You might be an Aspie Girl if...

Post Reply New Topic

What do you think are the main differences? What about as you get older? Any Aspie moms out there?

Throughout my life, I have encountered many girls & women who I now suspect were on the Spectrum. When I was teaching (music), I'd have to say that (even though I didn't keep a "list") my feeling is the number of girls who showed "spectrum" traits was just about equal to the number of boys who showed "spectrum" traits.

That feeling continues to this day. Now that I'm once again involved with a youth music program (drum & bugle corps) - and specifically looking for Aspie characteristics in the kids (and instructional staff) I encounter - I'd have to say that my feeling is that the ratio of "spectrum" males & "spectrum" females is just about equal. (I feel it is my "mission" to watch out for the kids I think might be on the Spectrum & make sure they get the support & understanding they need.)

I am pretty sure my mom is on the spectrum..but not sure about the rest of the females in my family...If there are other females in my family who my be on the spectrum, they must be a lot more conservative/subdued/good at hiding their symptoms..
Also, I don't often run into females who seem like they might be on the spectrum....But I have run into a few (outside meeting scenarios)...It is usually refreshing.
My neighbor at the old SHFL location seemed very ASish...A very thin, eccentric, reclusive woman with several pets. Whenever there were functions and she made a rare appearance (we shared a fence)...and my mom happened to be there...and the three of us would talk together...there was a spooky similarity...mannerisms...prosity...lack of eye contact...rambling speech..

I would tend the think that the ratio is more equal than thought to be...

You're a masculine woman

Thank you. I wish there had been someone like you for me when I was a child. All I ever got was, "She paces around the playground talking to herself. That's not normal". And yes, that is a direct quote from my 4th grade teacher. Of course, that was a couple of years before AS showed up in the DSM, but still... It would have made adolescence a bit easier to get through! Thanks to all those out there watching out for all the rest of us.

Same here. And I also paced around the playground! I wasn't diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum until I was 17. Looking back, I seemed so autistic, I don't know how it was missed. Both my parents are doctors and seemed to have no idea. Even though girls/women do "present" differently I think, I was the textbook "little professor".

I know two spectrum girls who are unlikely to ever get diagnosed, because they're not autistic the way boys are autistic. could it be that the lower testosterone makes them less aggressive and therefore easier to overlook?

Zeichner, our organization is looking for volunteers just like you in your area. Have you checked AWA's Mission Statement?

I'd certainly like to help, if I can. Can you post a link?

The website is not up yet, but here's the link to the Israel Chapter, which I'm the Director of, and it'll give you an idea of what the international organization is doing. We have Tony Attwood in our Board of Advisors and he's very involved with AWA. Our main purpose is just what you said, word by word, so we'd love to have you. If you want, I can contact our CEO about you. I recruited WhiteTiger from here, I was recruited from here too, by millie.

[]AWA ISRAEL[/url]

You'll find links to AWA international in my blog too.

I always pace around everywhere, especially outside. I have Asperger's, but was in the past diagnosed with autism because they did not have asperger's. But I got lucky because I was mainstreamed and because I was intelligent I did not qualify for such programs, but I was socially inept, withdrawn, unless with very familiar people, usually females. I am more like professor. I have a huge interest in maths, sciences, especially medical and psychology. The main difference for me, compared to boys is that I "shut down", rather than meltdown during stress, and that I tend to seek out social situations a little more easier with females. With males, I would be withdrawn and avoidant, but with females, I would talk their ear off.

It's normal to me anyway.

I thought that the playground was for exploration, especially as if was filled with lots of interesting pieces of equipment.

Story of my life basically.

I still have no idea why the other kids seemed to want to stick with their same friendship groups all of the time. It seems rather unadventurous. You don't meet any new, diverse or interesting people that way.

I wouldn't have met the diverse people that I had done had I not paced around.



I also wonder about jobs that require pacing around:


Nurse seems to be one, you pace around the corridors.

In a Chemistry Lab, where you have to fetch chemicals and keep checking pieces of equipment.

IT technician, where you have to pace from room to room to fix people's computers.

Librarian where you pace around replacing books in a quiet environment.

Museum curator/assistant where you have to pace around the exhibits and check up on them, or show people around.

Also geographer or fieldwork scientist, lots of pacing around is required for these (walking long distances and observing things).

[quote="AmberEyes
It's normal to me anyway.

I thought that the playground was for exploration, especially as if was filled with lots of interesting pieces of equipment.

Story of my life basically.

I still have no idea why the other kids seemed to want to stick with their same friendship groups all of the time. It seems rather unadventurous. You don't meet any new, diverse or interesting people that way.

I wouldn't have met the diverse people that I had done had I not paced around.
[/quote]

That makes me feel better, though I must say I wish I had the ability to go and talk to other people. It's not that I didn't want to, I always wanted to, I just didn't know how. Still don't. I do have friends, but most of the time life still feels like being on the playground-- all alone in a crowded place.

Maybe that's part of what is so hard for girls. Everything with girls is very, very social. I can watch little kids, even three-year-olds, and see it. The girls talk to each other so much more. The boys DO so much more. That's probably why most of my friends have always been boys (or men, now that I'm supposedly an adult), even though I am a girl. And I agree, in some ways we are more "masculinely feminine".

Sometimes I wonder why female Aspies don't stand out more, because the female world is so much more social. Not just talkative, but so much more socially complex. If it was just about amount of words, I would be one of the most socially successful people ever. But it's really about how you use those words, and so I was (and often still am) a social pariah. I guess it's like girls with ADHD, it just expresses itself (oh, that's almost funny) differently.

To quote Dr. Brennan: "I HATE psychology!".

Ah.

The playground is like a microcosm of life and society.

I'd wander around until I found someone who'd say hello to me and I'd respond to what they said from there.
I'd give them help or information, then they'd become my acquaintance or friend. A social strategy of relying on the kindness of strangers.

Well, you see, I usually let them talk to me first.
I don't usually have the ability to walk up to someone and talk to them.
This is an ability that most 'normal' people take for granted.
Other people would usually initiate the discussion for me and I'd just follow their lead.
I usually let others initiate first because they seem far more comfortable with it being that way round.

When I wandered round, people often asked if I was lost.
I wasn't, I was either thinking or exploring or trying to find some kind soul who'd talk to me.


Anyone who I've actively approached off my own bat has either been someone who was lonely; from another culture; with a disability; with a similar personality to my own or in trouble.


I find it easier to talk to people off my own bat if it's for a specific errand or to provide practical information.
I can run errands for people if given prior warning. I can be very helpful, even if I find the whole process nerve wracking.





I did stand out when I was younger and I was severely bullied and punished for it.
I was looked down on it especially because I was a girl and not behaving in a chatty 'girlish' way, but was doing my own thing and amusing myself. I was utterly clueless as to the expectation to interact as no one had explicitly told me that that's what I'd had to do and how I should go about doing it. If they had told me explicitly, I probably would've actively tried harder.

So there was ongoing debates and arguments about what was supposedly 'wrong' with me and many people seemed horrified by the idea that some girls aren't all that social or are creative show offs.

This is why I became very shy and reserved after that and only let my true zany personality out when it was safe to do so. Another reason why I keep tactfully quiet is to not inadvertently offend others. It was a defence mechanism.


If you find difficulty in making friendships, it makes you appreciate the ones you do have more.
That's the positive, if painful side to it all.

Some socially adept people, who can initiate conversations, probably collect people to manipulate like objects to do their bidding. I don't have this luxury, so my best strategy is to accept people as they are; be kind to them to the best of my ability and to value them as individuals.

Last edited by AmberEyes on 31 Oct 2009, 5:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Being quiet makes no problems for the teacher, yeah. I'd have gone undiagnosed if it wasn't for breaking down in the end.

I am sorry for the slight miscommunication, I meant "more" as a referent to supposed professionals (teachers, SLPs, my mother, psychologists). I know that we stood (stand) out more to peers. In the in-group and out-group of life, I have always been the out-group.

And yes, some people do "collect" others. Actually, one of my best friends admits to being a recovering "collector"... probably how we got to be friends in the first place-- he collected me! He's paying his pennance now. I have him explain what other people do so I can understand it. But all I have to work with is the fact that I accept others as well.

Last edited by Laney2005 on 31 Oct 2009, 8:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.