Communication between Aspie/ADHD and NT/Aspie? - traits

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My dh may be on the spectrum. I may possibly be on the spectrum as well.

One of the things I have a lot of trouble with is communication with dh. He doesn't seem to hear me most of the time. There is no facial expression when I speak to him and the eye contact from him is just a long stare. But in public, he seems to show off the expressions very well with lots of smiles and nodding. I have to believe it is a learned type of behavior and not something that comes natural. Sometimes very uncomfortable when he shows public displays of affection, it's almost over the top as his gaze is too prolonged.

Biggest issue right now is whenever I try to interject a short sentence in a conversation, he will not allow it, instead "mowing" me down with what he has to say, whether it takes 5 minutes or 45 minutes to finish. Is this a typical spectrum (Aspergers) trait? It causes a lot of strain between us because it happens all the time, but he has no problem cutting me off when it's my turn to speak. He just won't allow me to interject in any of his monologues. I have spoken to him endlessly about it and it doesn't seem to register that it bothers me that he will not allow any interjections or give and take in a conversation. He doesn't feedback at all, just stares.

Does this sound familiar to anybody? I could use some advice.

wanted to add that our ds is Dx with PDD-NOS and hence trying to understand ourselves as individuals who may be on spectrum.

My son and I are both guilty of this at times but neither of us really monologue. He says I don't listen to him but I realized that if I ask him a question he starts to answer before I'm finished so I don't understand what he says. When I ask him to repeat he says I never listen. Sometime I feel compelled to interject the answer before he's finished with the question and he gets very frustrated with me on that too. Hey! I just realized...I can't win.
I'm being a hypocrite to interrupt him because I have issues with that too. It makes me lose my train of thought and makes me feel disregarded. Maybe he has problems with keeping on track or maybe it's just a pride thing.

I wonder if it is a pride or stubborn thing on both our parts. Obviously neither of us has changed the past couple of decades together! I suppose I could accept it and not interject at all. Allow him to finish. Then he might be able to process when it's my turn to speak, even if the moment has passed.

When I interject, I am trying to add like a footnote or addition to support what he is saying. For instance, if he discusses a movie with actors, I will usually add my take on another actor in that movie, but my interjection causes him to speak over me at a much louder and much faster pace to drown me out. Sometimes I feel this is almost deliberately to keep me quiet.

What does dh mean?

was wondering the same thing.

think dh means "dear husband"

Same question here, and what about ds, Dx (diagnosed?), PDD-NOS and spectrum?

I am very new to all of this.



I do the kinds of things you have described. Sometimes I intentionally keep other people from "getting a word in edge-wise", so to speak, and I do that because I do not want to be distracted and lose wherever I am headed. Then along with that, I sometimes want the other person to stop thinking their own thoughts so my more-important ones (as I see them) can come through. Some of that certainly stems from pride and arrogance, and I try to be aware of that and keep it down. But at the same time, simple logic says we could get somewhere more quickly if people would just listen.

Being more verbal or communicative in public is a learned behaviour for me so people will not think I am strange where silence and occasional staring (while pondering) at home does not bother me since everybody here already knows I am going to act like that and there is really nothing they can do about it. Overall, I would like to not be that way, and just a little while ago I made a very conscious effort to suggest something to my wife concerning something in her best interest, then allow her to participate in the conversation while I honestly tried to let her concerns and thoughts dominate. So then, at least for me, the ability to communicate is there, but it only comes out when I consciously place others ahead of myself and do what does not come naturally.

dh = dear husband
ds = dear son
dd = dear daughter
DX - diagnosis
PDD-nos = persuasive development disorder - not otherwise specified
means it doesn't fit neatly and clearly into AS or HFA
spectrum are all those Dx that are on the autistic spectrum, like AS, HFA, PDD-nos, NVLD (not officially but I am sure soon) and the straight autism Dx

I think there are 5 listed officially on the DSM-IV, NVLD may be added on the next DSM
Yes lots of lingo, I only started reading about spectrum issues a year ago when I was trying to figure out my stepson's behavior