First Real Melt-Down In Years

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First, I started popping the anxiety meds last night so right now I feel like I'm just coasting through the day...

I was ironing curtains last night (long, uninteresting story). I was in the habit of checking on the dogs I had left in the back yard about every 20-30 minutes. (Clarification we have a black lab mix we rescued from the animal shelter November of last year and a puppy (unknown breed and age) we were "fostering" for about a month.)
DUring one of my check-ins I noticed that a new hole had been dug in the yard and a recently-potted ivy was in shreds all over the patio.
I turned and yelled at the older dog which in turn sent her running- I guess she was either running for cover or thought I was joining in the fun. Either way she bull-dozed right through/over the puppy and the nightmare ensued.
The puppy shrieked, limped away and hobbled to the ground.
As it turns out the puppy's hind right leg was fractured in two places. I stayed with her on the floor all night, her tucked under the bed and me just petting her in hopes she could get some rest before seeing the vet in the morning.

About a month ago our bigger dog, Maddie, did pretty much the same thing when she was playing- only I was outside with them when it happened. During that incident the puppy got knocked in the head and broke one of her puppy teeth. Only just today is the vet saying that the puppys' lower jaw was also fractured as well.

When thy called me this morning there was a very different tone to the vet. She said that she thought it was best if the puppy were removed from what they considered an unsafe and hostile environment. She never came out and accused me of doing anything wrong, but I could hear it in her voice. I'd been trying to find the puppy a good home for over a week now and to have it turn out like this has sent me right over the edge, straight from hysterical crying to utter silence.

I accept that the puppy was injured (perhaps badly) while in my care and that is something I can barely wrap my head around since I think of myself as a compassionate person towards animals.
I accepted the bills and paid them without hesitation because it's a responsibility I asked for.
I am emotionally devestated that I failed to protect the puppy.

So I went and had myself a epic meltdown.

I don't blame you. I'd have had a meltdown, too. Is the puppy going to be okay?

A big clumsy dog can hurt a small, fragile one... I guess in the future, it will be a matter of either fostering only large dogs that your dogs can't hurt, or if you foster a small one, keeping it separated from your dogs.

They were right to take the pup; it WAS a dangerous environment. But that doesn't make it any easier on you. If you haven't had a meltdown in a while, you may have forgotten (in which case I'll remind you) that you need recovery time, by yourself most likely, to recharge before your brain starts working coherently again... This is important. There's not much that should take precedence over getting yourself back to equilibrium, whether that takes hours or days...

Hang in there, OK?

A good meltdown once in a while is healthy, IMO. Hope things get better for you.

Thank you for the thoughts.
I just faxed back the papers signing the puppy over the the vet- I can't even bring myself to leave the house much less go back to the vet for a 3rd time today.

I'm sure Emmy will be happy and healthy with whomever she is placed- I'm just so miserable that my small part in her life was as horrible as I'm thinking it was.

There is a backstory to all this:

Emmy was found by a couple of women leashed in an alley. Emmy had been spray-painted in red with what was reported to be gang signs. She was terribly malnurished and had a large infection on her neck from a recent wound.
Because gangs and grafitti are a current hot-topic here Emmy made it to the evening news which is where I learned about her. I called the station, made contact with he finders and took her home shortly after.
I immediately took her to the vet and the problems mounted: Infection, worms, vaccines, antibiotics, you name it, I took care of it.
I kept Maddie and Emmy seperate for the time it takes for the worm medication to be completed, and then only when we were home and "around" did we let tham play together. Obviously I was ill-advised to let them play together at all.
I guess the whole thing was a mistake and now I've let her get hurt again.
I suck.

I'm really sorry to hear about what happened, and how you were treated by the Vet. You were trying to do the right thing by taking the dog to see a vet, and they turn it around on you like you are at fault. (As a side note, the show "Curb Your Enthusiasm" has lots of situations in which the main characters' intentions are misunderstood.... in fact that is the whole show. I identify with it a lot, and it's also really funny, if you haven't seen it.)

Sorry for all of the antecdotes, but I also knew a lady who had Doberman Pinschers and one jumped over the other, landed on it's back, and paralyzed the older dog. She ended up having to put her paralyzed dog to sleep. These kinds of things happen, but I know that doesn't make it any easier, and I hope you feel better.

As a veterinary nurse at an animal emergency clinic and other day time hospitals for 15 years i can tell you that it was uncalled for for them to do what they did. I can only guess that they thought the recovery would be too difficult without total isolation from large dogs. Also the fact that this was a publicized high profile case probably made the difference. If this was not so connected to a public fostering case you would still have that puppy. This WAS NOT your fault and i completely sympathize with you and i would have had a meltdown too. I used to work at a humane society myself so really i know how they think.

Yeah, you should keep fostering--only just take big dogs that your own oafish canines can't hurt.

Wow, that's pretty terrible. D: Definitely meltdown-worthy.
But it sounds to me like you did WAY more good things for the puppy that outweigh those two unfortunate accidents.