What You're Doing Here Is Not Healthy, IMO.

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Hello, Wrongplanet.
Some of you may recognise my username. If so, you will notice my number of posts on this site, and all other Autism 'Support' Sites have dramatically decreased. This is not because I have decided to withdraw my self from the Autism community as a whole, but more the Autism community who go to these support sites, for I honestly don't want to be dragged down to the point where they are.
This is NOT a hate thread- I honestly intend to give my honest opinions on Autism Support Sites and how they can have SERIOUS effects on the way people think and such. I've SEEN people online go down this road and it's a terrible road to go down.
I'm talking about the entirely different sociology this site sports. Instead of high social status being rewarded, we reward(with reputation) those who have been the most rejected and hate society the most. This leads one to become more and more anti-social.
I can honestly say, that someone self-diagnosising them selves with Asperger's thanks to skewed sites like this, that it could EASILY wreck anything from a decade to their entire life.
I'm not for the cure. I never will be. If a cure is introduced I will NOT take it.
However, I will also never be PROUD of having Asperger's. I will not think I am better of those who don't have Asperger's and I will never stop my affiliation with someone purely on the basis they're neurotypical. I will also not be insulted or ignore someone who says I don't have Asperger's.
I don't care what you write in your post, but I think most people who spend a lot of time on WrongPlanet will not be able to say the latter statement I've just said to themselves without lying to themselves.
I think WrongPlanet honestly can lead to SEVERE Acquired Situational Narcism. The site endorses a GIANT social tension between Autistics and non-Autistics, and this tension becomes so massive, one gradually believes they are incapable of an NT world, and tries to rationalise their reluctance to integrate in this world with nothing put PURE hatred.
And it's SUCH a sad road to go down. Prior to joining this site, I wasn't the most popular person in the world, but I wouldn't be to the point where I'd actually avoid friend ships 'cause I disregarded them as vain. I honestly don't know if I can say that during my time on WrongPlanet I'd be able to say the same thing. I'm gradually now gaining back my friends who I abandoned because I just wanted to be more pragmatic and be accepted by what I was led to believe were the only people who'd only ever really accept me.
Another thing I think is a regular occurrence on this site is people bringing up topics which we are all very sensitive too. Like school. I'm in High School right now, and generally when I think about having to go back on Monday doesn't make me THAT sad, but when I read some threads on this site, like PE, KNOWN to be a terrible subject for most with AS, it just reminds me of all the times I've been called a ret*d, etc. and makes me so depressed.
In the end, the ONLY option for those who wish to be accepted by the Autism community(support site one) is to cover it all up with hatred.
I'm sorry- but I just don't think this site is healthy to spend a lot of time on. You dig a hole so hard to get out of, and the more you stay here, the further you dig.
I completely understand those who are comfortable in these holes they've dug, but I just feel sorry for the NTs you've abandoned during your life, be it family or friends, due to them not having a social deficit...
Autism is a different way of thinking- not some sort of superior culture, and I think people who spend a lot of time on this site do not think that.
I know a lot of people will effectively hate me, or think I'm trying to change you- no, I'm not. I just honestly think that glorifying every aspect of Autism is not a good thing.
Even if this thread makes just ONE of the people on here get out of the hole I've described(no doubt what I've described won't apply to everyone) it was worth it.
I just want to make it clear- I don't hate Autism, I don't think Autism is living in the dark- but excluding you self from a world of amazing people, with the occasional jerk(people with Autism can be jerks too, fyi), is just a stupid thing to do.
This is an opinionated post. I know. I feel like a Christian posting on an Atheist forum my self.
IDK... I just honestly think some of the social linguistics here need to be changed or people should just leave the site period.
And also:
CLAIMING YOU'RE NOT AN ASPIE SUPREMACIST DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BASH NTS- THAT IS ASPIE SUPREMACISM BEHAVIOUR
So, yeah, thanks for reading this post.
My opinion WON'T change by what you respond, though if you have any questions to ask or corrections, etc. then I'll respond.
Also, at Gina and Josh: I don't care what crap you write about me. The points still stand. You trying too make me look bad is just selfish.
-Emor.

Last edited by Emor on 12 Sep 2009, 5:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i agree. various supports sites for disorders aren't helpful or healthy to those effected with disorders. i don't go to a support site for another disorder that i went to everyday anymore.

I think this is a case of varying milage. My experience here is that I've learned a lot about myself by recognizing traits as being autistic that I had thought were "normal" or not too different. My experiences are very similar to others'. I also know that I may have prevented another user from developing a psychiatric disorder by recognizing behavior that could trigger it.

I do agree that there is too much hatred and bias towards NTs. Being an NT can't be all bad. After all, the vast majority of people are NT. Sure, there is a lot of NT behavior that we don't understand or like. We have to judge those behaviors on their merits (which may not be obvious), rather than pass judgements on all NTs. We must remember that NTs come in lots of varieties and some, if not most, are wonderful people.

As for the hatred towards NTs, all I can do is recommend universal love: love yourself and others. If you can't love yourself, you can't love others. And remember, we're different, not better nor worse than NTs.

I'm not sure what my opinion is of your post. I'll have to think about it, and get back to you later. That was a lot to digest. You're quite insightful for your age, and have figured out already that moderation may be the way to live.

Keep up with the writing, because for someone your age that was an excellent editorial. Honestly, for someone at any age that was well written. You definitely have some talent.

Well, by and large I think I agree with you. There is a SEGMENT of the forum that is taking on a very negative victim identity and becoming deeply entrenched in their embattled, embittered, self-centered and self-limiting view of themselves.

However, I do think you go a bit too far, use too broad a brush to paint us all that way. There are also many people who are still interacting with "NT culture" or the rest of the world, and are actively encouraging others to do so. Reminding them of their own goodness, the capabilities and talents they have to offer, and offering a shoulder to cry on, another perspective, possible work-arounds... all to enable rather than disable at whatever level each person is willing to attempt.

But, like you, I don't spend much time here, as I am engaged in the world and busy. I am willing to be the eccentric aunt, the odd neighbor, the challenging person in the spiritual community. I want a RICH life, not a safe life.

And I enjoy hanging out with kind, thoughtful, considerate people and frankly some of the posts on WP are hateful, derogatory, morally disgusting. So for the same reason I don't go into a dive bar, I don't stay in many conversations here.

Yes, the potential to be what I define as a jerk is not restricted to any class, mental status, race, educational level, gender or gender preference. I've found 'em everywhere.

Emor, I agree with a lot of what you say. I'm here because I thought there was something really wrong with me. now I know I'm not wrong, I'm different, and I've never belonged anywhere for just being who I am. I don't intend to ever NT bash, but I have been treated very badly in the workplace by NTs who would not accept that I'm different and also not vengeful, because they themselves are. I think it must be human nature in general to do this, because I've seen it on this board, and one of my spectrum relatives always thinks she knows what I think or why I do things. I'll be working with NTs in the future if I have my way, so understanding the difference between me and them will be a good thing, but trying to be like them will not.

as to driving away NT family and friends... I haven't done that. I believe most of my family is spectrum, and some of them have drifted off on their own for whatever reason, and the one person who I did cut off is extremely abusive. I've had a few NT friends for years, and even living in and leaving a cult didn't break our friendships.

like you I'm not proud to have Asperger's. it's just nice to not be ashamed of being different for once.

Experience of my own and some folks I know has shown that to be true of other support sites and support groups for other things.
Somehow it seems a 'lowest common denominator' thing in those cases.
In other cases, some do expend energy to rise above the mud.
Like so many things all across life, it's a mix, and indulging to extreme is unhealthy.

I dont agree with you about the detrimental effects of AS sites. But I do agree that sites are very addictive! I have been addicted to various messageboards since 2002! If it wasnt this one I would find another anyway. I am a reading addict!

But having said that i have met some lovely people as a result of this board, and have come to see my situation in a better light. And also, the board has helped me come to peace with my view of NTs.

Thank you for the compliments- they're greatly appreciated .
I'm sorry if it has came across that I'm trying to generalise- I comprehend that the site IS beneficial when it comes too having questions, but other that getting genuine support, I don't think a large group of Autistics is a good idea. I also comprehend that SOME people will not be dragged into the trend of hating NTs, however, I think few of those who don't get dragged in will not spend excessive periods of times on this site anyway.
-Emor.

Last edited by Emor on 12 Sep 2009, 6:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wow. I must have missed something. I have seen very little of the sort of thing you seem to be referencing, but then I don't attempt to read all the threads. Personally, I see a lot more support here than anything else. Yes, we all feel sorry for ourselves on occasion, but that's why support groups exist.

I just don't see the level of toxicity you're seeing, but I'm sorry to hear you've had an unpleasant experience.

Mariska Hagaritay.

Last edited by Willard on 13 Sep 2009, 2:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I spend excessive amounts of time on ALL the boards I'm involved in, but the common thread is I only have one or two sections that I visit so I don't become completely immersed. I do have a life, too, kind of. it's just all a mess and subject to major change soon in ways I can't predict, and I can't start school until the changes take place... having WP and the other online things is good for me in times of stress. WP in particular has made it easier to spend time with people IRL when before I was completely isolating.

It's not about who is the most hated or rejected. It's about reality for some people and it has nothing to do with being antisocial. I am not sure what kind of social reality some posters have. What if you try your best to be social, you just end up getting rejected, put down, abandoned, treated like a second class citizen, disrespected. It's got little to do with being antisocial. For years I tried and failed more times than I can count. It's the Asperger's reality, it's not a contest. Most sites could care less about this particular problem, or worse, they put you down even more by calling you "antisocial" or saying you are narcissistic or aren't trying or want to be this way so you are. Or, that you need counseling. Where else can you go to talk candidly about this particular problem than an autistic support site? Experiencing problems socializing is a part of the disability, can have a negative impact on people's lives and can leave one feeling powerless and hopeless from time to time. It isn't treated like a serious disability, yet it can have a greater impact, much more negative too, than certain other aspects of disability. People assume it's something that's easy to change, "if only you want to change it and NEVER discuss it!" It doesn't work that way. The problem is still an issue whether someone posts about it on an autistic support site or not, so why censor people who experience these realities and have limited places to talk about how they affect their lives?
Why is it people assume it's "antisocial" behaviour? Antisocial means going out and spray painting graffiti on walls or kicking a random person in the shins.
Not being an effective socializer or lack of social reciprocity does not make one "antisocial"! I have no impulses to engage in antisocial acts. I don't consider myself to be antisocial in the slightest. In fact, I've known very sociable people who have done things that could be construed as antisocial, like writing in shoe polish on doors to businesses or on the windows of their friend's cars.
If you cannot post candidly about such issues at autism support sites where else can you post about them? NTs certainly don't understand...that's for sure!

Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on 12 Sep 2009, 6:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I kind of want to avoid a tedious debate- but on the front page of the General Autism Discussion you find 3 topics which are generalising Neurotypicals(to qualify it just had to mention 'Neurotypical' or 'NT' in the topic name). I completely failed at my ability to count all of the topics to give you an accurate ratio, however, I just think that 3 topics on the front page IS excessive. Then if one were to do it on the posts, I estimate roughly around 1:7 posts by users here more than 2 months with an ASD will post a post generalising neurotypicals.
-Emor.

I do! Aspie groups are great fun.



Most wont.



True

Let's face it, there is a lot of stupid people in this comunnities that went on that downward spiral you went through.

But ifyou are smart enought to not take this to the extreme, if you are smart enough to not reject NT's cause the are not like you wich by the way this is named 'positive discrimination' (cause is the discriminated one the discriminators, but it is not positive at all... it's just a name) then you are doing good.

I love haging out with my NT friends, my BF is adorable, my life is awesome, and I found in WP something that was missing in my life, a place to take out all my stupid questions that will make my friends' neurons to fry cause "how come you don't understand how you feel?" and all this things I ask that are defying common logic

You have to be smart enough to understand that every extreme is bad, and from there start tuning untill you finds your perfect vibe. And any way if you wouldn't have sites like this this people who ended in this dawnward spiral, would end upp having a serious deppression or something like that cause of all the weight they carry in them. Destiny is for them was set much before, one way or another they would have fail.

Now, GO OUT THERE AND HAVE A REAL LIFE! make the best and most functional out of yourself!

Last edited by Dianitapilla on 12 Sep 2009, 6:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.

A site to behold topic

Everything in moderation, including support sites on the internet. To me WP is a tool, not an end in itself. Support, in order to be effective, is interactive, and I have found that wanting here.

But WP is an interesting site, and I visit as often as possible, though I can go without it for days as I have other areas that need attention.

Good insight in a young person.