my GF might have asperger's and idk what to do?

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my girlfriend might have aspergers syndrome but i dont' know for sure. what do i do?

-she hardly ever talks
-i've known her 3 years
- we've slept together
- she wont open up
- all i know is she likes broadway and reading
- she wont leave her house
- she's afraid of crowds
- she's afraid of escalators
- she's afraid of everything pretty much
- i am frustrated
- she doesn't like doing anything but laying in bed and watching tv or reading
- she likes italian food
- i dont' know what to do about her
- i have done everyting i can for her
- i have thought about breaking up with her but i love her too much
- her regualr doctor said she might have asperger's
- does she? what do i do
- i have been patient with her
- she claims she does everything she can
- i've awnted to break up with her but also dont want to break up with her

- i just want her to open up like a normal person

I'm sorry, but the only thing I can tell from that information is that your girlfriend is a private person who likes reading, and pasta.

It is really impossible to tell you whether or not she has AS(asperger's syndrome) based on that. Have you tried asking her about her opinion? Does she think she has asperger's syndrome? Does it really matter? If you want to know more about her your best course of action would be to ask her directly rather then as people who have never met her.

Google "AQ Test" and get her to do it, you can do it too.
OK its on the internet and all the usual disclaimers apply but its a surprisingly reliable indicator.
Sounds like if you dont find out you will always wonder and regret.
If she does have it and recognises and understands it then there are insights that can
really make life easier.

are you hoping she will 'snap out of it' if she has a label? Are you thinking there is something you can do to make her different than what she is? Do you want her to be different than what she is? Knowing she is "___________" is probably not going to change her, you know.
you might have to look for a 'normal person' that will open up like a normal person instead of thinking she is going to change to suit you.

Yea, I'm wondering the same thing as sinsboldly about your reason for posting.. and why you're thinking about breaking up with her if you love her?
And how does a "normal person" open up?
To the best of my knowledge, everybody "opens up" differently. Someone doesn't have to be on the spectrum to be introverted, or to have social anxiety or agoraphobia. How much someone "opens up" also depends on who they're talking to.
Is the reason you want to break up with her because she's not a "normal person"?
As far as I know there are no normal people.. only people who are better at faking it than others. So if you get into a relationship with someone "normal" that just means you don't know them very well. I suppose some are more normal than others.. but normal is a pretty meaningless concept.

Edit: are you "normal"? What does normal (for you) entail?

is it just me or is everyone in here being sarcastic because they feel insulted? Yes i am hoping she will snap out of it. I just want to know if she has it because then I will know why she is the way she is.

Would you be willing to settle for better communication between the two of you? Because it seems to me like what you and she have is a problem that's very, very common in romantic relationships whether or not one or both people have a diagnosis. I know it sounds odd, but have you considered getting some advice from a couples counselor? I am assuming here that you've tried to communicate with her in ways other than just bombarding her with questions--for example, sending e-mails, IMing, texting, talking on the phone, even writing notes. But if you've tried those things, and you still can't get across to her very well, then to me it makes perfect sense to bring in someone who's studied communication and romantic relationships and ask their advice so the two of you can talk freely to each other.

no, I am not being sarcastic. I am trying to tell you we aren't going to 'snap out of it' anytime soon. Autism is a lifetime situation. Of course we change and grow and develop, but we are not going to get over our brain configuation. If she is autistic, then she isn't either.

Yes, exactly; the solution isn't to try to make her less autistic (if she does happen to be autistic) but to communicate with her the way she is, and for her to learn to communicate with you.

People often confuse "you can't cure autism" with "you can't teach autistic people". Of course we can learn, and that includes the specific weaknesses you get from autism, like difficulty initiating and holding conversations. You should've seen me at eight years old--I didn't know what a conversation was, let alone what to have one. My expertise barely extended as far as answering direct, concrete questions. Now, I can have a give-and-take with a perfect stranger, and while I still interrupt, lecture, and miss cues, I know what a conversation is and can participate in a reasonable facsimile thereof. I guess by the time I'm fifty I'll probably be capable of small talk that's pretty close to what NTs do. It's kinda silly to throw up your hands and go, "Well, she's autistic, that means she'll never change,"... No, autistic people change, especially when people meet us halfway to make it easier.

Have you actually tried talking to her about it? Maybe she doesn't realize that she isn't opening up or communicating as much as you would like her to. She probably thinks that everything is fine if you haven't said anything. You could also try accepting her for how she is instead of wishing she was more social or whatever.

Who said something sarcastic?
I don't quite understand why you think somebody you've known for three years will "just snap out of it." If you've known her for three years, you should have some idea of what she's like, shouldn't you?

Yes, people can change, if they want to and if the expected changes are reasonable. It confuses me that you say you love her, but you're thinking about breaking up with her and you want her to "snap out of" the way she behaves. If you dislike the way she naturally is, maybe the two of you aren't compatible?

Who does SHE feel about all this?
A major issue with aspies is that people get the impression that they don't care about things that they don't understand and/or don't notice. I'd think that with someone you love and have known for a long time, that you'd know, at least intellectually, whether she has problems recognizing certain things. (like social appropriateness, when is right to share what, etc.)
Whether or not somebody has a disorder, if you know them well and can speak at least somewhat honestly with them, wouldn't you know why they do at least some of the things they do? Can you love somebody who you don't understand at all? (I guess that depends on whether or not you believe in love at first sight and stuff, but when somebody says they've known somebody for years and love them, I get the impression that there are things about the person that they like/love..)

You post is just kinda confusing, I think.

The things you say about your girlfriends aloofness, the fact she hasn't opened up to you much in 3 years is the only thing you tell us that suggests she may have AS. Everything else screams of chronic depression and severe Social Anxiety. Which of course could account for her aloofness. However, all these symptoms could be caused by the fact that she does have AS which has until now gone unrecognised and she is struggling very hard to cope. And, like others have said, if the root of the problem is AS then she certainly won't be "snapping out" of it anytime soon. With time and support she'd be able to overcome her depression and anxieties certainly, but she would always need support, to some degree, with her AS. Its something we Aspies are born with and our autistic traits are with us, in one form or another, for life.

But basically, I don't know because I've never met your Girlfriend. The others who have replied to your post, including myself, are not being sarcastic or feeling insulted. We say its hard, virtually impossible, to give you a straight answer because a diagnosis of AS doesn't make you an overnight expert on the subject. AS is so complex and has links to so many other conditions that it would simply be wrong of me to give you any other answer than a "maybe". Also you appear to be under the impression that people with AS are all carbon copies of each other, and I'm not knocking you here because it is a very common misconception. The symptoms/traits of AS vary considerably within each of us with the condition and we all have our own personal interests and personalities, just like the NT community. Therefore, I'd hope you'd appreciate that you could tell me literally everything about your Girlfriend and I still wouldn't be able to give you a yes-or-no answer because I wouldn't know where to look for the signs that alerts a Professional to the fact that an individual likely does or doesn't have AS.

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm being hard on you because, on the contrary, I want to help. I can understand your obviously very concerned about your girlfriends wellbeing, you think it could be Asperger's and I can totally understand why you would seek advice from WP members. Unfortunately the best advice I can give is seek a professional diagnosis. Voice your concerns to your GF's doctor and make it as clear as you can to them that you want help getting her diagnosed. Also mention the fact that she doesn't want to go out and spends a lot of time laying in bed and stuff. If thats what she is doing every day, thats depression and this needs adressing quicker than the fact that she may have AS.

AS+introversion could account for it in the absence of social anxiety, in some cases. Especially if she's like me and kind of forgets to keep up social relationships.

Whether she's got AS or not is kind of immaterial, anyway. The OP is perfectly justified in wanting better communication--they're dating, for heaven's sake, and could anything be more important in a relationship? It just remains to work on establishing it.

I once had a boyfriend like this. He never talked to me about it, so how was I to know what I was doing was unacceptable? I hope you've clearly described your concerns to your girlfriend.
Knowing that I have AS has not made my ex and me any closer. After my diagnosis I went through a tumultuous time and had to be put on medication. Since then my social skills have improved and I have less anxiety, but it has taken a long time for me to where I am in life.

Maybe face to face communication is too hard for her. Start by sending her an e-mail to try and get her to open up. She could have Aspergers or anything else. She could have social anxiety so going out on dates could be something she is fearing. I knew I was. I tried so hard to socialise with my boyfriend and his friends but it actually made me worse.

If you want my advise I say take her to therapy, get her tested for AS, but don't expect her to one day 'snap out of it'. People are born with AS and it takes a lot of time to develop new skills. She may eventually open up.

I wish you the best of luck. My boyfriend did break up with me and he never ever told me what the problem was, so I think it's good that you're trying by asking for help.

I guess everyone in Italy must have Asperger's then.
See, sarcasm is my native language!

Anyways, if you don't like the way she is, why did you get together in the first place?
It's a lot easier to change yourself than it is to change someone else.

Welcome to WP!