absence of feelings in aspergers is frustrating

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It's hard for be to enjoy birthdays & holidays because I don't get excited or express happiness when I recieve gifts . I don't have much grief when somebody dies the only thing I can do is "act" like like sad. That connection between one another isn't clear to me which make it difficult to interact with people which sucks.

Wow, I know what you mean about the gifts.
My parents threatened to put me in a hotel for christmas if
I wasn't more appreciative before they really knew what I had.
I don't feel honest if I act in a way that I don't feel like so its hard.
Gifts, promotions, goodbyes, these are all awkward. When I get let
go from a job I get unusually happy because I am so nervous...

I do get really sad when someone dies but only if they connected to my interests some way.


I'm glad to see its not just me about the gifts!! !

I have the most trouble when people die, I'm not sad and it's all fake. And then when someone in a friend's life dies, I find it hard to be understanding or comforting.

For gifts, if it's something I really like then I am excited, but it's all about greed. And selfishly, it is all about me (say on my birthday). But when I get a present that I don't like I am not appreciative. When I was little I used to complain about my Christmas presents if I didn't like them, which of course upset my parents.

I live in Chicago, and everyone around here seems extremely disappointed that we didn't get the 2016 Olympics. Me, I am totally indifferent. I doesn't really bother me that I am, but it does kind of highlight how my desires and passions are so different from most people's.

Holidays are just another day for me. I usually don't feel sad when people die. A lot of NT's don't either. Sometimes all they are concerned about is what they can get from the deceased. I also don't feel the need to comfort people, or have them comfort me.

me, I don't have absence of emotions. I do have a problem understanding the ones I feel though.

I feel a deep sense of loss when I think about my grandparents and dad. I miss them. I don't know if I experienced grief the same way a NT would, but it doesn't matter. those experiences effected me so that I can empathize with another person's loss.

I don't understand why people are happy or sad over some of the things they are. most stuff isn't worth getting worked up over. I feel happy when my kids have a success, or when I see they are enjoying an activity. I get mad over injustice. I feel sad when people are mean to me or someone I care about. I feel shame when I realize I've done something stupid or hurtful.

I don't know if NTs feel more or less than I do, but I do feel. it took a long time to sort out what I do feel because the usual descriptors don't always fit, and people would tell me I did or didn't feel something which made it more confusing. before I found out about AS I used to tell people I was like Spock because I didn't feel emotions like other people, and I think I was right.

I thought the absence of feelings was part of Schizoid Personality Disorder, not Aspergers or Autism.

I can relate to what you describe regarding not really feeling sad when soemone dies, not being genuinely happy at christmas or your birthday, etc. Sometiems I do have the appropriate feelings, but sometimes not really, or I do but express them in an odd way. It isn't too much of a problem for me though, sinc emy parents didn't tend to show much emotion, either.

What's really hard is to keep it off my face if I don't like a gift. I do appreciate things but have a hard time not showing it if I don't like something. Then I feel guilty.

Like you, I don't often get that emotional feel like NTs get over something like their hometown not getting the Olympics. I know most people get emotional, but I don't usually. But I can remember crying and crying when my grandparents died (a tragic car accident in 1992).

Welcome back, glider!

Thank you Fiddlerpianist. I have been away one month. In that time I thought I would make progress on my novel and get rid of the anxiety. Well, I haven't written one word on the novel. My anxiety has been better though, and my skin rash is a bit better, but I have had a social lacking in my life (beyond family), that WP supplied. I guess WP supplied me a social element that I need. I just need to use WP in a manner that isn't stressful to me.

I have a really hard time with gifts. I mean, I don't even really want gifts for my birthday or for Christmas, but people get disappointed otherwise. So it comes time for me to open gifts, and I have to say things like "Wow, it's great!! thank you so much" with as much enthusiasm as I can whip up (which when I hear myself, doesn't sound like much) and put on a fake smile. I think that as of my past birthday this year, people are starting to catch on that I'm really not that happy to receive gifts.

As for the second part of the OP's post, I share the same lack of sadness feeling. This past April, my terminally ill aunt (mother's sister) passed away - but I really didn't have any true emotions. My mother was really upset and was practically crying for weeks, and all I could do was put on a fake emotion.

I just have to say that I'm in Chicago too, and I'm THRILLED that we didn't get the Olympics.

This is me exactly. Christmas can be a stressful time for me because even though I like the gifts, I just find it extremely awkward to be able to show it in my emotions. I too have a list of lines that I use to try to express my gratitude. I usually remain expressionless. What I do now at Christmas is operate the video camera so that I avoid being expected to show emotion. I can even remember when I was a teenager thinking of how to try to express my likes for gifts when I knew I would not project emotions in a way that others would understand.

I just smile and say "thank you." That's good enough for everyone. If people want me to hold the gift up so they can all see, I do it. I did that at my bridal shower and honeymoon. My aunts and my mom embarassed me at the shower and I said "this is so embarassing" and my mom said "this is what we're supposed to do, we're teasing you because that's what this is about." Then she told me the gifts aren't meant to be serious, they are meant to tease the bride. I got lot of things I didn't need or even use. There were a few things I liked and it was a hat and candy. Then I was given the reciepts for the items.

I don't think I have ever gotten a gift I didn't like. Only time I didn't like what I got was when I already had it so I said "I already have this" and my mom would say "We'll take it back." I once got a Simpsons Hit and Run game for xbox and I already had the game for Gamecube and I don't play xbox. I said I already had it and I don't play the system and my dad was like "We'll take it back."

It's just good to save the receipts when you buy people stuff for in case they don't like it or they already have it.

Heck I can buy my brothers gifts and they won't show excitement for what I give them and no feelings hurt. Only time I ever saw my brother excited was when he opened my present and saw I got him a new PS2 replacing the one that broke. I just like people being themselves. If they don't like my gift, oh well. They can return it.

I think people getting upset over someone not showing enough enthusiasm or excitement or not smiling enough or saying thank you enough over one gift have insecurity about themselves. How many "thank you's" do they need to hear for one gift?