Is this an aspie trait?

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Is it an aspie trait to make a new friend, online or in real life, talk to them at length, and be unable or reluctant to let them go once you find out you didn't really have a lot in common after all?

I'll give two examples that kind of intertwine.

I met a girl and dated her for a month. Before we met in person, we talked online and on the phone for about a month and seemed to really hit it off. Same thing for the first couple dates. It was clear after those couple dates that we were on different pages. She noticed it quicker than I and decided to be just friends. So we were friends for a few months, and we basically just disagreed and argued a lot. It was clear that whatever rapport we had at the beginning, it was just fools good, and that we were probably better off just calling the friendship quits. I was reluctant to let go because I thought "How can a person come into my life, we talk like we've known each other for years, at one point talk about going on a vacation together, and after a few months say goodbye?" Eventually I said some things to her I couldn't take back (basically I stood up for myself) and we haven't talked since and will probably never talk again.

The other example is a guy I met in a chat room about a year and a half ago. We had been on one of those "how to pick up women" sites and he reminded me of George from Seinfeld...but instead of whining about being bald, he whined about being short. So we started talking on instant messenger, and I found out that he was the horniest guy I've ever met...masturbating 5 or 6 times a day, women are either..."I'd hit it" or "I wouldn't hit it" to him, not "she's attractive" or "I'd date her." He'd met a 40 year old woman at the convenience store he worked at. She asked him if he had something in a different size, he said "I got the perfect size for you"...she gave him her number, he showed up to her house, she was in a bathrobe, and the rest is history. He then met a few (what he calls) unattractive or heavy-set women online and just basically used them for sex. So all of a sudden he thought he was an expert on sex.

When I met the girl I dated, it was obvious he was jealous, trying to downgrade the accomplishment and saying "She's probably using you" and "You haven't got laid yet." When I told him I was looking for a relationship and didn't care about instant sex, he said "What are you, a 15 year old girl?" We stopped talking for a month and I decided to give him another chance, but everything the past month or so has been "You're not going to get laid" or "My life sucks, I'm not an alpha male" "I deserve hot p*ssy" "I need to get laid." It's almost like he projects his values onto me and gets mad that I'm not living the life he wants for himself.

So finally, I had enough and told him off, but in a nice way, basically telling him that I feel sorry that women are nothing more than sex objects to him, and that attractive women can sense his sexual desperation and they use their sexuality to get attention from him but don't date him or have sex with him.

My question is, is it an Aspie trait to only let a bad friend in your life go when there's an absolute breaking point where you can't take it anymore? I wasted a year and a half of my life talking to this kid (that's what he is, a kid, even though he's 22) and learning more than I needed to know about how he thinks. In a way, I should feel bad for him that he has no disabilities or things holding him back, yet all he can get for work is a part time convenience store job, wishes he was some guy that he isn't, and longs to have sex with women that want nothing to do with him and make fun of him, but I don't. After talking to him at length, it's clear that he's what you'd call a secret a$$hole...the guy that looks like a pushover or extremely shy, but if he had it his way, he'd be like the guys that made fun of him in high school.

Just reading this, you can probably see the disdain I feel for this guy. He lives nowhere near me, and he's a lost cause, but I feel a weird negative connection having talked to him for so long, almost like an obligation of sorts. So my question is, as an Aspie, is there any way to identify the breaking point much quicker and not waste so much time and energy on someone that doesn't deserve it?

I am really good at identifying 'breaking points'. I have put up with a lot of crap from others and I know that not all of them are Aspies or on the autistic spectrum, so it's a fallacy to blame obnoxious, inconsiderate behaviour on the spectrum. I am not that rude of a person myself, unless quietness is considered rudeness. I am most likely rude in subtle ways, like, not inquiring about people "how are you" and their gazillion family members, neighbors and friends (which seems to be what a lot of them want), and not rude in obvious "mean" ways (saying negative things about the way they act or appearance, unless the way they act is really impossible to deal with, they are criticizing me, trying to make me over, harrassing me, or saying subjective, negative crap, then I tell them to get lost or stop talking to them). I know for a fact I am more considerate than most of the people I know, and since only one in three hundred are slightly (or more) autistic, some say a bit less than that, this "mean" behaviour is not causal: it's not an autistic trait.
So, if you hear the rudeness, the blatant comments that hurt your feelings time and time again and cause you to feel lousy about yourself, it's time to confront or break up. If confronting only gets you retorts like "you do it to", or "quit being so sensitive", maybe the break up is the only option?
So, to answer your question, is it an Aspie trait to not want to let go? It's a human trait. Many people are like that. They want so badly to be with someone they cannot accept the person might not feel the same way, it's unrequited. I am much less like this myself. I don't want to be with someone at all costs. I put conditions on my relationships and won't put up with crap most people will.

therange, I know no one will agree with me, but yes, I believe it's an Aspie trait. I've thought about this for years, and I believe that Aspies form stronger attachments (in our own heads, of course) to people we've related to than NTs do. This is what specialists call "loyalty" as a symptom of AS, so I'm not so alone in my thoughts. And I see it in my dad too, as well as myself.

Not all Aspies are the same level of "loyal", of course.

BTW, please note I mean "loyal" here ONLY in the sense you so well describe and specialists mention, and not in the usual way people mean "loyal".

Our attachment is more exclusive and more in depth, while NT attachment is more across the board and more shallow (meaning it's easier for them to attach and easier for them to disconnect). This is probably related to differences in attention focus, which influence affective focus, but it'll take decades till science can test and prove these things.

I do have a problem letting frineds/acquaintances go. I usually keep trying to ge tin touch with them, phoning them, etc. long after they stop calling me etc.

There was a guy I dated who basically wanted nothing more from me than a fling..though he didn't come right out and say it... ...
I didn't realize this, and we dated briefly, and I fell in love with him, then he realized what a nut job I was and dumped me, and it totally screwed me up for likesay..5 years...

I didn't have any defenses against it...I shoulda just said "No"..the first time he made a pass at me...He was really aggressive at first though....

Also, over the years, he kept coming back into my life instead of definitively severing ties...and I was a sucker and let it happen....so it messed me up over and over again...It didn't help that I obsessively wrote him letters...
bad bad bad....

The only thing that made it go away was that he left the country, and then returned and moved to another state.
He has threatened to come back to town eventually...but I really do not want to see him again...he caused me a lot of pain and humiliation....Or I caused a lot for myself on account of him...and I just really can't be around him ever again.

It took me a while to reach the attachment point with the girl...let's say hanging out/going on dates 5 or 6 times. When you spend enough time with someone, even if they aren't right for you, you begin to become attached. At least I do. That's why I decided no more dating someone because "oh she looks fairly attractive and doesn't seem like a bad person." I do the online dating route...sort out which women are my type physically, then get to know what they're about and what they want ,and if we aren't on the same page...we never met in person and no harm done.

The one problem with online dating is lack of options. Lots of 20 something women with multiple kids and lots of conventionally unattractive women. But it beats rolling the dice, meeting someone in person only to find out the first or second date that there's nothing in common.

Sue, give an example why you think so? Or at least send me that PM you promised!

Interesting now that I think of it I do think from my own life experiences Aspies "attach" to people differently for me it has to do with "niceness" as in how nice you treat me I love in a way getting nice comments from people (teacher,student,coworker etc.) for some reason it makes me feel good inside and I "attach" to this person way too much (calling etc.) and we never grow to hanging out etc just usually phone chatting. Oh well as of now I have no real life friends just WP people LOL! (Hopefully getting a job soon changes this but truthfully I don't know what I'd do with a friendship or having a boyfriend even LOL!)