don't upset your sister. I ended up carrying the suitcase wrong resulting in 1) scratching it up 2) FALLING down an escalator then laughing about it (wrong emotional response according to my older sister) and on the train ride back to my sister's friends apartment they said I only cared about stuff I wanted to do not what they wanted to do! Well EXCUSE ME for not wanting to be OUT UNTIL 1AM! Trying to FIND LITTLE ITALY! SHEESH! we also spent all day trying to get to Central Park then were late getting to Chinatown to are bus back to Boston during this time my sister and her friend were panicky (once again me with the wrong behavior!) Was smiley and said we'll make it it's no big deal. On the 1st 2 days of the trip it was me and my sister but after her and her friend (really a family friend but still!) They talked and talked and I felt alone. Also at the friends apartment she was arguing with her boyfriend about moving a table I said I'd help and jokingly went to pick up the table she snapped NO! (SHE HAS NEVER SNAPPED AT ME IN ALL THE YEARS I'VE KNOWN HER!! !! !! !! !! !! ! I almost had a meltdown I was holding back tears!! !!) So although dad said try not to upset my sister I ended up doing it.

yes this is why its hard to me to keep a job..i need tips

Absolutely. There always seems to be one minute thing that I overlook.

welcome to life with AS.

I do, with dismal regularity.

One common scenario is that someone starts a conversation topic, to which I know (for the most part) the appropriate response, but it takes me a while to "catch up" to the topic. Until that happens, I mistake the conversation for another topic, with different acceptable responses, and wind up responding in a way totally inappropriate for the intended topic. Even when I know the answer, I still screw up!

Another area of difficulty is politeness in offer/acceptance situations. For the life of me, I cannot figure out when it is better to accept or decline, and how much to "force the issue" when offering. Once in a blue moon, I actually get it right.

here here

They weren't really arguing about the table, she was attempting to exert control over her boyfriend ie. she wanted him to move it to where she wanted it. It could have been about anything from taking the garbage out to doing the dishes she would have reacted the same way if you'd interrupted. Never interrupt an NT spousal argument, just hide in another room til it's over and don't bring it up afterwards. NTs are always playing games that we don't know the rules of, it pays not to play games unless you're familiar with the rules.

They weren't really arguing about the table, she was attempting to exert control over her boyfriend ie. she wanted him to move it to where she wanted it. It could have been about anything from taking the garbage out to doing the dishes she would have reacted the same way if you'd interrupted. Never interrupt an NT spousal argument and never let yourself be dragged into it, just hide in another room til it's over and don't bring it up afterwards.

NTs are always playing games that we don't know the rules of, it pays not to play games unless you're familiar with the rules. You offering to help move the table was like walking onto a football pitch with a baseball bat and asking the palyers why they're not dressed for basketball.

Last edited by Hmmmn on 05 Sep 2009, 7:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

this is why when I see what appears to be couples arguing, or the guy harassing the girl, I just walk away; I'm probably wrong about what's actually going on, and not taking any stupid chances.

I didn't thank of that about the boyfriend thing the bickering from my sister/husband IMO is annoying which turns me off to having a boyfriend sadly. I didn't think not to get in the middle of the argument. I'm still hurt by her saying NO! Like I said she had NEVER been stern to me like that. I knew to keep out of my sister/husband when I made a comment at the local Kmart her response was I need to stay out of it and I don't understand what it means to have a boyfriend etc. (I then had a meltdown and was crying.) So since then STAY OUT of the sister/husband arguing but like I said I jokingly went to pick up the table (I wasn't really going to) I need to learn more about this boyfriend/girlfriend NT dynamic LOL!

I screw things up without meaning to as well.

It is a good idea to avoid couples when they are arguing.

As for you falling down the escalator and laughing about it, what did she expect you to do, swear your head off? act all embarrased?

Constantly.
I don't seem to internalize learned social behavioral concepts very well. It's like they don't "stick".
So I repeat the same blunders, faux-pas, and embarrassing mistakes every day. I consciously try very hard not to screw up. I keep a list, make detailed plans and so on. But in the flux of the present moment, I tend to lose it. Bah

I don't know if you were like hurt or anything, but I don't think laughing is a completely inappropriate responds to falling.. Don't they always say that if you do something clumsy/embarrassing you should try to laugh it off? Maybe that only applies to NTs.. like maybe you have to have some basic normal responses for all those social bits of advice to be of any use at all. Actually, I think that's true. I always try to follow those things, but it never seems to turn out right.
It sounds to me like sister and friend were just kinda being grouchy anyways.. Also, from the whole table thing, I'd say that there are some basic control issues going on, whether they're your sister's issues, or a weirdness in the dynamic (I'm confused on exactly who.. it was your sister and her husband? or your sister's friend and her boyfriend? ) But either way, you weren't just trying to work out normal interactions, you were trying to work out the correct interactions to stay out of that control dynamic.. that's more difficult than just pretending to be "normal." To wade through control issues like that takes..er.. everything an aspie doesn't have.

This one is also a HUGE issue for me.

Well due to the kmart experience of the meltdown I LEARNED to stay out of my sister/husband dynamic but didn't follow suit with the sister's friend/boyfriend dynamic. I'm kind of glad I'm not the only one that screws up but really analyzing and thinking of things I've done including all the NY trip stuff I mention it's kind of sad. Even just now I walked through the house to get bathroom cleaner and mom made a remark I said "well do you want me to clean the bathroom or not? (Obviously wrong thing to say she got mad.) I know maybe if I lost my voice I wouldn't be able to say the wrong stuff YA that SOUNDS GREAT!! !! !!