I wasn't exactly too sure where to post this topic, so this was my best bet...
Lets say you have an aversion to doing certain everyday tasks, like for me, a big one is making phone calls. I'm completely freaked out by the phone and making phone calls unless its to/from someone with whom I am extremely comfortable. As a kid when the phone would ring I would completely freak and run, grab it, put it in a bunch of blankets and stick it under a couch cushion or something similar, then run and hide under my blankets. I just couldn't handle it.
I don't get quite that bad when the phone rings now, but I have had some pretty awful meltdowns in regards to making phone calls. I've cried so hard about having to make a phone call that I've burst capillaries, and I get frustrated with myself for not being able to do something so simple and I feel the compulsion to hit myself and have left bruises more than once. I'm not sure If it happens as a punishment to myself for not being able to do things I want to be able to do, or if its only to relieve the extreme pressure I feel during these times, or both. But it happens.
My husband is very frustrated with me, because at 22 I've never worked (I do babysit at home during the week, so I'm doing something... But this only came about because of his coworker needing a babysitter. Not because I went out and looked for it) and he's very upset that I seem to not have any goals, or even have desires to do things that most people would want to do.
He's basically saying I need to at least try or in the future I'm going to lose him. Which upsets me greatly because I'm not NOT doing things to be a brat, they're genuinely difficult for me.
It sucks because I can't seem to make him understand that its not just frustrating for me, its so incredibly frustrating for myself as well. I don't want to not be able to do basic everyday tasks.
Sometimes after a few hours of crying and freaking out, I'll make the original phone call... Or sometimes I unfortunately ask my mom to make the call for me, or I just won't do anything and cry all day about how I should have been able and I just can't figure out why I CAN'T.
This happens with a bunch of other things, about which I'm not going to get into at the moment because this entry is already so long...
Basically, I'm wondering how you cope with doing the things you have a lot of difficulty with?
Right now he wants me to call the insurance company to get the address, so we can mail our marriage certificate in, so I can get on his insurance and go to a psychiatrist like I've so needed for so long... But I'm having such a hard time getting to the phone and dialing.
I already write down what I'm going to say when they answer, but it only helps slightly.
I've already put it off for a few weeks and he lost his patience a bit today and told me how frustrated he was that I've had the number sitting there and still haven't called.
Anyway, sorry this is so long.