Dealing with flakey-ness

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Certain people in my family are incredibly maddening when in comes to making a decision or a plan and sticking to it. I share my house with my sister and her family, so their day to day activities impact my daily activities.

Most of the time (75% ish) everything runs smoothly because we have a fairly set routine. I can deal with a change in routine if given warning, however, I rarely get that warning. It drives me crazy. How hard is it to commit to something you have decided to do?! It would even be helpful to simply declare your plans using the word "might". At least using this word would imply that you haven't made up your mind so I can prepare myself for either situation.

Since you know they are not going to change, you either need to move or you need to find some way to deal with it.
I deal with my husband's wishy-washyness (he calls it flexibility) by reminding myself that the rage I feel is because of asperger's and is not rational and I need to cool it. A few deep breaths and I am usually ok.

I tend to often deal with my partner (nicknamed "Flakey")'s FLAKEYness...by becoming irate...

There is a certain amount of adapting and getting used to it that eventually occurrs...I guess...I repeat the plans over and over just to make sure they will not abruptly change...

When I am conspiring with someone else on some sort of activity and part of the course of the plans depends upon flakey's decisions...I will update the thrird party on every turn of the wheel until the wheel stops on just exactly what it is that we are going to do.

I know how you feel somewhat. While I thankfully have the luxury of living alone, one of the only people I ever go out with is my sister. She isn't flaky in the sense that she bails on plans, but in the sense that SHE NEVER MAKES PLANS! She will call me up like an an hour before doing something and ask me if I want to come along. And while I usually do since I like occasionally being able to get out of the apartment to socialize, be active, and feel like I am a part of the human experience (I simply have almost no one I am ever comfortable doing those things with) I can't stand not having the appropriate time to plan. Like even if I don't even need to actually do anything to get ready I need ample time to mentally prepare myself and she rarely gives me any. I know sometimes this is out of her control, like due to one of her new jobs she sometimes comes up with free concert tickets last minute because they don't sell and due to her other job she will sometimes get cut last minute. But other times I feel like she totally could have planned things more. And also when we do plan on doing something she is almost always running late or very last minute, and while I don't really find it rude or care if I miss part of something having to rush around just gives me extreme anxiety. It causes us problems a lot because if I am trying to rush to meet her and say get lost because I have no sense of direction, especially when I am already overwhelmed with being rushed, I tend sound very irritated and agitated. Of course I am, but she takes this personally and it has nothing to do with her personally but more to due with the fact that my brain is barely functioning due to the overload. Recently I did somewhat try to explain it to her while we were having drinks one night after a concert that we were late to because she was running late and then I got lost in the subway station because it was like a maze. She called me to try to direct me through and when she does that it makes me even more agitated so she thought I was yelling at her when I didn't intend that. I was just hyped up. She was understanding and I would like to try to explain more of this to her further because I feel really bad when she takes it personally and I can understand in a general sense why she reacts that way even if I personally don't understand how I am appearing that I am mad at her in any way. But since I know more now that she doesn't react in the same way as I do it is something I have to work on communicating with her. Like I just know now that I have to tell her that I always appreciate her thinking of me and inviting me to do things with her, but that it is not quite as easy for me mentally to just jump up and go do something with very short notice. And that while I usually can because the desire is there, sometimes all of the chaos makes it even more difficult for me to function well because I have to put more thought into even the most simple things. While not really a full solution I at least feel that it will help better to avoid either of us having hurt feelings due to the misinterpreting the other's reactions.