Parents assumed Dx

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When my little bro was diagnosed with autism, on my advice by the way, my mum came home and told me that in her opinion my bro being autistic proved that I had AS (I was approximately 14-15 at the time). We went through the list of 15 diagnostic criteria and agreed that I probably had about 9 of them (my brother had 13). I immediately wanted to be diagnosed and have it officially checked out but they wouldn't do it. It felt like my parents wanted to be able to label anything they didn't like about me on AS but they weren't willing to let me have the satisfaction of actually knowing officially.

I was just wondering if anyone else had a similar situation?

(btw On the advice of a friend who has kids on the spectrum I've been on the waiting list for a Dx for the past six months as I really do just want the confirmation)

Maybe it was a concern about school, or insurance, or something like that? Like they felt that you had it to some degree, but that the official label might cause problems?

I think many parents don't want at least one kid to leave the nest, kind of like and old age homecare insurance. They pick the one with obvious limitations (social, mental) and try not to do too much to alleviate the problems (get kid diagnosed) because it might mean steps are taken to fix it which means losing their child to the world.

Never even heard of the term autism till in my 20s (from some TV movie) but the mental picture I had didn't suggest milder forms such as AS (which I only learned about a couple of years ago) and only really got a mental picture from Jerry on Boston Legal.

Not knowing meant excessive social drinking as well as private, now realized as a form of self-medication. But that only led to accelerate social isolation during sober periods, when others engaged in serious pursuits.

To be fair a diagnosis earlier in life may not have made much difference as I probably wouldn't have been too receptive to the suggestion (unless it was during early childhood). For example a diagnosis of BP in my early 20s didn't result in consistent taking of medication and a desire to be cured, until my mid 30s.

Also, not all parents have the awareness or capacity to make allowances for a child with autism esp in larger families.

The (Catholic) school system was of absolutely no help in this matter and probably made things worse by enabling and encouraging social ostracism by peers. Back then any problems you had were your own fault, or perhaps punishment from God.

So it's good that the climate has changed (not all climate change is bad) and kids are getting the help they need, and teachers are encouraging peer understanding (although this is not universal), so things will not be so confusing for the child and maybe get to be really part of the world when grown up.

Oh. My. God.

shadfly, I think you may have just summed up my childhood. I've mentioned before how my mother said she didn't think I'd marry and wanted me to become her old-age carer - in fact, it's become pretty clear that she deliberately tried to keep me ignorant about the world in lots of ways. (She always hated me reading so much, and now I know why.) When she got old and infirm enough to need full-time care, I'd grown assertive enough not to let myself be blackmailed into that role. (I've known other adult children who haven't been so lucky, who get dragooned into it by siblings...and there's quite often a history of them being the runt, the misfit, the disliked one, or the one with something 'wrong' with them, mentally or physically or (perceived) morally. And more often than not it's a girl. I had an aunt who got pregnant out of wedlock that this exact same thing happened to years ago.)

Also, I'm becoming increasingly sure that my teachers did think something was up with me, although I know that my mother would have gone straight into denial. I wish I could get hold of my old school records, but it was over thirty years ago...