Completely unaware of purposeful social networking?

Page 1 of 4 [ 52 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

matt
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 916

25 Oct 2009, 2:29 am

I knew that people would sometimes get material benefits from having a friend or relationship with someone(nepotism). Such benefits might be a job, or money, or getting something free or cheaper.

I was completely unaware that anyone would explicitly form relationships with others to get such benefits(and I definitely didn't expect that it would be a common behavior). I thought that people only spent time being with people they liked being around.

For example, although I went to public school and college I never conceived that specific intentional interaction with a person might influence them to tell me about an opportunity to get a job, and I hadn't understood why people had given me their contact information.

Even though I went to college and many people told me I was very smart(and I am very academically smart) I didn't know that dealing with people had any other purpose than being able to spend time with them or doing business with them.

Although my grades in college were very good, I never asked any instructor or any other student if I could use them as a reference on my résumé because I didn't know that that would be something that anyone did.

I remember that my mom once asked me whether I had formed any good connections with people at school, and my first thought was that I didn't know that I was supposed to.

I was 23 when I found out about this.

Did you know instinctively about the concept of purposeful social networking? If not when did you learn about it?



zen_mistress
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2007
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,033

25 Oct 2009, 2:40 am

I dont know. But it reminds me of when I was a kid and I saw some mean kids being mean to others and I would wonder what they were gaining from it. I still dont really understand this...


_________________
"Caravan is the name of my history, and my life an extraordinary adventure."
~ Amin Maalouf

Taking a break.


ColdBlooded
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jun 2009
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,136
Location: New Bern, North Carolina

25 Oct 2009, 3:00 am

I don't really understand it much at all, and haven't really given it much thought.. Reading your post is the closest i've been to understanding it. I know that most people seem to have all kinds of "connections," but i never really understood how that all worked out. Do people actually go around getting to know people just for a "connection," or do they just know so many people that a few of them happen to be good "connections"? :? :? :? If most people really go around trying to get to know people just to get "connections," then this is the first i'm hearing of it. I would think a few people might, like wacky characters of sitcoms, but i didn't think it was usual. That just seems really wrong to me... faking an interest in being friends with someone so that they can get you things???



Boomkin
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 105
Location: US

25 Oct 2009, 3:09 am

I understand exactly what you mean. The first time I realized this NT behavior was when I worked at a car manufacturing plant. I was in my early twenties. Some people would give compliments to our 'superiors'. Even going so far as to light their cigarettes on their break times. I never understood this. It's a behavior I rebel against to this day. They believe that they can be promoted by lying to people who are in a higher position than them (giving them compliments that they don't really mean). Sadly it actually works.

I could NEVER bring myself to do this. I am horrible at 'social networking'. This behavior is commonly called 'Brown Nosing'. I don't mean to offend anyone, but this behavior disgusts me. What's the point? You give someone a compliment they don't deserve in the hopes that that person will give you a favor and give you a job you probably don't deserve? No one wins in this. If you get promoted into a job position you're not qualified for you hurt the entire company.

So I guess my answer is that I didn't know about this behavior until it was shoved in my face. In my own opinion, I have no desire to participate in it.


_________________
Moonkin becomes... BOOMKIN!


TheMisfit
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 65

25 Oct 2009, 3:22 am

Me too.

I have a course mate who befriended me so that he can get something from me. I was one of the top students back then, so he thought of obtaining study materials, study tips etc from me.

After a few months when he seemed to know me better, he told me "I befriended you because I thought I will benefit from this connection". I was 19 and never thought stuff like that can happen.



Boomkin
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 105
Location: US

25 Oct 2009, 3:28 am

That's truly horrible TheMisfit. Who needs enemies when you have friends like that?


_________________
Moonkin becomes... BOOMKIN!


TheMisfit
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 65

25 Oct 2009, 3:57 am

Boomkin wrote:
That's truly horrible TheMisfit. Who needs enemies when you have friends like that?


Well, he started to treat me better afterwards. Acts like a genuine friend now. So I guess that is probably a kind but extremely NT-ish person. At least he told me something I never knew.



Blindspot149
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Oct 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,516
Location: Aspergers Quadrant, INTJ, AQ 45/50

25 Oct 2009, 5:39 am

I am aware of 'business networking'.

Everyone at the 'networking meeting' is there to sell, although they pretend to take an interest in the business of the other participants.

Some sell much more aggressively than others and everyone comes armed with 'business cards'.


Social events can be bad enough without bringing it into my business :!:


_________________
Now then, tell me. What did Miggs say to you? Multiple Miggs in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?


Aimless
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,187

25 Oct 2009, 7:14 am

It has never occurred to me to connect with someone only in order to gain something. I have on occasion gained something because of a connection but that was always an unexpected by product. I may not have the success that others have but at least I can respect myself in this regard.


_________________
Detach ed


Blindspot149
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Oct 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,516
Location: Aspergers Quadrant, INTJ, AQ 45/50

25 Oct 2009, 7:55 am

Aimless wrote:
It has never occurred to me to connect with someone only in order to gain something. I have on occasion gained something because of a connection but that was always an unexpected by product. I may not have the success that others have but at least I can respect myself in this regard.



Well you are almost certainly not a sociopath then :wink:


_________________
Now then, tell me. What did Miggs say to you? Multiple Miggs in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?


ChangelingGirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Sep 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,640
Location: Netherlands

25 Oct 2009, 8:10 am

I don't know this getting something from a relationship really is common in personal relationships liek friendships or the like. I at least wouldn't become "friends" with someoen to gain soemthing from them. But I do think this ganing something from someone else is actually what business relationships are all about. I hav eno clue about that "licking someone's pants" sort of thing that seems to be required in business. Don't see what that's useful for; if you want something from someone, why not just ask?



Aimless
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,187

25 Oct 2009, 8:12 am

Blindspot149 that reminds me of something my brother told me, I think it's an employment screening quiz. It's a riddle and if you guess correctly that indicates you have a sociopathic way of thinking. Here goes:

A woman goes to a family wedding and while she's there she sees a man she's never met and falls in love at first sight. However he leaves before she has a chance to meet him. A year later she murders her sister. Why does she murder her sister?

I guessed wrong btw. :)


_________________
Detach ed


Blindspot149
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Oct 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,516
Location: Aspergers Quadrant, INTJ, AQ 45/50

25 Oct 2009, 8:19 am

Aimless wrote:
Blindspot149 that reminds me of something my brother told me, I think it's an employment screening quiz. It's a riddle and if you guess correctly that indicates you have a sociopathic way of thinking. Here goes:

A woman goes to a family wedding and while she's there she sees a man she's never met and falls in love at first sight. However he leaves before she has a chance to meet him. A year later she murders her sister. Why does she murder her sister?

I guessed wrong btw. :)



I KNOW that as a gulliable Aspie I could be walking into a trap. You can confirm that I have answered correctly regardless of my response but here goes.

I am not sure about the significance of the one year but;

With the limited information given, I would have to guess that her sister left WITH the stranger and she killed him at/after their one year anniversary dinner :?:


_________________
Now then, tell me. What did Miggs say to you? Multiple Miggs in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?


shadfly
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 122
Location: Canada

25 Oct 2009, 8:48 am

It's how the world goes around. Think politics: professional lobbyists haunt the political halls with the sole purpose of gaining influence with people in power in order to further the demands of a special interest group. Even advocates of autism must do this, in order to enhance the possibility of securing funding, special rights, etc. On the face of it, you become friends with someone in power (a politician) or one of their aides: this involves going out for drinks and dinner, playing golf, travelling together, even sex. Not out of genuine affection but for the sole purpose of gain (although these people may grow to like each other and become true friends over time). But business interests always trump personal ones in these situations.

There is also the exchange of favours: someone helps me resolve a certain situation, and later on I have to return the favor. People do it all the time. It explains why politicians sometimes make decisions that are completely at odds with the wishes of the majority of their constituents, or that completely betray election campaign promises. They owe someone.

Related is the buying of political favors. A huge donation to a politician's election campaign by a group that desires influence, can pay huge dividends later on when such politician is elected.

Although they appear the same on the surface, being friendly and being friends are not the same.



arielhawksquill
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jun 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,830
Location: Midwest

25 Oct 2009, 8:54 am

The person she'd never met before was the groom.



M_p_furo
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 358

25 Oct 2009, 9:30 am

I wasn't until I began working was when I realized the importance of establishing connections. At least from how I see it, if you want to have references for a job in the future, you need to build those relationships in your current job and past jobs.

I can't do this partially because it feels like I'm "using" a person and also, I've just had a very difficult time "clicking" with my co-workers. I am usually focused on my job, not socializing.

I always find it particularly strange when people "brown nose" their superior and then turn around and bad-mouth them.