Anyone else referred to as a child almost constantly?

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anxiety25
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13 Oct 2009, 7:31 am

I've noticed a lot lately, that when people talk to me, they use "hun" and "darling" a lot when trying to reassure me about things, then they kind of dumb down what they are saying, or act like they are teaching me some life lesson.

I'm almost 30, and I even hear this from people younger than me at times! I understand in some cases, it's a term of endearment, so to speak... but people who talk about me plenty behind my back, or have never met me before do it, too.

I wonder if they just pick up on the emotional immaturity as I'm talking to them, or if it's because my voice just sounds much younger than I am most of the time.... or maybe just because I seem so naive about things. Whatever it is, it can be quite annoying after a while...

So does anyone else deal with this on a regular basis?


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zeldapsychology
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13 Oct 2009, 9:18 am

I get this aswell you aren't the only one. I've grown to like it since IMO it's kind of sweet I rather be talked to as a child then rudely as an adult.



superboyian
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13 Oct 2009, 9:19 am

I get that all the time.... Especially back when I was back at school, I had it much worse, especially with the teachers. Then again I was in a special needs school for pretty much most my life i could pretty much say... They treated me like I was a 10 year old kid and I would always hate that.....
Even now I still get referred as a child and I've just turned 18 not so long ago... I do have a face of a young teen, maybe it could be why?
Especially when people find out about my autism, they sometimes without even realizing that i'm an young adult now.

So basically yes, some of the times i have to deal with it.


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anxiety25
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13 Oct 2009, 9:23 am

zeldapsychology wrote:
I get this aswell you aren't the only one. I've grown to like it since IMO it's kind of sweet I rather be talked to as a child then rudely as an adult.


I would rather it at times, but I still find it rather odd... and it's definitely frustrating when I'm trying to carry on a serious conversation with another adult and hear, "hun, this is what you need to do..." or something of that nature.


superboyian wrote:
Even now I still get referred as a child and I've just turned 18 not so long ago... I do have a face of a young teen, maybe it could be why?


That could be my problem as well. I look pretty young. About the only reason I don't get carded for things is because I have the kiddos with me a lot of the time... without them I get all kinds of questions from people.


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Blindspot149
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13 Oct 2009, 9:26 am

Infant, never child (I wish) :lol:



Acacia
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13 Oct 2009, 9:37 am

Yeah, I've noticed this too.
It seems like when I come across certain people, they sense that something is up with me; that I'm maybe a bit unstable, shy, afraid, and so forth. Like a cowering child. I can imagine that this perception of a person triggers a compassionate emotional response in some people, and they speak as if they were adressing a child... gently, slowly, nicely... something like this:

anxiety25 wrote:
they use "hun" and "darling" a lot when trying to reassure me about things, then they kind of dumb down what they are saying, or act like they are teaching me some life lesson.

I think it's a natural response that some people have. I'm sure they aren't trying to be condescending or rude.


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anxiety25
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13 Oct 2009, 9:45 am

Yeah, I kind of expect it out of other females actually, as a lot of us have that nurturing instinct whether we have kids or not, lol. But it's when males start doing it that it really makes me look more closely at myself.

I don't think I've ever taken it as rude... but rather curious instead.

Granted, my reaction would make someone think I took it as rude most likely, lol, but it's just hard for me to feel like I'm being taken seriously when someone says that.


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Nightsun
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13 Oct 2009, 10:52 am

I had the opposite problem (probably because I was the typical "Little Professor"). Also when I was 3-4 y-old everyone blamed me if I had child-like behavior because I was "too intelligent to don't understand that".


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anxiety25
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13 Oct 2009, 11:01 am

Nightsun wrote:
I had the opposite problem (probably because I was the typical "Little Professor"). Also when I was 3-4 y-old everyone blamed me if I had child-like behavior because I was "too intelligent to don't understand that".


They do that to my son a lot. :roll:

Them: "Why does he scream like that?"

Me: "I think he's having trouble expressing himself."

Them: "But he can talk!"

Me: "Why don't you ask him?"

Them: "I don't want to ask because it might make him scream more."

...it's like they expect him to behave differently due to his level of intelligence, but only if they are talking to ME. If I tell them to ask him something or try to find out, then they get all weird about him...

Pretty much, like they believe that he is having trouble expressing himself, but don't want to admit it... yet when I tell them to ask him, they avoid it.


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13 Oct 2009, 12:49 pm

i get this on regular basis :?


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Khandri
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13 Oct 2009, 1:17 pm

I've gotten this too, but most of the time, it's from people who don't likely know about my having AS. When I was working, people would keep calling me (in usually a very condescending manner) "miss," "little lady," "little girl," and just "girl," among other things. They would also often make other condescending comments, treating me as if I'm stupid and/or inferior to them...like I'm some little kid. Even though I'm an adult and not too far away from 30 myself. Male or female, it didn't seem to make much difference, because they both did it. It drove me up the wall, and there was never a way to tell these people to stop.

I've also been having to see an orthodontist lately, and he insists on calling me "dear" or "sweetie" or some other condescending term like that as if I'm just another one of his kid patients. Now I know orthodontists generally work with kids and teens, but considering that my date of birth on my charts would clearly indicate that I'm an adult, it comes off as very creepy to me, and I haven't the first clue how to tell him not to use these terms around me. The only people who I'm comfortable with using such terms of endearment (for lack of a better term) are my family and my boyfriend, and they really don't even use them anyway.

Yes, I look a bit younger than my actual age, but it doesn't give you the right to treat me like a child!



pineapple
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13 Oct 2009, 10:23 pm

You might appreciate this story:
I'm 25. My mom had an art show recently and I was there talking to her. A woman approached me and asked if any of the art was mine; I said no. She responded..."Well, all children are artists." I must have had a shocked look on my face because she quickly said, "Not that you're a child." Uh-HUH... :roll:

I feel like some people call everyone "hon"; it might not be an age thing.



poopylungstuffing
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13 Oct 2009, 10:27 pm

yes.. very frequently...more pronounced when I am hanging out with my folks...



Age1600
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14 Oct 2009, 12:43 am

omgosh yes, they call me darling too haha, i love it, they pat my head, have the high pitch voice, say what a big girl you are, call me their little buddy etc, im so use to it its unbelievable and ill be 25. I kinda expect it now, i even play hide and go seek and they giggle with me, they treat me like im 3, its weird.


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14 Oct 2009, 12:57 am

Yeah... I kind of like it, so I play into it a little. XD But it also depends who I'm with. Some of my friends don't treat me like that. But those friends are immature, so we're equals, LOL.


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TiredGeek
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15 Oct 2009, 9:44 pm

I never got the cutesy stuff, probably 'cause I always look serious.

I do get condescending stuff all the time though, and I know it's because I come off as naive even if I do know what's going on. There's always somebody trying to "teach me some life lesson" that a 10 yr. old would know. It mainly infuriates me when its a family member who should know me better than that. I can understand if its some NT who doesn't know me, then it's just creepy.