Huzzah! I finally know why relatives want to hug me!

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My partner and I were talking about various things today, and we were speaking about hugs, and I wanted to know why some relatives (especially those I've not seen for ages) will come up to me and hug me when they see me.

Personally I've never understood why people do this, it makes me feel confused and awkward because I'm very specific about who can touch me, and when, and I don't actually like people just coming up to me and hugging me, family or not.

Anyway, I put up with it [mostly because it doesn't happen that often I'm pleased to say] but I wanted to know why people instigate this behaviour.

So my partner explained it to me.
Apparently the hug signifies that the person is welcoming me and instantly trusting me and wanting to communicate this to me via a hug, which is a close physical gesture!

There you go! I didn't know that and felt awkward because all that went through my head aside from the tactile dislike was things like,

'Do I pat their back?'
'Who lets go first?'
'Is it a bad thing if I squeeze too tight/not tight enough?'

I'm so glad I finally understand!

I always figured it was because they got over-excited at the commencement of social contact.

I used to hug people when I was a kid and they didn't like it. I hugged someone when I liked them. Then I stopped in my teens.


I thought hugging was a way of greeting someone and to me it didn't make sense. Just say "hi." I have no idea when it's okay to hug someone because in the past, people didn't like it when I do it. Either it's a risk people take or they know when to do it. I have seen people asking though "Can I have a hug?" or "Can I hug you?" Perhaps they aren't so good at it either so they have to ask.

I just figured that hugging is a sign of affection. The only people I like to hug are my immediate family members- my mom, dad, and brother. I find that a pleasant experience. I don't like hugging other members of my family, or people who are just friends, although I will do it if the other person initiates it.

The whole "hugging" thing can be confusing and awkward. I mostly just follow the other person's lead. I won't shrink away from a hug, but I don't offer either.

I've learned from awkward mistakes.

Years ago, I worked at a small company where a few of the people had known each other since high school. A woman hugged the male boss on his birthday, so I did, too. I later realized that she had been a close friend of the family for many years. I was just a newcomer. It wasn't a huge deal; I suspect that guy has a little AS in him anyway. But as soon as I started to hug him, I was aware that I was doing the wrong thing, because of the nervous laughter from other people. Sometimes it's hard to tell what is the right thing to do, especially when you don't have time to think about it.

I don't know where I fit on the spectrum, but I'd be interested to know how often this kind of confusion happens to NTs. I mean, they can't get it right every time, can they?

My family never hugs me. lol I do get hugged by girls all the time at school though. When they see me in the morning and before they leave, or before I leave. I probably get about 20 or so hugs an average school day...