parents decided to take away my latop on weekdays.

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ok, first off, sorry ive been complaining about them lately. they have really been doing stuff a lot lately.

but basically the title says my problem. this cannot happen. i had to live a week without my computer, cutting me off from WP,my internet friends, and ones who moved, and things of interest to me. it was depressing. i had nothing to do, no one to quietly chat to, nothing to relate to.
i hardly socialized at school. i just felt bad and wierd. disconnected. cause WP is just a good place to let things out. no one knows who i am, i can relate to people. it makes me feel like i belong somewhere.
im in a country where i cant just have a support group or something, or meet anyone like me. the language is a barrier, and my school is missionary, not much in common there. plus my internet friends are really helpful. and the internet is my source of info. i get to research things of interest, watch videos, learn trivia, check the news, play games. it provides a lot of stimulation and entertainment.
if i didnt have it, i would have nothing to do. at school, everyone is fake, and no one particularly likes me, so hanging out with them, or trying to, would just make me more depressed (it makes me depressed just going to school).
in Turkey, i dont speak the language very well, and there arent really any hobby cultures, so i cant go to expos or groups.
and most importantly, i cannot do anything at home. my dad just sits in front of the tv all day, he eats so loud it has brought me to tears because it is so terrible...and he always eats, so i must avoid that. he is very selfish as well. he never listens or cares about anyone else's opinion. he just sits there, and makes repulsive noises/smells. my mother is not fun, either. she is very negative and selfish. if we talk, it always is brought back to the "end times". she fails to see another's viewpoint.
i cant open up to either of them, as they have proven they cannot accept or understand me (mother refuses i might have somethign wrong with me, dad doesnt give a s**t), they dont understand my little OCD pet peeves, they think i am trying to be a control freak. also, they dotn respect me, they have told me numerous times that "they are my parents, they dont have to respect me, i have to respect them, no matter what." (i cant remember exact words but that's the idea)
Also, our house is very very small, so it is hard to avoid them. my room is the smallest room, apart from bathrooms, and i can hear everything from it. they dont understand how i NEED alone time. i NEED to disappear and be disconnected.
i need to be able to block noise out with music, and i need to talk to people who understand, I need to have something that is mine, and always there, no matter what, and i need to look at things of interest to me. sure i have a sort of ideal little internet life going on here, it's what keeps my hopes up.

so, i need to write a letter i guess, to communicate that they cant take my computer away. how do i do this? if they found out i go to WP, they would think it was very unhealthy and abnormal, and ban me from it. they also may want to read into the private things i say on it, so i must avoid any specific names of places i go to.
how do i do it!! !! i am so nervous. i hate doing these "letters" because they rarely listen, and it feels like getting naked in front of my dad, or something that awkward. but i must, because i cant give up my computer (and I PAID FOR IT! GRRR)

I wish I had an answer for you. Maybe writing on paper what you feel and what you would normally tell us and then on the weekends you can decide if you still want to type it. You'd have to hide the paper though. Do you have a journal?

Get yourself some earplugs or use toilet paper or something. What do they want you to do all day?

i hate earplugs. they make me feel very vulnerable, and i hate them in my ears when not listening to music on the bus or car.
i am not sure. i think they want me to join them and watch tv in silence whilst making nasty chewing noises and belching loudly. i am not like them and do not wish to be amongst them. i discovered in my teenage years, and after making some very good, moral friends, that they were being a bad influence to me. i'm not being a rebellious teenager, they really are negative people, not compassionate whatsoever.

Journaling is a good idea. You could also flip the punishment around and spend a lot of time around them, being nosy and curious.... I'm not sure if this is the best advice, but maybe they will decide that they liked it better when you had your computer as an escape.

My parents are very religious and when I was young I remember crying and telling them that I just felt different from my peers. My dad would always respond, "it's because you're a Christian", but I didn't like Christians very much either, so I can relate to having parents who turn everything into a religious conversation. Just try to rise above it since you have to live with them. You probably can't change the way they think.

Do your parents have any experience of the internet? Maybe if they gave it a go themselves instead of listening to all the scare stories on the news, they might realise how wonderful it is. I find that people who disparage the internet are usually people who know very little about it or people who lack the common sense to avoid the less savoury temptations.

Do you enjoy books. Books could still offer you a escape if your parents stiil refuse to let you get on your computer after your letter. You can also go to a library. Library are free to go quiet places with more than enough books to keep you occupied and offer you escape. Sometime they're also get "hum hum" free "hum hum" internet access. (Your parents don't have to know about that one. ) I still wish you good luck with your parents and your computer access though.

Spazzergasm, do you know why they took your laptop away?

im not sure why. i think they think it's unhealthy. that and they also believe i am looking at porn and joinging websites that promote hating parents....even though ive told them that's not true.

books are good, but there arent any libraries here. and i dont speak turkish, so its hard to come by english ones. and also that doesnt fix the comfortable socializing and "fitting in" of being a member of WP

Why are they doing this to you, exactly? Are they punishing you for something specific, or what?

Once, my mum tried to ban me from using WP, because she thought it was teaching me to disrespect society or something (I've disrespected society since before I could use a computer ), but then later she said she was OK with it.

I think your parents have issues. Sorry to hear that.

G'day Spazzergasm,

Oh your poor thing, you seem very distressed about this. I'm so sorry to hear this, I can sympathise with how much this would be hurting you. You sound very isolated within your own family and your laptop lessens this isolation.

Why are they taking your laptop away from you? Is it because you have done something wrong? Not doing enough study or something. What is their explanation for this?

Can you do anything about it, can you think of something to say that will make them change their minds? You have to think of something and give it a go if it means enough to you, it's worth the discomfort of talking to your parents

I am a parent of 2 boys and I have taken my 11 year olds laptop off him for doing the wrong thing, from time to time. However it only means games to him. It is not something he uses to connect with other people. I would not do that, isolating kids from other people against their will is considered abusive in Australia. So I don't understand why a decent parent would set out to cause you distress if they didn't ultimately have your best interest at heart.

I enjoy your posts, I always look foward to reading them. I hope you are able to sort something out for yourself. Keep us posted.

Have they told you anything of that nature? Maybe, show them what you've been doing if they don't believe you. You don't have show them WP.

well-meaning people advised me to take my son's computer away as a form of punishment and to make him earn time on it as a reward. talk about a big backfire. that was before we found out he's on the spectrum and I wouldn't take it away from him at this point because the only point in doing that would be to induce a meltdown and I think that's cruel.

I'm trying to remember your story, spazzer. you don't have an official dx, right? so no help from a social worker or anything like that?

and the age of majority in Turkey, is it higher than your current age? do you have any property rights? I know here if a parent took away a kid's computer no one would think twice, even if the kid paid for the computer herself. the authorities would consider the computer the property of the child when the child moves out, I think, because state family law statutes provide for "belongings of the child".

maybe you could make a deal with your parents. if they don't want you on the computer, they should turn off the tv and play a game with you, like scrabble or cribbage. if all they want to do is watch tv, tell them you aren't interested in tv so they've left you nothing to do except use the internet to research things you're interested in. if they balk at that, ask for money for a music player with speakers and a book allowance on amazon so you can order books to read.

do you have plans for once you're legally an adult?

If it were me, I'd be inclined to "confiscate" my parents' car keys and hide them in the woods somewhere until they returned my property to me. A few days of getting the bus to work and they'll soon be dancing to your tune.

For some reason I thought you were in Seattle. I swore that's what you said. I can feel your pain. Being a teen is so tough and living with your family. I had brothers who liked having lot of friends over and parties, my mom took the computer away for three weeks when I was your age and she put a password on it so I couldn't sneak it. It was horrible and depressing and she didn't give in on me. I would try and do other things like watch Benny & Joon, play video games, watch movies but I still felt empty and lost inside. But how are you on here now? I suppose you snuck the computer.

But luckily my mom didn't try and force people on me or get me to be with them.
It's so hard being a underage teen and have parents pride in on your life and butt in your business. That's why they call it adolescence because they start to think like adults. I felt my mom was nosy when I was your age but I understood why she would do it. Then I got my privacy when I became an adult.

Last edited by Spokane_Girl on 25 Oct 2009, 2:05 am, edited 2 times in total.

Hiding car keys might make her problem worse, I think maybe using the pretence that she needs to computer for educational
reasons. Personally I would leave home once I am of legal age and immigrate to a more hospitable country, it must be terribly
stifling in Turkey for a young lady and an aspie.