Is being fake a social skill?

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I'm just wondering. Creating a false impression seems to be something my family are rather good at, and I suspect many others too. I know this is a tactic my family uses because they say certain unpleasant things about someone and then, when in the company of that person, they carry on in a totally different way to which you would expect.

I'm not saying they should be absolutely rude and horrible to the person, but if you have so much against them, why behave like you actually like the person, when deep down you don't?

A fake courtesy is what I call it. I guess being two faced is one the things you need to be good at, in order to survive in the outside world. My problem is that I am no good at being fake. If I don't like someone, I won't be rude to them, but i won't act as if I'm their friend. It's just too much of an act. Despite this behaviour seemingly being an asset, I'm glad I don't use it as much, if at all as others do.

What do you guys think?

No & Yes

Being "fake" and "two-faced" are sociopathic traits.

yes it is a skill to be fake

Yep, being fake is among the social skills we NTs ought to master.

'Fake it until you can make it': Alcoholics Anonymous

A former colleague 'in recovery' once told me that; 'life is all about going through the motons, and sometimes that means dissembling'?

I would have to say that it is. And, I don't mean fake as in pretending to like someone when you don't, but assuming a whole variety of patterns in body language, speech, etc. Sometimes I think it's a bit like running across a bloody shapeshifter...

There are people that I don't care for very much. I don't make a habit of talking behind their backs to the point where it is a hobby. In the privacy of my home and to my family, I might voice the odd frustration I have with a less-than-liked person, but that's about it.

As for being "fake" when I am with said person. I will always be cordial. There is no sense alienating people.

I'll give a more concrete example...

Let's say I am with a large group at church or something. I don't like "mary jane" very much, but she is a part of this social circle. I think that "mary jane" is a bit judgmental and shallow. She is sometimes catty to me or others. I may voice some frustration to my husband, in my home. However, in church, I remember that mary jane has family, friends and acquaintances in this group. I genuinely like some of the group members, but mary jane is annoying. If mary jane is at a function, I will not be rude to mary jane. I will not purposely exclude her. I will not be "catty" to her. I will be cordial (although I certainly won't share a much information about myself). I will not send her a Christmas card, but I will smile politely and say "hello" when she enters the room. The problem with being completely rude is that I will alienate other people in the group. Also, I don't like it when people are rude to me - why would I go out of my way to be rude to others.

I don't consider my attitude or behavior to be two faced - it is merely civil.

It's a skill and a part of survival. I don't always know what being "real" or "fake" mean though. The lines blur. I don't believe in a concept of singular identity.

Being fake is THE social skill. A-number one, top 'o' the heap. Without that skill, everyone would be open, honest and up front. Lying and cheating would become a lost art. Society would crumble and anarchy would rule.

The world economy would come to a grinding halt. How would you ever sell anything without misrepresentation? If world leaders didn't falsify their true intentions, global war would be constant and never ending.

Most humans are dumbfounded by blunt honesty. They simply can't wrap their minds around it. In fact, repeated exposure to it generally causes them to react with hostility, probably because they're looking for a hidden agenda that isn't there, and that develops into paranoia.

I think to us it appears that it is fake, but really a lot of the things people do feel/seem very real to them, or are just automatic things they do-instinct. So I don't think they really think it through as "I don't like this person but I'm going to be nice anyway because I don't want to make an enemy"... I think that they just automatically go to comfort people or be nice to them, and later might vent about how they really didn't want to do that, or realize that they didn't like that person that much.