Practical v. intuitive/intellectual social skills

Post Reply New Topic

Upon being diagnosed, i was told that I lack interpersonal skills. However, I feel that I might know a lot more about people on both intuitive and intellectual levels compared with my ability to actually apply my social knowledge when interacting with the world. Are there any of you that feel the same way, or feel similarly?

On an intellectual level, whenever being asked about why a person could have done something, or why some people seem to behave the way they do, I seem to have at least fairly good insight. A few times I have received compliments that I have good insight. In college, I majored in psychology and it was a breeze. I got A's and B's.

On an intuitive level, it seems like I have ESP, or something similar to that. Often, I could tell the type of things that people I'm interacting with are thinking about, and I can tell their overall state of being before they even mention things to me. In one of my psychology classes, I raised my hand and asked or stated something. Then after class the instructor's assistant told me how impressed my instructor was. He said that I stated exactly what she was going to say. From what I remember, I think I might have even came close to even wording it the same. There was someone who once told me that I have X-ray eyes.

However, on a practical level, I don't seem to be very good at applying social knowledge when trying to get a desired result when interacting with others. (I hope this sounds like it makes sense.) I am not that good at convincing people. I also get taken advantage of, controlled, and manipulated easily. I let it go on for a while because it takes me a while to figure out I'm not being treated right. I do ok in social situations if I can make comparisons with previous past experiences. But, in social situations that are completely new, I will often mess up if I'm not given advice on how to act or if there are no analogies to previous experiences that I can make. After college, when interviewing for the 1st time, I would wear sneakers and jewelery. One time I almost went in with a T-shirt. (Then I got advice and changed the way I dressed.) Also, when I read my evaluation from the school psychologist from my high school, it was noted that my peers said that I was lacking in interpersonal skills. My psychologist that diagnosed me with AS in college never even saw that evaluation.

Anyway, how are your practical social skills compared with your intuitive and/or intellectual social skills?

My intellectual knowledge of how people work is fairly decent, because I've done a lot of observing.
My social intuition does not exist.
My social skills in practice... if I've memorised a social rule, I can apply it within the context in which I've learned it, but it takes a bit of work to generalise rules to different contexts, and if I'm overwhelmed for whatever reason, everything becomes exponentially more difficult.

Well, for me, my dad just sort of taught me this stuff (I'm 13 & pretty sure I have AS, but I haven't told my dad). When I have to deal with complex situations at school, I tend to notice my differences from NTs, but in basic things like dealing with relatives, etc, my dad pretty much just pounded into my things like smile and say hello or say that you like school, etc with endless repetition. So I guess you could say that I have almost no intuitive skills, I have some intellectual skills, and my practical ones are decent just by my dad teaching me how to talk to strangers, and my classmates playing the game "Teach Anne how to act normal" (Yes, really), but I don't do well in new situations.

I'm good at analyzing things. I can sit here behind my computer and say "maybe this, maybe that" theorize about motivations, etc.. but it's all just a logical, theoretical analysis. It's not like actually being able to do anything in those situations. Sometimes it makes it even worse because either people get the idea that I understand stuff because I analyze it, or I think I understand something when I don't.

I'm not sure if I have the same, since for me it's more a thing about theoretical vs. practical. Like, when in college, I also majored in psychology, and I aced the theoretical communication skills tests (where they asked "what would be the appropriate response to ___"), but failed the practical ones wher eyou actually had to have a discussion with a hypothetical client. I am not sure, however, whether I can sense people's feelings or intentions or the like. I don't think I'm good with that.

Many Aspie learn with time theory of mind in a cognitive level. I think it's not uncommon, there are many psicologist/Aspie

I can relate as well. On an intellectual level I know what is expected in social scenarios, I just am pathetic at the practical follow-through. I, too, have difficulty on the tests where they ask about appropriate responses in social situations. I know the appropriate response, so I select it. This however leads the tester to believe I also have the ability to act appropriately. I don't.