Dr.'s bug me...

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So last school year, I requested from my son's pych that we be referred to a centre about an hour away for an assessment of our son. To make sense out of all the things with him that aren't typically ADHD. (ie sensory issues, poor social skills, impaired ability to detect/understand sarcasm, figures of speech etc) His Dr. said "Sure, no problem" and gave use some forms to fill out that needed to be sent ahead of time. I was so excited, I thought it'd be great having a 'team' observe him, instead of just his psychiatrist, who does little more than prescribe meds.
I also wrote out a multitude of information describing his life from birth till now, and all the problems in between. When a woman from the centre called to confirm our appt, she made a reference to all the materials I sent being 'obsessive'. I laughed and said, you know, I think you may be onto something.

Anyway, months go by, the new school year begins, and I was stressing the meeting, only because there was a chance our son would have to live, eat, sleep and breath their for about 6 weeks for the full assessment, which I know he was not to thrilled about. In his mind, a 6 week absence from school to him means a whole lot of explaining when he gets back to school, which makes him uncomfortable.

I included all the relevent information about myself that I could think of. My own sensory & social issues, my Aspergers score of 136/200... etc etc.

So, we get there, sign in and eventually, a Dr. comes out to greet us and describes himself as Dr. Such&such Psychiatrist. We spent about an hour discussing things with this Dr. He was making a lot of jokes, either it's in his nature, or he was testing us, I'm not too sure, but I was feeling agitated that yet again, it seemed like we were dancing around that issues that brought us there in the first place. He was asking us about phobias and if our son had any extreme fears. He asked if he was afraid of bees. I said yes, he hates them, and so do I! The Dr. then proceeded to ask "Why would you be afraid of a wasp, they don't want to hurt you..." I told him I am afraid of them because unpredictably, they've been known to sting. He carried on trying to have me become 'one' with bees. I explained to him that at least I HAVE a reason to be scared, I was stung by a nest as a child, and learned very quickly to steer clear of them. He asked why they attacked me and I told him that my brother threw a rock at the nest. He then told me that THAT was my brothers fault, not the bees, and that perhaps I should be afraid of HIM. Do you always listen to your brother he asked? "Not since he committed suicide 3 years ago, I responded. That pretty much ended the whole bee psychology 101.

Anyway, he went on to tell us that if his Sensory issues would have been addressed much eralier it would have been good, because the school board would have owed him occupational therapy to deal with these. He says it will be in his report that also goes to the school, and that we should follow up to make sure our boy's recieving it. He said he's not going to worry about his social issues, that the ADHD, anxiety and sensory issues are the biggest concerns. He said QUOTE "I'm not considering Autism, T's too polite." I almost choked! Our son was bouncing all over the place from the moment we walked through his door. Interrupting the Dr to ask if we can stop to get donuts on the way home, etc.

As far as me being Aspergers? He said he highly doubts that because I understand humor. Somehow, I'm guessing that me smiling at a person who believes themself to be funny, translated to him that I understood his humor. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. I understand that when people are laughing, even when I feel like I have no clue what about, it's easier to just chuckle and nod, rather than ask them to explain themselves in detail.

All I know now, is that I feel like we just blew our last shot. I feel like I blew by not standing up for what I believed. I blew it by becoming that smiling nodding creature that I become, when I don't know how to express myself functionally.

I feel like there are FAR TOO MANY politics in having my son appropriately diagnosed based on what's going on in HIS life. For example, it's funny that this psychiatrist saw soooo many sensory issues (all based on my written info and by observation) enough to diagnose him with sensory integration dysfunction, yet his teacher from last year, who filled out some forms checked off NONE of the ones relating to sensory issues..... which made me feel like it was a means to protect the board, from having to offer more services. And at the same times, getting referred BY a psychiatrist to a centre where no team saw my son, only one MORE psychiatrist. Nope, no invite to have him stay to be assessed. Just another psych doc telling me that he's ADHD, Anxiety, and Sensory disordered. Oh well, at least they owe him something for his senses. Other than that, he told us to treat the ADHD with stimulants regardless of our sons developed tics, and begin treating the tics with Risperidone.


And here I am, still feeling like I've lost my mind. And here my son is, still not recieving at age 12, the support he needs in school.

Thanks for listening, just a vent I guess.

Oh, and since I'm trying to practice gratitude, I guess I should be thankful that the Dr. offered us his business card for when my son's current psychiatrist retires. He said "I don't think your son will require long term psychiatric care." I told him that I didn't think so either, so long as he gets what he needs now.... which is a mystery in the works.

My executive dysfunction makes it all too much to wrap my mind around. I don't even know what the hell to do anymore.

I get the same way when dealing with people like that... mainly because I am really unsure of how to disagree with something that someone with a "title" position once they say something.

I take it too easily when they tell me no, or when they send me elsewhere, never put up a fight, just go to the next place like a ping pong ball or something... except it seems to be a neverending back and forth, or I find myself stuck in the middle of the table, unable to move past a certain point because nobody has literally told me EXACTLY what I have to do.

It's quite frustrating to deal with any of them, and equally irritating that they all basically learn the same things right? So why are there SOOOO many different opinions of what things are and are not?

It's mind boggling to me... as you said, very hard to wrap the mind around.

I do have one question... did you ask the doctor what the hell being afraid of bees had to do with your son's assessment possibilities?

In a weird way, it almost makes me think he made up his mind before he even saw you guys and was just looking for things to talk about to pass the time he was required to spend with you guys? Like, maybe he thought your stuff was so extensive because you WANT a diagnosis for your son rather than needing it. The only reason I infer that is simply because it had NOTHING to do with why you were there, lol, yet he wasted your time with it all the same. I didn't think docs and people in those positions were supposed to be filling appointments with "small talk" or things that just plain don't pertain to what someone is there for.

I know, it's irritating-my son's ped has treated me like that from day one. As if it's something I just simply want rather than something my son needs. I really don't know what they are looking for or are expecting, but it's irritating to deal with regardless.

Hi,
I'm afraid I personally that I cannot offer much comfort except what you are going through sounds very much like what I have been dealing with. I too, am at wits end, have grown to hate the medical profession and everyone who is supposedly an "expert" at my son's school. Can't someone just listen and DO something that will be helpful!! !!

We should all stick together here, perhaps we will be able to piece a good life for our kids somehow just through perseverance. BTW, I don't think what you did was obsessive at all, just educated! I think many psych people are threatened by people who might possibly know more than they do. Same DEFINITELY for school administration.

Urg, sorry if my own ranting is not helpful. But I do feel your pain!

The reasons given sound very problematic; plenty of people with AS understand humour, plenty of people with AS are polite (some can be rigidly so). I would suggest you request the doctor put their findings and their reasoning in writing, then you can choose whether to take the matter up further with them.

The Dr did say that he would be sending us a report, I'm hoping that will clarify his reasoning. I was shocked about the polite comment. My son is quiet and apprehensive when put on the spot, which can appear polite, but then it usually ends up silly. I know that from my experience on these boards, I've seen quite a bit of shared humor. And no one has treated me unfairly or impolitely. It didn't seem an accurate way to assess Aspergers or Autism. As someone else pointed out, it seemed he had his answers planned before he even came out and got us. What bothers me is that it seems that maybe because my son's getting older they treat it more and more like a dignosis isn't that important. This Dr. stated just that .. the diagnosis isn't important, getting your son the appropriate help for his attention and sensory issues is. .....um .....yeah Dr. Such&such, I think that's what I've been seeking since about junior kindergarten???
I'm pretty sure that's why I've come to a research institute.. I GET that point! My point remains... without official diagnoses, what therapies will he recieve? Grrrr frustrating. Do you think I could muster that up while I was sitting there though? Nope, not a chance, I was too busy trying to follow his theory about my son having a triangle of issues...

Yeah, I've definitely got some trust issues with both the schools and doctors. It's hard because every visit, I go in hoping not to let my own distrust dictate the outcome. About 4 years ago, he was assessed (psycho-educational) and was diagnosed ADHD with a learning disability in expressive language. This Dr. said that whomever is working with Trent, really needs to get him to "buy in" to the plan, that he's failure sensitive. I remeber it was made clear that the more people and activity going on, the worse he would do. 2 weeks later, I get a call from the school, he had an incident. His teacher (who makes it VERY clear that her son is ADHD, yet so well behaved) decided to combine 2 grade 4 classes together for music. So now, instead of the 30 kid competition, he's in there among up to 60 kids. The music was loud, the kids were all singing and dancing, and my little angel, who was placed up front close to the teacher, got sidetracked and was later found to have carved the letters FU into the side of the bottom of her desk. They said "we've already dealt with him at school, there's no need to discipline him for it at home..." and all I could think was "YOU GUYS need the discipline! What on earth would make you think he could handle that whole atmosphere with his behaviour in tact?" ....again, all I said was "....ok" and apologized for the damage to the desk......

We definitely should all stick together. And I appreciate your ranting, at least I know someone else out there understands.

A triangle of issues, mmm, interesting given that Autism is defined as a cluster of impairments within a particular triad (or triangle) of domains.

Some describe ASDs as “child hood” conditions which is as sensible as describing Down’s Syndrome as a “child hood” condition. ASDs are life long and if you suspect that it is no less important whether or not your son has an ASD, now than it was 1, 2, or 5 years ago, you are completely correct.

Haha! Sorry, I cannot help but to laugh, because my son has done similar, if not worse... maybe nothing permanent on any piece of furniture, but he mooned the entire class in one incident and told them all to "f--- off!" in another.

I would NEVER ever refer to him as a little angel, lol... he is a child, just like any other child, but with a few more issues. But he didn't really get into too much trouble for it either, because the teacher set it up to happen, allowed it to progress, and ultimately... well, I've told her before how to deal with him.

As my mom said a while back, my son does just fine academically no matter what is going on, so he's going to pass either way. It's up to the teacher at this point whether or not she wants to work with him and have her class go smoothly, or ignore things he needs that I've told her about and allow her class to become a circus.

This is exactly what happens to me and how I feel. It happens to my son too, which is what I think makes him appear polite. He's so agreeable when he's on the spot.


I'm totally stuck. I've often said to people that maybe what I really need is a life coach or something. Someone to help walk us through while trying to learn some skills.



Haha... no, I didn't ask him about the bees. I even think I may have been responsible for guiding that conversation a bit. He did start off asking if my son had any phobias, he listed a bunch, including bees, and I piped up about them. However, I certainly felt like he was wasting his time with the whole psychology of it. I mean, I have a lot of anxiety myself, and four years of panic attacks behind me, i get the whole concept of unrealistic fears, and confronting them. I'm not an idot, I don't squeel and scream when bees are around. I don't swing at them or do anything to piss them off, but I CHOOSE to have a healthy dose of fear based on the fact that they sting, and stings HURT! I remove myself from bees, whenever they are around. I step and squirm away and my heart races. I don't go running inside or completely loose control, I simply get myself out of their path. I submit to bees. I thought it was weird that when I brought up my brothers death, something that may have actually HAD a psychological impact on our family, he had nothing to say.

Our pediatrician was the same way. I felt like yeah buddy, I want to pay $800 so my kid can have fillings put into his teeth under general anesthetic at the hospital, due to the fact that even now, at 12, he STILL cannot handle being completely overwhelmed at the dentist. I really WANT him to be centred out on the playground as the boy who walks around by himself, playing in his own little world. I really WANT him to take it all personally when his Papa sarcastically says "Get a haircut!". I'm sure he really WANTS his relationships to be odd with others due to social misunderstandings. We really LOVE for him to be socially and emotionally immature........... get real!

It was funny, when the doctor came out to the waiting room to bring us upstairs, we had to take an elevator up to his office. When he asked about phobias, I asked "Didn't you notice how he hesitated to get on the elevator?" He said "No, I didn't see that..." Obviously, you weren't even looking for it when that was in the papers I'd sent him too.

Argh! How frustrating... especially since part of it all was supposed to be observing your son's reactions to things right? lol. Bizarre.

Yep, it is frustrating. We assumed this would be the first of at least several meetings. They diagnose and recommend treatment for kids with ASD, PDD-NOS, Tourette's, RAD, Bipolar etc. We really had ourselves excited, like we may figure something out (which we did, we finally had a doctor acknowledge his sensory issues). I felt like at the end of the meeting, my senses were overloaded. That's I think why I'm regretting not being able to get some points across. It felt like a lot of information to absorb in an hour, especially when in that hour, my son distracted me at least 10 different times... too much. Maybe the Dr. was just seeing his poor impulse control and that over rode everything else.. I dunno. I don't doubt whatsoever that he's got an attention deficit, or that he's hyperactive with poor impulse control, I just wanted to look at everything, the whole picture. I told the doctor how we can be walking down the street and the sound of a motorcycle speeding by really startles him and the doctor basically said that motorcycles startle a lot of people, but when it happens with our son, he's immediately startled and it angers him or frustrates him. Then he has a verbal war with himself of how stupid it is to drive a bike like that so fast, then it's "God, why don't the cops pull that guy over!??" ....sort of like it's obvious that he's melted down because of his strong inability to reason in those moments. I know with him, if it's something he doesn't like, or doesn't want to do, I have to present the idea and then usually let him digest and protest for a good 5 -10 minutes before he can begin to see reason. There's not a thing I can say during a melt down that will even get absorbed.

Yep, my son and I both do that... I do it when the neighbors are outside talking at night a LOT... fixating on the fact that it is bothering me, to the point that I cannot see how it couldn't be bothering everybody else as well, then I start thinking about how rude it is for them to be talking about things outside at that time of night anyway... then I start thinking that if they keep going past a certain time at night, I could call and complain disturbance of the peace....

Just a lot of fixating on it and inability to focus on ANYTHING besides that for the time being.

Then... they go inside, I vent for a while and fixate it some more, and all of a sudden it's like it never happened and something else distracts me, lol.