Where do people with AS fit in the most?

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Throughout my life, I've traveled to several cities in the U.S. Each one, I noticed, had it's own vibe. Las Vegas, with its scenic desert views mixed in with the lights and action on the Strip, was like being in a different country. My month-long stay in New York was like living on another planet as it was extremely fast paced, loud and unforgiving of those who weren't.

In New York, people found my shyness more worthy of disrespect than someone who's spent time in prison and a sign of unintelligence. It was a cardinal sin, it seemed, not to be brazen and out-going. Even supervisors who interviewed me for jobs would flat out tell me if I didn't change my personality, showing the smallest amount of timidness, I would never get employment. Where I grew up down South, politeness was the most valued trait. However, in NY, it was almost a sign of weakness, which was quite a cultural shock.

Are there just some communities that are unhealthy for people on the spectrum and may hold back their potential just because they happened to be living in the wrong environment? And are there places that can be havens for autistic people looking for acceptance and the right place to flower? After all, if you put a plant in soil that isn't the right kind, it'll never grow to full size. Maybe the most important element for the survival of people with AS/HFA is being planted in the correct environment for personal growth.

I voted MY personal preference but to each his own.

Yeah, what Serissa said. Personal taste is a big factor.

Personally I do much better in large fast-paced environments than slow laid-back ones. In southeast USA, I didn't like the general attitude of friendliness, where you're expected to say hi even to total strangers, strike up a conversation with the bus driver or store clerk, etc. I've never lived in New York but I think I'd like it, because it would be easy to disappear into a crowd. I'd actually kind of like being forced to take an aggressive demeanor, because I reflect my environment and I consider it a useful pattern. The larger the city, the more statistically likely it is to find groups of people with common interests. I like anonymity because of how easy it makes it to switch environments and "start over" without having to encounter any people or places from the previous environment. And I like environments where it's respected if you try hard, instead of inviting scorn and bafflement like in a more laid-back society. The thought of being doomed to spend the rest of your life with whatever small tribe you were born into is about as depressing to me as the thought of marriage.

I prefer the anonymity of a large conurbation. My folks live in the sticks (small and rural ) everybody knows everything about everyone else, and feels the right to nose about. Also, since I don't drive, having easy access to large stores (especially bookshops) is a major advantage of cities (when I worked in the centre of London, I was able to walk everywhere).

Ive lived in and around London for most of my life. I have developed quite a love/hate relationship with London now I live about 200 miles away from it there are things i certainly miss about such a large metropolis and things i certainly don't miss (the pollution and dirt for a start)

I would say from my experiances of travelling that like nirrti_rachelle has identified each city has its own kind of personal flavour and experiance to it. I guess maybe rather then compare the size of a city maybe it would be a good idea to list cities we have had quite positive experiances in. I think what makes a city is the people not neccesarily the place. Culture has a huge impact on a place for me

Cities I have enjoyed staying in/living in:

Toronto
Montreal
London (ontario)
Rotterdam
Dijon
Glasgow
Zurich

Cities I have despised/can't stand:

Rome
Naples
Cairo
Detroit
Buffalo
Paris
Barcelona
Utrecht

I always thought this was an interesting topic. On the one hand, for those whose sensory sensitivity symptoms are more pronounced than others, huge cities have lots of noise, bright lights, and it would be harder to control the sensory environment. On the other hand, not only is it likely to find groups of people with common interests, but also, there are more "systems of society" around (the transit systems, the street and electrical grids, etc.) which a very large percentage of aspies have their special interests based on.

I agree that it's really one's own preference, and there is no particular best place for every aspie.