Holiday changes and challenges how do you cope...

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As an spectrum adult, parent etc... to go on holiday for me means a mountain of changes and challenges, being out of routine alone can catapult me into chaos ... often far to many compromises all at once leads to untold worry, stress of the unknown, plus often I attempt so hard to fit in, I simply get it more wrong, somehow I find it extremelly hard to simply be myself on holiday and consequence seem to bring more attention to self, would love your thoughts on this, your holiday experiences good, bad or others...

Depends....

I'm only going out to a family thingy once, and that's to my sister's place (husband, kids and his parents); I'm following ma.... I play with the kids and eat (though I only eat the food my mother brings). I can handle this now and again.

With big things, like the yearly family gathering (my mother's side), I just don't go; no point for the pain involved. I don't know any of them anyway, and grandma is the only one I can interact with somewhat (she's deaf, and that mixed in with my lack of social reciprocation just works). Grandma wants me to go, but no, not worth it.

I only know how to be myself.

I'm an adult loner, so no kids or anything over here.

I used to like holidays when I was a younger kid, before I really noticed anything unusual about myself! But as I've got older, generally I find it's too much pressure. There's always other people around, family or friends, expecting interaction with me, and there's no time for any solitude to get my head together. I've enjoyed travelling on my own to different cities sometimes, but I rarely go with others. It's just too intense.

I can't stand holidays. I am going through the same thing. I find they Holidays very stressful and scary,

I'm fortunate that my family doesn't go out of their way for the holidays. We visit my grandparents (who live at about 10 minutes walking distance) for dinner and stay until 11pm, then we go home and watch tv until it's time to sleep.

Every few years we go to my aunt's with a large group of relatives we frequently see and have a barbeque, but I feel comfortable around them so I don't mind.

The holidays are part of a larger yearly routine for me. Sometimes my family goes to a family gathering, but that's easy to handle because noone complains if I sit and read a book instead of talking to people. I think I'm just staying home this year, which makes things even easier.

I don't celebrate family holidays anymore, but they cause me grief for personal reasons, not for neurological reasons. I used to enjoy the specialness and the traditions when I was growing up.

Last year I was volunteering so I spent the holidays there and it was very christmassy and calm.

The year before that I actually spent with my brothers but only for a few hours until I was in tears. They're nice and all, it just triggers so many awful awful feelings.

The year before that I wandered the city. I was going to volunteer at a homeless shelter but they already had too many volunteers.

I suspect Christmas will become the same as New Year and birthday for me, which I haven't celebrated since I was a kid, except when I do something for and by myself.

I think it's nice though, for other people, and I enjoy thinking about good things that happen to other people and pleasant feelings they might experience.

Yeah, Christmas is a tough one.... whenever I've been working, I've always asked to do the Christmas shifts, just to keep busy, and to avoid the big family gatherings.

How do I cope? I stay home. I am lucky... my husband and I (who are not Christians) have no kids in common, so when the other parents vocalized wanting the kids on the 25th, we had no problems with it. We do our present thing on the 24th and have for years. Our kids are getting too old to care about such things now, so I do not even feel like I have to put up a tree for their benefit... they get that sort of thing elsewhere anyway. My extended family knows me well enough to know I will not come out for Christmas and they do not take it personally. It is weird, my parents are actually planning to come down for the holidays this year and they want to come by on the 24th. I guess they are bringing Chinese food and peanut butter cookies. I am still not sure how I feel about this. It will be nice to see them but it has been years since they were here to visit and my mother always makes me nervous when she shows up and comes into my house.

One year she showed up right before Thanksgiving dinner was about to start with this gift she had to give me right at that very second. A little history... my mother and I both have OCD, and every Thanksgiving I have over 20 people in my house (friends of our and their kids... no family of mine) and my mom is a holy roller type Christian who is obsessed about my poor, pagan soul, burning in hell. So my mom barges in and makes me stop what I am doing to open this present. She gave me a manger scene that she went and spent something insane... like $500 insane on. Then she got mad at me when I did not stop getting dinner out so people could eat so I could put the manger up right at that very second. She started moving all of my stuff to put it up. My husband and kids stood there freaking out because they thought I would freak out that she was moving all of my stuff. She kept trying to take down my husband's star of david because she opted to set up the manger thing beneath it. He kept putting it back up, I guess. Heh heh heh. I laugh about it now, but I was angry at the time. She messed us all up and then got mad at my lack of appreciation over her wonderful, soul saving gift. It was insane. I ended up flipping out that year and going to sleep afterward due to a migraine. She has been slowly becoming more understanding though, so I am hopeful that this year will not be like that.

My family never did anything special for the holidays. Instead sometimes relatives come over for Christmas and we all open presents and I play with my new toys and do my normal things while my parents and my uncles or grandparents would chit chat and cook dinner.

But there was only one year when we did go out to Montana for Christmas and had it at my grandparents. My brothers and I wanted to do it. We wanted a change. All my dad's brothers were there and it was the first time ever we did a New Year's Party in my life and the first time ever I stayed up. We opened presents and my brothers and I played with our new toys for the rest of the week. So everyday we played in the living room like it was the playroom because that was where we kept our stuff.

But in my teen years we go up to my grandparents and do Christmas dinner up there. I found it to be stressful so my parents always got me when it be time to eat. When I got older I would just bring things with to keep me busy. Then in my late teens we started having it at our house and I would just do my own thing as usual. My dad's cousin would come over and my grandparents and uncle.

But on Christmas every year now, I just go to my aunt's and uncle for dinner. I do the computer there like I would at home.
This year my parents are coming out.

So holidays have never really been an issue because of the environment I was in. It didn't matter if relatives came over. All I cared about was getting new stuff for Christmas and I would do my usual things I do everyday except I'd be playing with my new stuff. Only stress I had to deal with in my teen years was the shopping. My family never forced anything out of me or got on my back about me not socializing.