Why am I so whiny?

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Some guy on another forum just called me a whiny weakling, and I can see how he would come up with that conclusion. I am constantly whining about wanting to die, about the world ending, and other Big Stuff. I can't seem to stop. I take antipsychotics, and they help a lot, but I still whine. I listen to recordings of my own voice and it sounds whiny. My parents were weak, and I seem to have followed in their footsteps. Even worse, I have zero strong people in my life to emulate. I am stuck at home all the time listening to my parents whine. I try to find people on the internet, but they reject me because I always fall back into whine mode. I really think it's part of my autistic psychosis. I tried getting therapy but couldn't, Medicare wouldn't pay for it. I take the drugs but obviously they're not enough. I have no options right now as to moving out and making it on my own without parental assistance. Nobody ever let me stand on my own two feet, and I became stunted. What do I do?

AS Development topic

AS people mature differently from NTs, and even other AS people. I am impressed by all the young people (in teens, 20s and 30s) who seem so wise to me when Icompare myself at those ages.

I know my maturity happened in spurts, and I am in my mid fifties, and I am still learning about growing up. For some it takes longer. I do not think there are any shortcuts or leaps that I know of, unless others here have any suggestions.

I actually giggled when I read this because you're whining about being whiny. (Not trying to be mean, it was just silly.)

Have you considered that maybe you're just talking to the wrong people? Online anonymity makes a lot of people more nasty than they are in real life.

Part of autism is that you'll emotionally mature later than your peers. My advice, as a past frequent whiner, is to make sure you're complaining at the appropriate moments, if you have to complain at all. Because if your complaints seem out of place, you will come off as an oddball whiner.

Hope that's of some help. If you're ever going through genuine issues and you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.

What that guy said to you is pretty rude in my opinion. He could have just said "you whine too much", rather than attacking you.

I'm very sorry you are depressed. I think it's good to turn to people for help and feedback, but there is a limit as to how much we can depend on others. I would suggest that you journal by writing, video or audio, your thoughts and feelings. You don't have to stop asking others for help, but you won't be relying on them completely.


Hope you feel better.

*I edited out a sentence that sounded like I was being condescending. It wasn't my intention.

Last edited by M_p_furo on 27 Oct 2009, 11:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think I'll chip in and whine about being whiny too. Especially when I'm feeling bad, and I talk about it, and then I look at what I said later and I'm like.. "Woah, I'm a whiny brat!"
But, um, what's the alternative? Not to talk about it when I'm upset? Not to say anything when I'm feeling worthless? Maybe it's better to say something, and hope that talking about it helps you be less whiny later? That maybe if you whine when you're upset, and maybe get some advice, or at least get some comfort, that you'll feel better and not have so much of a need to whine later? I don't know if it works that way or not.. but it's a nice theory, isn't it?

Complaints are better than acceptance. It is how we define things. A needed step before doing anything about it.

Now acting on it may seem hard, but it will just keep nagging you.

Everything is beyond reach, but some little step will make you feel better, and many little steps will change you.

Neither nature nor years will mature you, it comes from viewing your own life, and seeking better.

You are not limited to your parents as role models. Choose some other person (real or fictional) whose character you admire, and emulate their behavior and way of communicating instead.

I would just stop talking about every single thing that bugs you or you don't like or every single bad thing that has happened to you. I would just stop talking about every single thing you don't like because that could be seen as whining to some people. That is why I don't talk about myself much here because I don't want to be a whiner. That is why I do not post often about what ticked me off or what problems I had today, etc.

Is it always whining to talk about problems you have, though? Sometimes you want to know how other people deal with things, or just that other people also get bothered by certain things.. or reassurance that what some nasty person said isn't everyone's opinion.. Is stuff like that whining?

At least for me, what makes a person whiny is not that they talk about their problems a lot, but rather that said person does not do anything about the problems.

I find it a lot easier to be motivated to do something about problems if I feel like I have something worth fighting for. Oftentimes I am next to worthless when it comes to working on my own problems, but no matter how busy I am, I always seem to find the time to bend over backwards for certain other people, or for certain causes (like my dog ). If there is something extremely important to you, it might be helpful to somehow tie a relationship between the welfare of that important thing, with fixing your own problems. Then it'd be more like you were fighting for a cause.

Also, it really does help a lot to have a role model. Role models often provide the motivation needed to act as described above. arielhawksquill's suggestion is quite significant, and shouldn't be underestimated.

I was just giving him advice so he isn't that way all the time. I have the impression he doesn't like being this way so I gave him advice.

Whining comes from a mix of feelings of entitlement and powerlessness. So if you whine too much, simply suppressing it is a short term solution. A better one is to look at how you distort reality to have such a feeling of entitlement. And no, I'm not calling every rant whining. In some cases there are real reasons to whine.