Definition of "loser" (and why applied to AS?)

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Shebakoby
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29 Sep 2009, 4:57 pm

It seems to me that the correlation of nerdiness (and possible AS/Autism) and the calling of such people as 'losers' seem to overlap somehow.

But what I don't get is the definition of 'loser' when it is used for people who might be on the spectrum. To me a real 'loser' is a person who is a thief, a liar, a criminal, or any sort of truly irresponsible person who is irresponsible because they just don't care, or a deliberate freeloader/con artist.

So why are some AS people called losers and thus stigmatized for it? Is there some perception of a lack of success or what?



gina-ghettoprincess
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29 Sep 2009, 5:02 pm

We can't play the social "games" as well as NTs can, so therefore we are labelled as "losers".


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29 Sep 2009, 5:06 pm

For me it was lack of social "success" Teasing/bullying often went along the lines of:
"A has almost no friends, she is a loser"
"A is 14 and hasn't been on a date yet, what a loser"



Aimless
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29 Sep 2009, 5:33 pm

I guess it makes sense if you think of it in terms of "losing face" or social shame. I agree though, I would never use the term. I hate cliches for one and I try not to make blanket assessments of people.



marshall
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29 Sep 2009, 5:54 pm

It's a term average/dull small-minded people use to feel better about themselves. They might be dumb as a toaster but at least they have lots of (equally dumb) friends and therefore cannot be labeled "loser". I don't get how having lots of friends equates to being a "winner". I mean there are much higher bars to set as far as accomplishments in life go.



deadeyexx
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29 Sep 2009, 6:11 pm

marshall wrote:
It's a term average/dull small-minded people use to feel better about themselves. They might be dumb as a toaster but at least they have lots of (equally dumb) friends and therefore cannot be labeled "loser". I don't get how having lots of friends equates to being a "winner". I mean there are much higher bars to set as far as accomplishments in life go.


It sucks, but basically lack of friends is the definition. And in many cases, it often does mean you lose on the social playing field.

Example: Popular person makes joke at loser's expense; everyone around laughs. Loser comes back with a funnier & witter remark back; nobody laughs. Who wins?



Dilbert
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29 Sep 2009, 8:11 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
To me a real 'loser' is a person who is a thief, a liar, a criminal, or any sort of truly irresponsible person who is irresponsible because they just don't care, or a deliberate freeloader/con artist.



Yes that's my definition of a loser as well.

"Society" definition of a loser is someone anti-social. In other words, us here on this forum. I've stopped paying attention to what society thinks a looooong time ago.



marshall
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29 Sep 2009, 9:21 pm

deadeyexx wrote:
marshall wrote:
It's a term average/dull small-minded people use to feel better about themselves. They might be dumb as a toaster but at least they have lots of (equally dumb) friends and therefore cannot be labeled "loser". I don't get how having lots of friends equates to being a "winner". I mean there are much higher bars to set as far as accomplishments in life go.


It sucks, but basically lack of friends is the definition. And in many cases, it often does mean you lose on the social playing field.

Example: Popular person makes joke at loser's expense; everyone around laughs. Loser comes back with a funnier & witter remark back; nobody laughs. Who wins?


Nobody "wins" unless you actually care. If someone needs validation from the dumb masses they lose for that alone. Being a part of the pack is the primate definition of "win". People who have evolved to a higher intellectual level should set the bar a little higher. Conformity to a group isn't am extraordinary feat, monkeys do it to.



subliculous
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30 Sep 2009, 8:13 pm

it depends where you live. by definitions here, in the small town midwest, i'm a
"loser". in new york city, i'm a "winner". ironic, eh?



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30 Sep 2009, 8:22 pm

yeah, I had that label when I was in high school as well, but now I've graduated and have a couple really good friends who I can still hang out with a lot because we understand each other on a personal level that even my social inadequacies can get past. I mean, I'm so close to one person that we often find each other thinking about the same things at the same time a lot. I bet most of the 'friends' all those other people had have already forgotten each other for the most part.


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