Do I have Asperger's?

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Sorry about the length here but there's a lot of facts I want to put in!

Hi, my name's John and I'm 25. When I was 14 I was diagnosed with AS. I'm still a bit confused about it so I thought I'd pop in and ask some questions.


My Story

I'd just been expelled from my school and forced to go to another one. I wasn't really an outgoing person but I didn't think much about it. My friends were all in the class above mine. I was having trouble with some other kids in my class who didn't like me, but they liked it when I acted out against the teachers so I did. I kept getting into trouble at the same time as a guy in my class who had ADHD. While they were easy on him cos of his condition, I wasn't so lucky. Eventually I'd been in trouble so much they decided to kick me out.

At the new school I just lost the plot completely. The place was a lot bigger than my last school. I felt alone and scared. The people were all different and I'd lost contact with all my old school friends. On my first day I just freaked and walked off. I sat outside the gate for like 5 hours waiting to be picked up. The next day they sent me to see the counsellor. I managed to get to a lot of the classes in first term and did ok. At lunchtimes I remember just wandering around or standing around staring into space. I'm a bit of a daydreamer and have trouble paying attention so this was not a huge deal for me. It was like I was in my own little world. I think I just didn't WANT to make new friends cos I thought it was pointless. I just didn't want to be there. During classes I could talk to people ok but didn't try to interact with them outside of class.

After first term we had a holiday for a week or two and when it was time to go back I flat out refused cos I couldn't handle it anymore. My mother realised she couldn't make me go and over that year she kept taking me to see people, eventually a psychologist said I had AS.

3 things resulted in my diagnosis.

1. My conversation(s?) with the psychologist.
2. The psychologist speaking with my mother.
3. A short multi choice test I filled out.

What worries me is this:

1. Who the hell doesn't feel uncomfortable seeing a psychiatrist? They're so fake. They have a freaky gaze that looks like they're looking into your soul or something. They force awkward silences to see how you'll react. And the questions they ask feel strange and show an obvious ulterior motive rather than actual caring. Maybe I acted differently because of this. He may have also thought he was helping by leaning towards a diagnosis.

2. My mother's answers may have been wrong? I was 14 years old, an age where most people go through a lot of changes in life. Also, who acts the same around their friends as they do around their parents? This may have influenced some of her answers. She also seemed eager to put a label on me. Maybe to make sure no one thought it was bad parenting that got me expelled? Afterward she would assume things about me. She used to tell me how I didn't like certain foods cos of the texture of them. No matter how much I said that wasn't the case she would keep telling people this. She never asked me about how I felt or why I did certain things. She just assumed.

3. My answers to the questions may have been influenced by my situation. I'd just left my school and my friends behind to go to a new place. I was feeling isolated, depressed and withdrawn. Some of my answers may have reflected this, rather than a 'normal' more relaxed state of mind. As you can see I'm starting to have doubts about my diagnosis. Many of the symptoms I don't have anymore, some I never had. Some match up with things like APD (Auditory Processing Disorder) and sometimes even ADHD PI (Predominantly Inattentive). I realised some symptoms specific to Aspergers were things I didn't have.

I had a CAP test the other day that came up MOSTLY normal. However, there were concerns with some of my listening in noise skills. I read about a subtype called Organisational/Output Deficit which is more focused on speech which I guess couldn't be tested.



THE SYMPTOMS

- As far as I know I've never had a narrow interest in one subject. There were some when I was younger (less than 10) but not really any after that. I'm not sure if this was cos I didn't have one or because whenever a subject came along I 'killed' my enthusiasm for it because I was embarrassed about my 'condition'. Now and then I'll go on about something but only if the other person is interested and continues to ask questions. If someone asks what things I'm interested in my first thought is usually "hey, what AM I interested in?"

- If I had to choose, I would rather be with people than not be with people. I feel fairly comfortable in these situations and have been comfortable for years.

- I'm very easily distractable. I can't think of anything that I would choose to do over talking to friends. Even things like World of Warcraft (known to cause obsession), I could sit and play for a while but if something social came up I'd drop anything I was doing in game and go.

- Sometimes I'm rude and direct but usually only if I don't like the person or if I'm joking. As a kid I was rude but kids are this way anyway. I LIKE to speak my mind but I'll be aware of if I should or not. My father is like this too so it could be the way I was raised.

- I have trouble hiding my emotions sometimes.

- I feel empathy for others and notice and think about the feelings of others. But sometimes I feel uncomfortable acting on it. eg. Once a friend of mine was crying and I wanted to give her a hug to comfort her but I wasn't sure if i was 'allowed to'. (I was aware of the AS thing and maybe I still felt embarrassed about it) Instead I asked if she was ok and what was wrong and listened to her story and tried to be nice. She appreciated that and it cheered her up a little. I might be more bold these days, though.

- The whole 'not allowed' thing really took over my life. Before I did ANYTHING I had to think "Is this normal? Would a normal person do this?" There might have been things I didn't do cos I thought I shouldn't. Maybe I HAD AS but don't show symptoms now because I fought against them so much?

- I've NEVER had problems with interpreting words literally. As a kid I was always making clever jokes and puns and stuff!

- As far as I know I haven't had problems with reading or using non-verbal communication. I definitely don't have problems now at least. I always seem to use my hands when I talk.

- I don't think I'm sensitive to any lights or tastes. My hearing is slightly above average and I can get overwhelmed by lots of speaking more quickly than other people seem to be. As I said before, my CAP test the other day came up with a few hearing in noise problems. I also know I have concentration issues which are more likely to be at the heart of the matter.

- I like neatness, but if something is out of place I can put it out of my mind fairly easily and as a result I'm both messy AND neat. It's more of an OCD thing but I hear many with AS a very neat too.

- I get freaked out when I go to new places cos I'm paranoid of getting lost and have problems with remembering and following directions. I finally bought a GPS thing so it ain't gonna happen again!

- As a younger kid I didn't have too many problems making friends, but unsure how I compared to others. After 14-15 I found it a little bit harder but I still managed. Every year of school (bar one), I had at least a few new friends. I even kept in touch with some old ones. In my first year of the course I did after school I made two good friends within a week or two so I don't think I have a HUGE issue with it. It's harder now cos many of my friends are moving away or getting married but what can ya do...

- I sometimes get nervous going to social things but these days the feeling all but disappears as soon as I get into the car. As a kid I don't remember having these kind of feelings strongly until I was forced to change schools in grade 9, then I got it a fair bit. I'm mostly worried that I'll get there and not be able to talk to anyone and people will think I look awkward. If a social situation suddenly pops up without time to think about it, I feel ok about it. Sometimes I get mad at myself when I don't perform socially as well as I would have liked. I have a saying that goes: "don't think about what might happen if you do, think of what might not happen if you don't"

- My speech is probably the thing I'm self-conscious about the most... I may talk at the wrong volume sometimes or too fast. No one has ever mentioned it, but I just have a feeling.

- I sometimes skip out a word in a sentence or say it too low in volume. It's like my mouth goes dry and the word just doesn't come out properly. If you like Seinfeld, watch Elaine when she's really nervous and that's what I sound like a lot. Sometimes I will 'trail off' at the end of a sentence and mumble the last bit. It's hard to work out if the mumbling thing is just because I'm not confident in my speech because of other reasons. Many people I talk to interrupt me in mid sentence without meaning to. Maybe they're not expecting me to speak?

- My thoughts seem to be in order and just get mixed up when it comes to talking, even when I talk to myself or someone I'm comfortable with. I often stumble on words and slur speech, or slip in a word too early in a sentence. I know everyone gets this sometimes but I get it a lot. Many times I will lose my train of thought mid sentence and have to think before continuing. I feel very unconfident telling long stories and complicated jokes or quoting things from memory.

- I have difficulty responding to questions and other things quickly and find I have to think longer about it than most people would. eg. When I was younger people could catch me off guard by just saying something simple like 'hello' and I'd be stuck for a response for a few moments. Weird, right? I find it difficult thinking of things to talk about sometimes. It's easier to talk about things I know something about or have thought about before hand. Obviously this means I can't ad-lib very well. And to me, people who can do improv seem like they're from another planet! Before I studied it, I used to think that AS was *ONLY* a problem with 'social/speech reflexes'!

- I'm not really good with kids, but I think if they were mine I would be.

- I hate talking on the phone and always feel anxious before I call someone (anyone!). I think it's because of my speech and I'm worried about if I'll mess something up. It's worse than talking in person cos I don't have my body language to help me get my points across. Thing is being worried makes it more likely that I will mess up... It's not as bad as it used to be. Once I start speaking I feel better.

- I have this phobia of leaving messages on answering machines. I hate video cameras too. Once I had to talk in front of class and it was recorded and played back. I was horrified at how bad I sounded. But I was nervous so maybe I sound better normally.

- I have difficulty interacting with many people at once. I can't talk well in a group environment because I have trouble keeping up with the conversation and my attention span isn't that good and I often 'zone out'. One-on-one, I do MUCH better but it still depends on whether the person wants to talk back to me or not. I've been on long car trips with people and we've been able to speak almost the entire time about a whole range of topics. Other times I have nothing to talk about.

- Sometimes people comment on how quiet I am and it gets annoying. But usually they notice this in a group conversations. In conversations when there's an awkward silence I almost feel as though it's my fault and I should be saying more. That's even if I was the one doing most of the talking in the first place!

- Eye contact is a weird one for me. It depends how comfortable I am with the person. Like I can't look my parents in the eye but can with most other people I know. If it's a girl I like then I definitely can, probably cos I like looking at her anyway! Also, I find I don't lose my train of thought as often when I look at a wall or the floor. When I was younger I may have had more problems with it.

- I suck at talking to girls. I'm 25 and I've never had a girlfriend and never even been close. I got to the 2nd phone call once 3 years ago, that's the best I've done... pretty sad huh? We talked a fair while but I don't think she was really interested and was just being nice. In the last few years I haven't met anyone that I've been interested in so maybe I'm better now and just don't know it! Lack of confidence can also come from past experiences (none of them have been very good). Sometimes I could talk to a girl for a while and have a nice conversation but I still felt uncomfortable with parts of the conversation. All depends on if there's a lot to talk about and how responsive they are, I guess. If I feel really nervous I might as well not even bother talking to them at all cos they'll dislike me after the poor display it makes me put on. Again, I'm 25 now so girls closer to my age would be more understanding I guess. I'm sure the nervousness would go away if I knew that she really wanted to talk to me. I'm more attracted to the quiet girls so I have more trouble meeting and talking to them anyway.

- I don't know much about dating, but I think it's cos of lack of experience rather than anything else. I feel awful whenever I hear someone talking about their dating experiences, maybe it's jealously, who knows... It didn't bother me so much before but since I've gone so long without meeting anyone I can't handle hearing someone else talk about it. If I'd had good experiences with girls I probably wouldn't mention them cos I know there's people that don't wanna hear about them. See, there's me showing empathy!

- I'd like to get married one day and have children because I think I would be a loving and genuinely caring husband and father but I'm worried about genetics. If I do have AS and I'm likely to pass it on to my kids I'll always feel guilty about it. I don't think it's a decision I deserve to make for them even though knowing a lot about it will make it easier to understand them and make them comfortable. But I still don't know how it all works.


Tests I've done


- I did the AQ test recently that came up 'normal'. Not that this means anything cos my attitude has changed since I was younger. I started doing the kids version but I gave up cos I didn't remember enough. A few other tests I did showed me as 'NT' but I only did them recently.

- I did an EQ/SQ test when I was around 20ish which gave me a 'balanced brain'. A recent one I did gave a similar result.

- I'm part left and part right handed, is that related at all? Just thought that was interesting!

- Myers Briggs test gives me ISFP.

- My IQ is 126 from several tests.



So basically I'm trying to work out if I had AS or if I just lost all my confidence because I THOUGHT I had it. I know it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just that after the diagnosis I was made to feel really bad and different about it especially from my mother who couldn't stop going around telling everyone despite my protests. Maybe I have partial AS, or maybe I used to have it and somehow 'killed' it? Is that even possible? Maybe I have a speech problem and the rest is from low confidence and lack of experience? Maybe some experiences from my youth have caused social anxiety and that's all it is?

I'm well aware that I'm 'shy' sometimes, and also an introverted person but that doesn't necessarily mean I have AS. My parents and brother are/were the same way and so are some of my cousins, so it could just be a trait. Although... my mother acted really weird sometimes, and I think she has more AS related traits than I do. Sometimes she seems to lack empathy and when she was really into something like playing solitaire for hours she wouldn't talk to me very well. My dad is fairly normal though.

*MAYBE* AS is often misdiagnosed cos the criteria for having 'mild' AS is pretty stupid when you think about it. If you take out the special interest subject, lack of empathy and poor reading of social cues then how is it any different from being shy or just introverted like 50% of the population is? Many 'NT' people can still have trouble with social interaction. What's the difference between them and people with 'mild' AS? I can't work this out.

I'd like to hear from people who've had more experience and hear what they think about this. Also maybe I can help others out with my experiences if they sound familiar to anyone else. Feel free to ask any questions too.

Wow that ended up being really long! Anyways thanks for listening!

Son, son, son.

I am not sure how to respond so tolerate me while I try to pull words out of my head... I do not know how to address your post as I am in no way, shape or form a specialist in these matters. Aspergers is a fairly new word in my vocabulary, so I am not like many around here who have done extensive research on this topic, either... even if I was, I would still be hesitant to throw out my thoughts on this, as you are really the only one who knows what is what with you. The only thing I can say with certainty is that if you do have aspergers, you will always have it... Some people will pick up different tips and tricks in life and might seem to be less aspie at times, but aspergers is still there. You cannot 'kill' it

That being said, welcome to WrongPlanet.... Be you an aspie or not, I do hope you enjoy yourself here. Hopefully you can take some time and browse through the posts here. They are very informative and helpful. You might find yourself sifting through what other have said and see yourself in their words... you might not. It will likely help you to answer some of your questions though. This place is full of wonderful information and insight. It might help you find some clarity into whether you believe you have aspergers or not. If it is a question you seek a more definite answer to, you might want to see a specialist.

Again... welcome.

All I can really say is the teenage you, or you period seem almost exactly like myself, especially what you said about your speech, and the thing with talking on the phone. and I definitely have AS. You don't have to match all the criteria to be diagnosed, and the ones you do match up with, well, they don't have to be exact. The symptoms of AS are simply broad guidelines of what to look for when diagnosing.
Anyways, welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hey guys, thanks for the responses.

Sorry again about the length! I've never discussed this with anyone before so I had a lot to say.

I guess my main problem was about my kids. I feel fine and 'normal' most of the time but passing something like this on to my kids REALLY bothers me. I don't want anyone to go through what I did, especially not my own son or daughter. Having children is a goal in life for me and when I think about how I maybe shouldn't then I get all depressed. I sometimes think my mother shouldn't have had any children, maybe mine could form the same opinions about me?

Ah well maybe I won't have a chance to have kids anyway. I'm 25 and never met anyone. There's less people to meet now anyway. I kinda missed the boat on that one. I feel awful about opportunities I might have missed when I was younger.

There seems to be a ton of overlapping symptoms with Social Anxiety, Speech &Hearing disorders or Shyness (yep shyness is classified as a disorder now). James, you say you definitely have it. How do you know? Is the speech thing a main factor do you think?

And I'll check out some stuff here in the meantime, thanks for being so welcoming

ps. don't anyone be scared of telling me something I might not wanna hear. I get so much of that already that more of it... eh whats the difference.

Here's Johnny..

Then by all means you should. The world needs more loving and genuinely caring husbands and fathers.


I guess that's a personal decision, but if you really want to be a father some day, you shouldn't let a potentially hypothetical situation hold you back. I found out about AS when my son was 10 months old. I suppose he's too young for me to really know what kind of traits he got from me genetically (other than the ones we can visibly see, of course). If I had found out about AS before he came along, in no way would that have affected my decision to have him.



Tests I've done


- I did the AQ test recently that came up 'normal'. Not that this means anything cos my attitude has changed since I was younger. I started doing the kids version but I gave up cos I didn't remember enough. A few other tests I did showed me as 'NT' but I only did them recently.

- I did an EQ/SQ test when I was around 20ish which gave me a 'balanced brain'. A recent one I did gave a similar result.

- I'm part left and part right handed, is that related at all? Just thought that was interesting!

- Myers Briggs test gives me ISFP.

- My IQ is 126 from several tests.



So basically I'm trying to work out if I had AS or if I just lost all my confidence because I THOUGHT I had it. I know it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just that after the diagnosis I was made to feel really bad and different about it especially from my mother who couldn't stop going around telling everyone despite my protests. Maybe I have partial AS, or maybe I used to have it and somehow 'killed' it? Is that even possible? Maybe I have a speech problem and the rest is from low confidence and lack of experience? Maybe some experiences from my youth have caused social anxiety and that's all it is?

I'm well aware that I'm 'shy' sometimes, and also an introverted person but that doesn't necessarily mean I have AS. My parents and brother are/were the same way and so are some of my cousins, so it could just be a trait. Although... my mother acted really weird sometimes, and I think she has more AS related traits than I do. Sometimes she seems to lack empathy and when she was really into something like playing solitaire for hours she wouldn't talk to me very well. My dad is fairly normal though.

*MAYBE* AS is often misdiagnosed cos the criteria for having 'mild' AS is pretty stupid when you think about it. If you take out the special interest subject, lack of empathy and poor reading of social cues then how is it any different from being shy or just introverted like 50% of the population is? Many 'NT' people can still have trouble with social interaction. What's the difference between them and people with 'mild' AS? I can't work this out.

I'd like to hear from people who've had more experience and hear what they think about this. Also maybe I can help others out with my experiences if they sound familiar to anyone else. Feel free to ask any questions too.

Wow that ended up being really long! Anyways thanks for listening![/quote]

Really, they classify shyness as a disorder now? Wow..ok. lol But in response to your questions:

I was diagnosed when I was about 8, this is how I think. The way I am is how I know. I don't entirely know how to explain it, but if you would like me to elaborate, let me know and I will try.
The speech thing is cause by Social Anxiety, which is a disability in itself, but is also a byproduct of AS. I have similar problems to you when it comes to talking to people. I can carry on a conversation for hours with a good friend, but with a group I never really know what to say, or when the right time to say something is, so I tend to stay quiet. I absolutely hate calling people, and talking on the phone, and have lost a couple potential girlfriends because of this problem. I don't know if the speech thing is a deciding factor in any of this, but it is a factor.
Also, what you said about stopping yourself from doing things, because you didn't know if you were "allowed," I can completely relate with. Another thing that has put off potential girlfriends, but I digress. Every individual is different, which at times is what causes it to be so difficult to make a diagnosis.

I think the best way to figure out your dilemma is to do a little soul searching. Figure out who you are, without labels, and live your life as you would, and not as someone with AS.
Get what I mean? I hope so, lol

Hi Johnny

Welcome To



How, when, where,why and from what the world was formed, is unbelievable, believe me.

Kick back and enjoy the show, it's only just begun, and remember that intermissions are temporary.

So far humans are capable of the agreement that it was not built in a day, now the trick is to give them enough time to evolve the definition of a day, this requires time, and it will not happen within a day. Take it easy - it beats the alternative.

Do you mean you just 'felt' different from everyone else? If you wanna elaborate then that's ok but if you don't feel comfortable that's alright too.

Funny thing is the whole 'not allowed' feeling started AFTER I was diagnosed. I just didn't feel it before that. But after that I was going around thinking 'crap apparently I'm different from everyone else and they probably notice this' I started feeling really self conscious about it. I had been doing correspondence school for a year and a half with little contact with anyone due to depression so I woulda been behind in my social development plus i wasn't very outgoing to begin with. 14-15 are important years. If you miss em that can cause problems in itself. After diagnosis my parents went really easy on me with everything, probably making assumptions about things I could and couldn't handle. That would have slowed my development too.

Thinking about it, isn't the 'not allowed' thing all about social anxiety too? For me I was just worried about their reactions to me in particular, not whether it was an acceptable thing for someone to do or not. Buuut when it's to do with girls many many people have problems there. We're not alone! And... well, you know how girls are in high school. Unless you're really outgoing they don't have time for you at all. That was my experience anyway... Some spoke to me to be nice but it was obvious they weren't 'interested'. Maybe after a few conversations tell them you have trouble speaking in public or on the phone? If they don't understand that then you don't want em anyway! If they're nice people they'll appreciate the effort youve put in! Oh and if you're on the phone use a list of topics to talk about all written down. But only use them if theres a pause. Works really well!

Thanks for the advice tho. Good point about the labels.

Cheers